What Your Wife Really Means...

The wife says: You want.
The wife means: You want.

The wife says: We need.
The wife means: I want.

The wife says: It's your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.

The wife says: Do what you want..
The wife means: You'll pay for this later.

The wife says: We need to talk.
The wife means: I need to complain.

The wife says: Sure... go ahead.
The wife means: I don't want you to.

The wife says: I'm not upset.
The wife means: Of course I'm upset, you moron.

The wife says: You're ... so manly.
The wife means: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights.
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there.
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

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The wife says: I heard a noise.
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

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The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes.
The wife means: No.

The wife says: No.
The wife means: No.

The wife says: Maybe.
The wife means: No.

The wife says: I'm sorry.
The wife means: You'll be sorry.

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it.

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish.
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

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The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him.

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
http://www.ahajokes.com/mar034.html

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