If you want to avoid some contention in your marriage, then be careful how you answer these questions. And don't just take our word for it, hear what Jeff Foxworthy has to say... and enjoy a good laugh while you're at it!

The wife says: You want.
The wife means: You want.

The wife says: We need.
The wife means: I want.

The wife says: It's your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man was the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman was the boss, a chicken was given.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds, "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." 

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
      

      

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
      
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.

Listen up men, if you want to live a long and happy life, please don't say these things to your wife!

We all do funny (or very weird) little things to say, "I love you."  Maybe it's an inside joke, or maybe it's a love tap.

Check out this video to see if any of these ways to say, "I love you" look familiar. 

"I have great news for you," the newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work.

"One morning while I recorded my daily voice mail greeting, my wife Juanita was folding clothes in the laundry room across the hall. My six-year-old daughter Emily had just taken a shower upstairs and could not find the clothes she wanted to wear.

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.  When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

Remember how we have a sticky note obsession?  Well, we loved this. We hope you do, too!  Check out A Little Sticky Note Goes a Long Way for more awesomeness. 

Use your words!  USE YOUR WORDS!  A good reminder about the words we use and the ways in which we communicate love to our spouses.  For more on using your words, check out our posts 10 Tips to Promote Healthy Communication or Two Words that Will Save Your Marriage.

"A little more of this, and a little less of this."  Hilarious.  And totally inappropriate.  This commercial is a good reminder of what NOT to do.  For more ideas on how to stay out of the doghouse, check out our posts under The Little Things.

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.  During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.
      
The wife wanted to travel around the world.  The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
      
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow!

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"