Written by Bethany Bartholomew
 
Have you ever come home from a vacation and said, “I need a vacation from that vacation”?
 
You may have gone on a trip with your spouse and found that you spent less time together than you wanted. Now that you’ve returned, you’re facing another work week of being away from each other day after day, and you’re not ready to say goodbye yet.
 
Or maybe you got to spend a lot of time with your spouse on vacation, but that time was filled with activities that left one of you feeling bored and the other one feeling exhausted.
 
It’s quite possible you and your spouse just vacation differently.
 
Some people enjoy filling their vacations with back-to-back excitement and constant activity.  They take time off by filling that time with things they couldn’t do when they were busy with normal life. Other people enjoy taking time off of everything. They relax by doing absolutely nothing. And some people fit in the middle of that spectrum.
 
Do you know where your spouse fits on that scale?
 
Take some time before your next vacation to brainstorm activities that you would each like to do. Then, compare notes. What types of activities do you each enjoy? Which ones do you each dislike? How do you both want to spend your time (and your energy) during your vacations?
 
Here are a few suggestions to help you and your spouse make the most of your time off together.
 
For the vacationer on-the-go

You love to fill your vacations with activities, events, sights, places, people, and fun. Each day is an adventure and an opportunity for new experiences. You don’t want to waste a minute while you’ve got time away from boring everyday life.
 
If this is you, enjoy it! But include your spouse in the planning. Let your spouse know all the fun things you want to do during vacation, and then make a plan for how you will accomplish those things. Schedule (at least tentatively) your days so that you are both on the same page, but include wiggle room for spontaneity. And be willing to let go of a few fun ideas if your spouse needs some down time with you.
 
If this is your spouse, celebrate with them in the joys of life. Your spouse may be full of ideas and surprises, so enjoy the ride! But keep your lines of communication open. If you know you’re going to need a break from all the activities, plan ahead for a time when you can take breaks. You could even build breaks into your activities. For example, if your spouse wants to go on a hike to a waterfall, plan to have a long lunch break at the falls with enough time to just sit together for a few moments with your feet dangling in the water at the base of the falls.
 
If this applies to both of you, take life by the reins and enjoy every minute of it! Planning out your day should still be a priority, especially since you will both have plenty of activities you each want to get to. Make plans and share ideas, and be flexible enough to put some of your spouse’s priorities above your own. And, of course, make sure you’re both willing to throw away the schedule for a spontaneous opportunity if you find one you both want to enjoy together.
 
For the vacationer who takes it slow
​
You spend your time off by taking a break from everyday life and from any other stressful activities. Planning an entire week-long trip may seem like too much work. You’d rather have a stay-cation with plenty of time for naps, snack breaks, and talking around the table. You enjoy time with family late at night playing games or watching movies and laughing as you share stories.
 
If this is you, live the life of comfort! You are aware of how much you’ll have to do when you get back from vacation, so enjoy not doing it! Take your time and relax. But let your spouse know how you want to spend your down time. And be willing to have some activities and trips planned into your vacations. It’s ok to have down time away from home, too.
 
If this is your spouse, relax together and revel in the peace of being just you with no expectations or distractions. Take a breather and take it slow. But let your spouse know when you need to get up and do something. Plan with your spouse times when you can both do things together. You may also need to plan one activity each day when one of you stays behind while the other goes off on a quick adventure. Just be sure to keep those activities short so that you can maximize your time together.
 
If this is both of you, revel in the relaxation. Let your worries fade away, and enjoy your time off. Of course, make sure you communicate with each other on the important things such as meals and other activities that will inevitably happen. And discuss how each of you relaxes (one of you may want to read alone all day while the other wants to sit together and talk for hours). You may find that taking it slow together means something different to each of you. But it’s worth finding that harmonious hum for a relaxing vacation.
 
So whether you’re out and about during your vacation or taking your time to enjoy peace and quiet, let your spouse know how you want to spend your time off. As you work together before your vacation to plan out your time, you’ll be able to enjoy time away from work better. You’ll each be able to spend your time and energy where and how you want, with enough give and take from each of you to find that wonderful happy-medium vacation you’ve always dreamed of. 

Think back to when you were newlyweds - bedtime was exciting, looked forward to, and special. Fast forward ten, twenty, or forty years later, and you may have unintentionally slipped into some bedtime habits that aren't helping your marriage. In fact, they may be hurting it. Do you and your spouse go to bed at different times? Spend time surfing the internet or social media on your phones instead of connecting, or sleep in different rooms from time to time? 

If so, these simple bedtime ritual ideas will help you create the intentionality your marriage may be craving. In the book, The Intentional Family, William J. Doherty suggests that "...Going to bed together is one of the defining activities of a married...couple." He goes on to say that "The reality is that many couples, particularly after they have children, lose the connection with each other at the end of the day." (The Intentional Family, p. 46-47)

Ritualizing your bedtime routine will offer you and your spouse opportunities for communication, closeness, cuddling, and more. Just think of it, you go to bed every single night. Night after night, and year after year. With a few simple suggestions, you can turn the norm into something that benefits and strengthens your marriage. Give it a try, you know you need to. Try one of these seven tips this week to help you and your spouse create bedtime rituals that will nurture your marriage. 

It seems like a pretty simple suggestion, right? It works for the kids, but you may think you are too old for that sort of thing. Think again. Having a set bedtime creates predictability around your bedtime routine. When both you and your spouse know that lights out are at 11:30pm, for example, then you have the start of a bedtime ritual in place already. You can then improve that bedtime ritual by setting other boundaries to protect the sacred time that should be yours in the hours before bed.

***We recognize that some people are night-owls and others like to go to bed early. If you and your spouse are opposites, compromise and set an "evening routine," that gives you the opportunity to do all of the things below, while still allowing you to go to bed at different times. For example, you may decide that from 9:00-10:30pm, you are together in your bedroom, talking, cuddling, thinking, and perhaps making love. Then, if someone decides to go to bed at 10:30pm and the other spouse decides to stay up until 12:30am, at least you haven't missed the special chance for connecting that the hours before bed offer you.

Make your bedroom a sacred place. Decide on a time when technology is turned off in the bedroom. If we are using the 11:30pm bedtime suggested above, perhaps 10:30pm is a good time to turn technology off. That means no TV, no phones, no laptops, etc. We're not saying that positive things don't happen when you cuddle in bed and watch the news, but if you don't set boundaries for yourself, it is too easy to waste hours on technology and therefore, miss some of the most precious time you could be spending with your spouse on a daily basis. ​

In the time leading up to bedtime, create a ritual of talking about positive things together for at least ten minutes. Some couples like to have "pillow talk" and lay in bed with the lights off, cuddling and just talking. Others prefer to just lounge on the bed, before lights out, and to have some catch up time. Others still like to talk while they scratch each other's backs or or give each other massages. Whatever you choose to do, make time to talk for at least ten minutes together before bed. Bedtime offers the perfect time to actually have time to talk, as husband and wife, after the hustle and bustle of busy days. Husbands, take note, creating a talk ritual will help meet your wife's emotional needs and make her feel closer to you and more likely to want to express her love to you in physical ways.

The power of cherishing and protecting your bedtime rituals is that you create time and space for sex. Some couples actually like to schedule sex and determine that on Wednesdays and Saturdays they are both ready for it, and looking forward to it. Others like a more spontaneous approach. Whatever the case may be, following some of the rituals above will ensure that neither of you are too exhausted for sex, and that you have already done a few things to feel closer together as a couple...which naturally may lead to making love as a couple. One tip we like to offer couples is to make love first thing when you go in your bedroom for the night - instead of the last thing after teeth are brushed, lights are out, and you are both tired and exhausted. Just a thought to consider...

Whether you are religious or not, bedtime offers time for couples to reflect on deeper things, to pray, or to affirm each other and/or give thanks for each other. It feels pretty incredible to hear your spouse say five things they love about you after a long day, or to have some quiet time side-by-side thinking about your goals and dreams, or the things that matter most to you. You may want to try our new marriage devotional book, Love is Patient, Love is Kind: A Christian Marriage Devotional. Some couples find that praying out loud for each other, and giving thanks for each other, strengthens their marriage and helps them feel closer together. ​

Spending an hour or two together before bed offers the perfect chance to laugh together, to flirt, or to tease each other in kind ways. Just think of it, getting dressed in pajamas, brushing teeth, flossing, washing faces, showering - doing these side-by-side and day-after-day may seem like nothing, but it offers you a chance for connection and closeness that you may not otherwise have during the day. Some couples like to dance while they brush their teeth, or just laugh about funny things that happened during their day while they wash their faces. Don't make the mistake of getting ready for bed at different times than your spouse (unless they take WAAAAYYY longer than you...in that case you will have to figure something else out!), or you may miss a chance to flirt, tease, and laugh with your spouse, and that would be a sad thing, indeed. 

Create a ritual that is uniquely yours for right before you go to sleep. Some couples like to hold hands, others like to give each other a quick peck, and some just say, "good night." Create a special phrase that you and your spouse can say to each other right before bed - something that means something to both of you. Then say it every single night. Whatever you choose to say or do immediately before falling asleep, make sure and say, "I love you." Every single night. Those simple words will help you both go to bed feeling close to each other, feeling in love, and feeling ready to take on whatever may come the following day.

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​Happy New Year on Tuesday!

Can you believe it is almost 2019?  Seriously, where did the time go?

With the new year comes a fresh start, a clean slate, and new opportunities and adventures. We've all probably packed on a few extra pounds during the holidays and it's time to get to work on those New Year's resolutions!

What are your resolutions and goals for the upcoming year?
What do you want to accomplish?
Who do you want to become?

Have you shared those goals and resolutions with your spouse?  Have you set goals and resolutions together?

The Power of Couple Resolutions

Along with individual goals, there is great power in setting couple resolutions together. My wife and I have found that there are few things that drive unity more than working together towards a common goal. And there is incredible satisfaction and fulfillment found in achieving goals together as a team.

Your couple resolutions can be anything you can dream up! Here are a few ideas of couple-goals to get your creative juices flowing:
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• Go on at least one romantic getaway during the year (plan it well in advance so you can enjoy the anticipation and build up together!).
• Save an extra $X dollars each month.
• Run a marathon together (or maybe just a 5k...).
• Get scuba certified together.
• Intentionally make time to talk for fifteen minutes every day. 
• Take a class or join a club together.
• Hike a fourteener. 
• Read 12 books together. Here is a shameless plug and a good place to start. 

​
Whatever your couple resolutions may be, just make sure you have some! Set resolutions that are meaningful for both of you. Create a vision of the kind of marriage and life you want to create together. Then, work each day to fulfill that vision. Sure, some days you'll see more progress than others. In fact, some days it may feel like you have taken a step back. However, by the end of the year you'll be able to look back and proudly admire how far you've come together. 

Couple resolutions are powerful because they build connection, create happy memories, and nurture friendship. You and your spouse will feel closer together as you work in unity to achieve common goals. Kind of magical. 

So just remember, by setting meaningful couple resolutions together, and diligently working towards them, not only will you be able to achieve great success as a team, but you'll certainly nurture your marriage in the process!

Photo Credit: Crooze Photography

Just think of it, when was the last time you two got away, together? If it has been awhile, this list will motivate you to book your next trip today!

1. Getaways are romantic.

Just think of it, a chance to be alone with your spouse, without kids, work, household responsibilities and all the stress those things carry with them. No matter where you two go on your getaway, just being alone will bring back the aura and romance of your honeymoon. 

2. Getaways are like mega-dates. 

Seriously. On a getaway, even a short one, you can fit what would have been eight date nights into one weekend! You could take a pottery class, go hiking, eat out, see a play, shop for clothes, dance, hot tub, and more. However, it is important to note that big getaways without regular dates in between will not offer the nurturing that your marriage needs. You need both. Getaways don't make up for a year of no dates. 

3. Getaways help you strengthen your friendship as husband and wife.

You can finally do fun things together. All day. Every day. You can laugh, play, joke, work-out, and experience new things - together. Just like the best friends that you are. 

4. Getaways give you time and space for romantic sex.

We don't need to say much more, do we? 

5. Getaways offer you a chance to talk about more than day-to-day life. 

When you getaway, you are together 24/7 for a few days at a time. You can talk about goals, dreams, big plans, hard things, struggles, and more. You can flirt and ask each other questions like you did back when you were dating. You can talk about people you observe, the adventures you have, or where you want to eat. Getaways give you a great chance to talk about everything and anything under the sun. Oh, and they are a great place to try out the 36 Questions That Will Help You Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again. 

6. Getaways give you a break from the hum-drum of every day life.

You and your spouse need something to look forward to. Something that is just for the two of you. A time and place where you can do things you never get to do together. It's so nice to relax in a bed that someone else makes and to eat food that you don't have to prepare yourself. Which leads us to #7...

7. Getaways give you a chance to recharge. 

There is something renewing about getting away - stepping away from all the stress of everyday life. It's important to try to unplug a bit too, so that you don't waste your whole getaway on your phone or tablet. 

8. Getaways help you create happy memories. 

All marriages need huge positive deposits into their emotional bank accounts. Getaways will give you huge boosts to your marital self-esteem. Plus, you will create thousands of happy memories and inside jokes. Take lots of pictures, and look back on them from time to time, bringing a back a whole bunch of "remember when..." statements and laughs. 

9. Getaways give you a chance for adventure.

Plan your getaways together, as husband and wife. Take turns picking where you want to go and what you want to do. Having adventures together, which invites the novelty of trying new things, will bring back a host of happy, butterfly feelings for each other. Plus, everyone has a deep sense of adventure that needs to be unleashed from time to time, right? 

10. Getaways help you fall in love all over again. 

It's true. Getaways are the perfect combination to help you and your spouse fall in love again. They take you out of your normal home, your normal stresses, and your normal marital conflicts and offer you a fresh chance, a new start. A chance to treat each other with respect and kindness, to show extra love and affection, and to really enjoy each other in intimate settings. 

Yes, a romantic getaway is just what you and your spouse need. 


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Written by Aaron & April Jacob

Have you ever found yourself wondering how it is that the person you used to call, text and spend every waking moment with seems to have disappeared from your life? You are like two ships passing in the night. He works late, you leave early.

You never notice when he slips into bed at night, and you hardly see each other in the course of a week. You never have meals together, rarely text each other, and hardly ever have real conversations since your conversations on the phone always seem to go like this,

"Hey hun, did you pick up my dress from the dry cleaners?" "Yes. How was your day?" "Fine. Yours?!" "Good." "K, well, gotta run, just getting to the store now. Love ya." "Bye."

Or perhaps you and your spouse have more time together than ever before, and the kids are grown and gone, but you two seem to just exist in the same space without every really talking much about anything significant.

​You are missing the kind of talking that really connects.

READ: 15 TRICKS TO HELP YOU LEARN TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN

Sad, but true. 

Real life has taken over - and at a dangerous pace.

​If you and your spouse let things continue like this, you will drift apart, and fall prey to the dangers that lurk for people in dying marriages (think along the lines of emotional and physical affairs, just to name a few). 

Don't get discouraged - things don't have to stay like this. This doesn't have to be your forever.

​It's up to you to create the relationship that you want.  

​First things first, all the demands on your time and your spouse's time need to be pushed aside for a few minutes each day so you can prioritize each other as the most important part of your lives.

Every day.

You two need a talk ritual. 

You see, a talk ritual is something that you two can do - starting today - if you both just commit to it.

Be intentional about it!

Being intentional is at the heart of all we do here at Nurturing Marriage. We help you remember to intentionally take care of the one person who matters most to you - your spouse.

A talk ritual is time - blocked out from the craziness of life - to talk with your spouse. A time to share. A time to connect. And a time to nurture your marriage.

Here comes the fun part - talk rituals will look different for every couple!

​The only rule is that you and your spouse need to talk face-to-face for 10 minutes a day. Yes, 10. You may even use a timer if you have to.

​Having a start and end to the talk ritual is healthy, but it may not work for all couples - since some couples will be done talking after 7 minutes and some may need 27. 

So, you're starting to catch the vision of how great this could be, but you are wondering how other couples actually make this work. Here are a few examples of ways other couples make talk rituals a part of their daily life:

- Some couples walk around the block together every evening, holding hands, and talking. 

- Other couples linger at the table after dinner and talk then. 

- If one of you works late and you don't eat together, then try and talk when your spouse is eating and you are there to listen (and sneak a few bites). This is often what works for us. Aaron often works late and our talk rituals usually happen in the kitchen, over a late-night bowl of cereal. One of us will sit on the counter. He will eat. We talk. It's fun. And then sometimes we kiss...

- Some couples make a certain place in their home - like the living room couch - their talk ritual place. Every evening they sit for ten or fifteen minutes, perhaps while giving the other a hand or foot rub, and focus on each other. Even the kids know to respect mom and dad's "talk time." 

- One impressive couple we know lived a fast-paced busy life (think CEO for a massive company, which meant the husband was gone a lot), yet even they made time to talk. The wife would get up early (sometimes as early as 5am) with her husband and sit in the bathroom so they could talk while he showered. I'll never forget when she shared that example with us. We were so impressed with how intentional they were about taking care of their marriage, even with such a demanding schedule for the husband. And guess what? Their intentionality paid off. Their relationship is as good as ever and they kept their marriage alive during a very busy season of life. So impressive. 

- Other couples may find that their talk ritual happens on their bed, while the husband plays with his wife's hair or the wife rubs the husband's back (...we all know that connecting emotionally is a great way to get in the mood for sex). 

The important thing is that you find what works for you and stick with it.

Then, have the flexibility to make changes if need be. If one of you is out of town, don't ignore the talk ritual. Facetime or call each other and talk. Make yourselves do it. You will both feel more connected and more satisfied, guaranteed.

Naturally, there are also a few rules to remember when creating a talk ritual:

1. Commit to making it happen.

Both of you have to be on the same page and help make it happen. (Have your spouse read this article after you read it, or read it together, and then talk about how you can make this work.)

​If you miss one day, don't freak out, just find some way to help each other remember why you want to be intentional about this talk ritual - maybe offer a small reward for the person who brings it up first and helps initiate it. 

2. No distractions.

No cell phones, TV, kids, etc. Be patient if interruptions happen, but try and minimize them. If you are out on a walk, try to not stop and talk to every neighbor. Just make it obvious that you two are in the midst of a happy conversation, and that you don't have time to stop and chat. 

3. Keep it positive.

Talk ritual time is not a time to discuss big, hard issues or to complain or point out something you wish was different in the relationship. This is a time for connecting - as friends and companions - and that is it. It may be hard at first to come up with things to talk about, but you'll get better as you practice. Think about your day and share thoughts, funny stories, or anything positive that happened. You've got this. 

So, now that you understand what a talk ritual is and how to make it happen, the final question you may have is why? What's the purpose? 

Connection. 

If you don't connect and re-connect with your spouse throughout the day, you will drift apart. Talking together daily is just the beginning of all the little things your marriage needs to stay healthy and happy. 

​Make it happen, folks. Make it happen. 

Read - 

DIY: Building a Better Marriage
​Is Love Really a Choice?
​17 Gestures that Make Men Feel Loved
​17 Gestures that Make Women Feel Loved
Gratitude...A Secret to Happiness

Photo Credit: Ashley Swenson Photo

Written by Aaron & April Jacob

What is a lunch date?

A lunch date is just what it sounds like - meeting up with your spouse (aka, best friend) for lunch. To eat, talk, catch up, and connect. To simply have intentional time and space together in the course of a day or a week.

How do you implement a lunch date?

Just like everything else here at Nurturing Marriage, the key to success will be intentionality. Don't let anything get in the way of your lunch dates! 

Now, lunch dates shouldn't replace more intentional weekly/bi-weekly date nights, but they should enhance them.

When lunch dates become an extra way to spend time and space with your one true love, then they really become powerful in preventing marital drift and in nurturing connection and friendship. 

To make this a powerful ritual, you may want to choose a certain day of the week and block out a regular time for a lunch date. Or perhaps your schedule doesn't allow for that and you need to be more flexible and spontaneous. That works too. Just make sure lunch dates happen on the regular. 

Here are few examples of what a lunch date could look like - 

The Newlyweds - She has a busy schedule but he works from home. He packs a picnic, stops by her office, and they picnic outside her office on the lawn. Short, sweet, romantic, and simple. 

The Working Couple - They both have corporate jobs 45 minutes apart. He texts her to meet him halfway at 1:00pm for a lunch at their favorite burger joint. It's totally chill, totally fast, and totally fun. 

The Parents of Young Kids - She calls a friend and asks for a babysitting swap. She drops the kids off and meets up with her husband for an hour lunch at a local market. (Other great options include drop-in daycare or just bringing the kids along!)

The Parents of Teenagers - It's summer and the kids are out of school. He tells his teenage son to be responsible and make sure no one dies while they are gone. The dad leaves for a date with his beautiful wife and the son knows that his parents care about their marriage and prioritize each other (plus, who doesn't love a little time when the parentals are gone!). 

The Almost Empty Nesters - Tuesdays and Fridays are regular lunch dates. These two simply make it happen. She picks the place Tuesday and he picks the place Friday. The food is fabulous, but the conversation is even better. 

The Retirees - Although they eat lunch together every day, Saturdays have become their brunch/lunch date. Without fail, every Saturday they end up at the same red-roofed restaurant on the corner. They always ask for the window seat in the back. They know the waiters and waitresses by name. They always order grilled cheese and tomato soup - with ice cream sundaes at the end. Their lunch dates usually last two hours. They chit-chat about life, reminisce, people watch, and happily eat in silence. This ritual has become a part of who they are as a couple and has provided them with a sense of culture, community, and connection in their marriage. 

How can you ensure your lunch date is successful?

Your lunch date is successful if it happens. 

Just make it happen, friends. The power is in the doing. 

READ: 100 SUMMER DATE IDEAS YOU WILL LOVE

Also, it never hurts to make sure you find good food, put your phones away, and open up and share. 
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Whatever you do, try not to skip your lunch dates (re-arrange your schedule or re-schedule with your spouse)! Also, try and keep them positive. Lunch dates aren't a time for evaluating your relationship. They are a time to put more into your relationship. 

Lunch dates are also a fabulous time to practice good etiquette, to flirt, and to continue dating your spouse. 

Why lunch dates?

Lunch dates can become a way to change things up, to see each other more often in the course of your busy lives together, and to continually nurture your friendship.

Lunch dates can become a powerful ritual that you both look forward to, a break from the rigors of work and life, and a simple way to create happy and positive memories.

Every marriage needs more nurturing, and a simple lunch date can go far in adding more "nurturing" to a marriage.

So, go ask your spouse out to lunch and make this ritual one that will strengthen your friendship week by week and month by month. You've got this. 

**If your schedules ABSOLUTELY make it impossible to ever "lunch" together, then make a ritual out of a breakfast date or a late-night milkshake date, or an "eat at the same time via Skype date.". Just be intentional, and it will all work out. 

Photo Credit: Bryan Striegler Photography

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Written by Aaron & April Jacob

Sometimes life can get a little crazy and busy - pulling you in all kinds of directions. Have you ever felt like you're just trying to keep your head above water? It's exhausting! 

When this happens to you, try turning to your spouse and making time for love.

It might seem a bit counter-intuitive, but choosing - intentionally - to take time to love and be loved will help you re-focus on what matters most, and provide you with the extra boost and motivation you need to push through those crazy-busy times.

READ: HAVE YOU EVER SAID THIS TO YOUR SPOUSE?

We love sports. Especially college football and basketball. The energy, passion, enthusiasm, and pure love of the game is simply contagious. There's nothing quite like going to a college game where the stakes are high, every seat is filled, the crowd is amped up, and the players are firing on all cylinders. You know the feeling - it's one of a kind.

Have you ever been at a game where momentum has shifted, the home team is turning it on, and the opposing coach can feel things slipping away? The crowd is suddenly going crazy and it's so loud that you can't even hear what your buddy next to you is trying to say?

When a visiting team finds themselves in this type of situation, the coach only has one real option - call a time out and regroup.

Sometimes life is very similar and we just need a time out. We need a break. We need a breather. We need to be able to clear our minds, put our worries aside, and just smile, laugh, relax, and focus on the things that matter most.

If you ever feel like life is starting to get away from you, take a page out of that wise old coach's play book, call a "time out," and make time for love! We promise that you'll emerge from that "time out," energized and ready to tackle the world!

READ: IS THERE MARRIAGE AFTER PORNOGRAPHY?

So, how do you make time for love?

1. Make time for sex.

This needs to be a priority in your marriage, something you intentionally make time for. You may need to schedule it in a few nights a week, or be more spontaneous in initiating it, but it needs to happen. On the regular.

2. Make time for date night.

Do it. Take a look at your calendar and schedule a date in. Surprise your spouse, or have them help plan it. We just sat down and scheduled out Wednesday lunch dates indefinitely, so at least we have something regular to look forward to. Friday night dates nights happen too, just not every single week. Here are some fun ideas for spring, summer, fall, and winter date ideas.

3. Make time for going on a walk.

We love those couples who walk the mall together in the winter, or walk the neighborhood on good-weather days. Why not choose to be one of those couples? Walking naturally provides talking time, and every couple needs a talk ritual to stay connected. So get your steps in, and nurture your marriage at the same time!

4. Make time for taking a nap together.

If you are normal, then you are probably always up for a nap. Always too busy for a nap, but always wanting a nap. So, stop what you are doing, and go take a nap - together. Physical touch and affection, even just simple cuddling/napping, will help you and your spouse feel rested and closer together. Yes, please!

5. Make time for a brief phone call to your spouse during lunch.

With the ease of texting, emailing, and social media, we often seem to avoid calling our spouses, even though hearing their voice is usually what we most want. You may be thinking, "My spouse never calls me during the day. They are too busy."  Or, "If I call my spouse, they won't answer, or won't have time to talk," or "I just never remember to call my spouse, and texting is easier."  

However, even though those are legitimate excuses, just promise us you will give it a try. Call your spouse. Just because. Every day for a week. And see if it doesn't help you feel close and connected. 

6. Make time for a nice bath together.

Romantic much? Yes. Relaxing? Yes. Fun? Yes. Enough said. 

7. Make time to watch the sunset.

We love sunrises and sunsets. Love them. In our perfect world, we would sit and enjoy each one. However, that isn't realistic for us right now, but we could do better at catching one or two a month. 

A sunset is calming, beautiful, and big-picture-esque. It helps you pause and ponder on the things of greatest importance in your life. It reminds you that the world will keep rushing by, day in and day out, but that you don't have to get swept along, you can create the life you want and the marriage you want. 

8. Make time to sit down to dinner together.

Who does this? Really, though? One meal a day together is so super important. So make it happen. You don't even have to make dinner. Just pick up something and sit down together, at home. Yes, look at you guys, having dinner together on the regular. 

This simple ritual will lend to greater family bonding, time to decompress after a long day, and laughter and sharing that you would have missed if you would have eaten separately. 

9. Make time for greeting each other with a hug and kiss.

So simple. And yet soooo hard. Sometimes by the end of the day, we just want to walk in and be like, "Hey." "Hey." And then either vent about all the stress and craziness of the day, or keep it all in and be silent and worn-out and boooring.

When was the last time you greeted your spouse with a smile and a kiss? If it's been a few days, or a few weeks, try and make it a regular, every day occurrence.

​It may feel a little much at first, but over time it will become the new norm. A really good - not to mention romantic - norm. 

10. Make time to talk, listen, and share. 

If you are feeling too busy to talk to your spouse, then carve out some time, make a ritual of it, go get milkshakes and talk. If talking to your spouse is awkward, then read through these 15 ideas to help you with a little refresher!

Talking to your spouse, and connecting with him or her, will help you remember what your priorities are, help you balance all the demands on your time, and help you two feel closer together than before. ​

These are just a few ideas of what it looks like to make time for love. The point is to be intentional about sharing love and affection with your spouse. 

So never forget, regardless of how busy, stressful, and demanding life gets, you can always call a "time out," from seemingly pressing matters, and choose to make time to simply enjoy the love of your life! You will come away renewed, re-energized, and re-focused on the only things that truly matter in life.

Make time for love and you won't look back with regret. 

Photo Credit: Ashley Swenson Photo

Written by April Eldemire, LMFT  /

Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that small actions practiced daily is the biggest predictor for keeping romance, intimacy, and connection alive during the transition to parenthood. Going the extra mile means everything with a new baby in the mix.

As life with a little one begins, parents often find themselves sleep deprived, overwhelmed with a laundry list of to-do’s and the feeling that there’s never enough time in the day to do it all.

New parents often believe that in order to meet the demanding needs of the baby, they have to sacrifice the needs of the relationship. There is a sense that “I can either be close to my spouse or my baby, but I can’t do both.” This leads to resentment and isolation.

But Bringing Baby Home research has shown that couples can be engaged parents and protect their relationship without sacrificing the bond with their child. With just a little effort, couples can maintain emotional closeness by following the “golden rule” of relationships: small things often.

Tuning in and turning towards each other, especially in moments of heightened stress, creates a sense of connection and emotional intimacy. Practicing simple gestures to preserve the relationship makes for a more manageable transition to parenthood.

If you’re a new parent or expecting a little one, consider incorporating the following strategies into your relationship so that you’re not just staying afloat, but fully thriving as your family grows.

Turn towards bids for connection

Requests for connection happen between partners all the time. Sometimes they are extremely subtle, such as a touch on the hand, or very straightforward as in, “Take a look at this for me. What do you think?” Dr. Gottman’s research in his Love Lab has shown that successful couples respond to bids more frequently than distressed couples do. If partners bids are consistently ignored or disregarded, they form a negative view of the relationship and distance themselves from their partner.

Happy couples, however, are more aware of what to look for and make the conscientious choice to turn towards, rather than turn away, from requests for affection, emotional support, and sex. Responding to bids is important because in small, everyday moments, you’re creating the building blocks that maintain the foundation of the relationship. Here are some examples of bids:

READ: TAKE THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES QUIZ!

• A bid for conversation: “I’m worried that the baby might not be getting enough nutrients.”
• A bid for sex: “You look so sexy in that outfit.”
• A bid for affection: “Will you hold me?”
• A bid for attention: “Can we talk?”
• A bid for humor: “Have you heard this joke yet?”

Express fondness and admiration

Dr. Gottman encourages couples to “catch your partner doing something right.” Research shows that if couples are in the habit of viewing their relationship from a negative perspective, they miss half of the positive things their partner does.

It’s important for couples to find ways to praise each other for their positive traits. You can do this by creating a “culture of appreciation.” You can appreciate their parenting style or how they help with the baby while still making time for the other things they do to keep things running smoothly. Remember to share them with your partner. They yearn to hear it.

• “You were so great with the baby last night. It really made me smile.”
• “You’re an awesome dad. You’re so calm and patient with the baby.”
• “Thanks for making dinner tonight. I know you have your hands full.”
• “Even with no sleep, you’re still gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?”
• “Thanks for keeping things together when I can’t. I really count on you!”

​
Make partings and reunions a routine part of your day

Don’t neglect each other as you rush out the door. Spend a few minutes to develop an atmosphere of love as you part for the day, and again once you return. Here are some examples of rituals of connection:
​

• Kiss each other goodbye for six seconds and wish them well.
• Wake up early and take care of the baby while the other gets some much-needed rest.
• Leave a quick note to say how much they mean to you.
• Make the bed before you go.
• Say goodbye with affection and words of encouragement.
• Greet each other with a “6 second kiss.”
• Put your phone away and genuinely listen to your partner’s day. Express empathy and understanding.
• Help with dinner.
• Clean up the dishes.
• Take over the night routine like bathing, singing, dancing or reading to your little one.

READ: 4 STEPS TO BUILDING AN INTERDEPENDENT MARRIAGE

Have a daily stress-reducing conversation

Conflict is inevitable in all relationships and tends to spike after a baby is born. Work stress, new financial strains, and balancing the added responsibilities of being parents can create strain on the relationship. The Bringing Baby Home research found that having a daily conversation that includes understanding, support and affection helps manage the external stressors separate from the relationship.

• Stay mindful and present while showing genuine interest in what your partner has to say.
• Seek understanding before giving advice. “That sounds overwhelming. I’d be at my wits end too. I can totally understand how you feel.”
• Offer support. “I really wish your boss would lay off on you.”
• Show affection. “Come here. I bet you could use a hug.”
• Help aid in problem solving. “Do you want my advice? Let’s work through this together.”

Never stop dating your partner

One of the greatest gifts you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Date nights provide an opportunity to stay connected, increase intimacy, and balance life as a team.

• Plan monthly date nights.
• Keep mutual hobbies sacred.
• Make “date-night in” a regular part of your week.
• Watch a comedy together. Laughter and humor raise endorphins and lighten the mood.

Parenthood is tough, especially in the beginning. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that the best gift you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Don’t forget how important it is to spend time together, lift each other up, show you care, and nurture the relationship by practicing the golden rule of doing the small things often.

For more insight on how to build a positive, lasting relationship after a baby arrives, subscribe below and check out the popular guide, Small Things Often.

Want research based tools discovered studying thousands of couples to strengthen your relationship? Join The Gottman Relationship mailing list here and receive the 7 Signs Your Relationship Will Last for free.

Written by Aaron & April Jacob

2) Choose to be selfless, not selfish.

Building, creating, and fostering a happy marriage is not easy. But, you know what's harder?... Not building, creating, and fostering a happy marriage.

Why?

​Because choosing to build a happy marriage leads to great satisfaction and fulfillment; whereas failing to build a happy marriage leads to a lot of regret and sadness.

So, what's the key to creating this happy marriage? One word - selflessness.

Being each other's companions for life and beyond requires sacrifice on both parts. There's a constant need for give and take, and for compromise. The key is to put your spouse's needs and desires above your own - to be more concerned with him or her, than you are with yourself (which is no easy task!).

In addition, it's important to recognize the sacrifices your spouse makes for you and to express gratitude to them sincerely and often.

READ: 100 WAYS TO SERVE YOUR SPOUSE

Remember, selfish play doesn't win games - teamwork does. One of the beautiful things about marriage is that the two of you together can accomplish, create, and achieve far more than you ever could on your own. Aristotle explained this well when he said, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."

Nowhere is this more true than in marriage. So, choose to be selfless, not selfish.

3) Give him or her wings to fly.

Photo Credit: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels

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​It's a new year, and with it comes the New Year's resolutions. Typically, these are individually focused "goals." I'm going to eat healthier. I'm going to start, and stick with, an exercise routine. I'm going to cut back my hours at work so I can have more time to do the things I like. I'm going quit smoking, get organized, knock out debt, take up a new hobby, etc. With every new year people make resolutions that are typically self-focused, which is good as too many people don't prioritize themselves nearly enough, but don't forget to prioritize your relationship as well.

In addition to making resolutions for yourself, make some for your relationship and share them with your spouse. Here's how you can start.

Don't think of goals, think of values. What do you value in your life individually, as a member of a couple, and (if you have kids) as a parent. Let's say one of your resolutions is to spend more time with family and friends. Great! So what does that look like to you? What does that feel like to you? What do you personally get out of spending more time with family and friends ? What kinds of things do you want to do with your friends and family? How are you going to make that a reality? What are the concrete steps you are going to take to make this "goal," this value, a priority?

So, come up with some things you would like to be doing: personally, as a couple, what you would like to do as a family, and what hopes you have for your kids.

All the things you come up with will likely speak to your values, and having your values known, welcomed, supported, and upheld will make for a happier relationship.

​Here are some resolution examples from several of my clients:

READ: HOW TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE FROM AN AFFAIR

​Self: Have lunch/dinner 1 to 2 times a month with friends. Devote regular time to a hobby. Do not bring work home on the weekends. Initiate sex more frequently. Attend a fitness class twice a week. Be more direct and ask for what I need. To say 'No' to things I have no interest in doing and not feel bad about it. Text my partner during the work day to let them know I'm thinking of them.

Couple: Have 1 date out a month. Have 1-2 weekend trips a year. Be more open to feedback from each other. Be more supportive when my partner needs it. To encourage each other to pursue our passions/hobbies. For my partner to hold me accountable to my goals and encourage me to do them. To take turns planning dates. To try new things when we go on dates. To be more playful. To have sex 3 times a week. To have a regular relationship meeting. To save a certain amount each year for retirement.

Family: Have a family movie night. Let the kids pick the dinner menu 1 night a week. Have dinner out as a family 2 times a month. Have family game night. Let the kids pick 1-2 family activity outings a month. Volunteer as a family for a local community cause. Go on a family vacation each year. Have a one-on-one date with a child (parent and child date). Go on after dinner walks twice a week. Have 1 night a week with no technology (internet, smart phones, tablets). No technology while having dinner (no smart phones/tablets at dinner) and have face-to-face conversations with family members.

Kids: Read to them for 30 minutes every day. Sign them up for that jujitsu class they have been asking to do. Enroll them in music lessons because you see their enthusiasm when they play. Say "yes" to the question: "Will you play with me?"/ "Will you watch this movie with me?" Join them in their silliness. Encourage them with their school work. Be a cheerleader for them. Take them shopping for gifts to give people (birthday's, Mother's/Father's day, Christmas, teacher gifts, Toys for Tots, etc.) to teach them to think of others and the importance of forethought when giving.

READ: DATE NIGHT CONVERSATION STARTERS YOU HAVE TO TRY OUT! 

​It's important to share your goals with your spouse because your spouse can be your accountability partner and you can be theirs. If your spouse doesn't know that you secretly want to start your own business, go back to school to finish your degree, start taking yoga classes, get that book you've been secretly writing published, or that you want to spend two nights a month on a date with them, then how are you going to get the support and encouragement you need from them to help you succeed? If you don't share your inner world, hopes, and dreams with your partner then you are holding back from your partner.

Let's take this one step further. One specific resolution mentioned above is the couple's relationship meeting. I LOVE this idea! It's a regular homework assignment for my couples.

This couple meeting is what Dr. John Gottman calls a State of the Union.

State of the Union

Couples should regularly check-in with each other about the state of their relationship. Depending on the couple and the current relationship environment, perhaps a couple has a State of the Union every week or every other week.

I personally recommend that couples start this habit by having their State of the Union weekly. By meeting every week you will develop new communication habits; once these habits become automatic and second nature, you could tapper the State-of-the-Union to every two weeks. I would not recommend going more than two weeks between meetings. If there is an issue that needs to be addressed, you don't need to sit on that, you need to address it directly and get it resolved. Unresolved concerns will keep surfacing until they are resolved, and this can spell trouble for relationships.

The point of the State of the Union is to:

• touch-base with each other on how you both think things are going
• bring up any concerns you may have
• compliment each other for how awesome you think you two handled a situation that occurred

​Now, don't panic and freak out about the idea of a relationship meeting. The meeting does not need to last for hours nor does it indicate that there is something wrong in your relationship; it's really a simple check-in about the past week and the upcoming week.

Here are some questions and guidelines I give my couples who are just starting to incorporate this into their relationship. I tell them to use these questions as a spring board, and then add questions that are more couple-specific and applicable to them and their relationship.

​Example questions I recommend include:
​

• What did we do well this past week as a couple? (since our last meeting)
• What did we struggle with as a couple?
• What could we have done better?
• How could we have done _____ better?
• What is coming up this week that we need to focus our attention on?
• Share something you appreciate about your partner. Each partner takes turns in sharing one to two things they appreciate about their partner. Something they have not shared before. Be specific and have an example to give. 
• Ask, "How can I be a better spouse for you?"
• Take this time to discuss any issues in the relationship that have come up for you individually or as a couple.
• It's important to take turns. When it's your turn to listen, make sure you listen. And don't listen to respond, listen to understand.
• Check in with each other about your goals and resolutions.

This new year don't forget to focus on your relationship. Resolutions are great goals, but make sure your goals are aligned with your values, and that your share your resolutions with your spouse to increase your chances of success. Utilizing these suggestions can help put you on a path to having a more intentional relationship and a well-nurtured marriage.

Read more from Crystal here and here and here. 

​Photo Credit: Jason Corey Photography

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Valentine's Day is just around the corner. 

People.

Valentine's Day really isn't something you should think about at 8:30pm on February 13th, now, is it?

If you want to be intentional about nurturing your marriage, then we would suggest that you start thinking about Valentine's Day - early. If you aren't a believer, read3 Reasons Married Couples Shouldn't Ignore Valentine's Day.

Anyways, whether you love Valentine's Day or not, we've come up with 15 unique Valentine's Day surprises we think your spouse will love.

If you aren't sure what your spouse will love, then you two had better take the 5 Love Languages quiz together stat so you can figure out what to make/do/give your spouse for Valentine's Day in order to show your love and nurture your marriage.

One ritual April has created for Valentine's Day is to gift Aaron an awesome photo mouse pad each year. Of the two of us kissing. And Aaron is awesome enough to use his new mousepad every day at work for a year until the next Valentine's Day. It's kind of a joke, and it's way cheesy, but it's a ritual. It works for us.

Find what works for you!

Hopefully one of these ideas will inspire you to find the perfect surprise for your spouse on Valentine's Day.

​XOXOXOXO. 
​

There you have it, 15 unique, fun, creative, yummy, and simply awesome Valentine's Day surprises you could plan for your one-and-only.

Just remember, every Valentine's Day gift or surprise is made better by a hand-written love letter to accompany it. All the love.

Check out our Pinterest Valentine's Day board for more ideas and inspiration.

It's true.

We have a new teeth whitening ritual, the two of us.

Because we are super romantic like that. 

Honestly though, it is little rituals like these (things you would seriously ONLY do with your best friend) that make marriage what it is, right? The beauty and magic of ordinary moments, the shared time and space, and the chance to just DO life together...these are the things that make marriage beautiful, meaningful, and super fun. 

Taking Care of Yourself

In the past, we have received questions about the importance of taking care of your physical appearance in marriage. 

While we definitely want to emphasize that physical appearance isn't everything, it's so, so, so important to take care of yourself - physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc - in order to be your best self for you, and for your spouse.

One simple way to take care of your physical appearance is to whiten your teeth.

Pretty simple.

No matter the current color of your teeth, whiter teeth make for a brighter, more beautiful smile. And who doesn't want that? 

Giveway for Two

We've teamed up with an incredible company - Smile Brilliant - to offer you a pretty sweet giveaway, the chance to win two free whitening kits for you and your spouse. You know you want to win. 

To enter the giveaway, all you need to do is click here and enter your name and email.**

Do it. And two free whitening kits could possibly be yours. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

​Meet Smile Brilliant - at home teeth whitening that is simple, easy, and affordable. When Smile Brilliant reached out to us, we were totally game for reviewing their product because we like white teeth, we love affordable, and we love that you never have to leave your home! Plus, we really support things we can do together as husband and wife. 

To learn more about Smile Brilliant and how it works (and how easy it is), watch this short clip below. 

We started to refer to this ritual by calling it "putting in our teeth every night." If one of us "put in their teeth" before the other, it was a wild race to join in and catch up. It also seemed to become a small contest of sorts to see who kept their trays in longer. Aaron always won. 

That's because, for Aaron, wearing the trays was a breeze. For April, it was a bit more dramatic (and gross) because she felt like she had to spit all the time (because she didn't want to swallow a single particle of gel/saliva). However, it wasn't the end of the world, and April would just take a few trips to the sink during that hour to spit (TMI). Just keeping it real for you, in case you don't love having things in your mouth, either, but want whiter teeth! 

These kinds of experiences are sooooo good for a marriage. 

Now, our teeth would become a bit sensitive after whitening, so we would simply use the desensitizing gel that came with the kit, and that always helped a ton. We didn't have to use it every night, only when we felt some sensitivity and wanted some relief. We probably only used the desensitizing gel 4-5 times during the five-week period. 

We aren't done using our kits, and we have enough gel to last us quite awhile, but we are so, so, so pleasantly surprised with how easy, comfortable, and simple the whitening process was. We're definitely going to keep using our whitening trays, and we're excited to have a simple way to keep our teeth looking whiter and brighter for years to come. ​Yep, our new teeth whitening ritual is a keeper. 

We are super pleased with how white our teeth look. Even our dentist noticed and commented on how white our teeth look. Score.

These before and after pictures were taken on our iPhone's with absolutely no editing or filters. While the lighting isn't perfect, and April agrees that her make-up is a little more fresh in the after picture, our teeth are definitely whiter. And we love them. 
​
April's teeth were already pretty white, but the kit has definitely improved and maintained the color of her teeth. Aaron noticed a major difference in the brightness of his smile, and April has been commenting all month on his shiny, white smile. Cheesy, but so true. 

Now, not only did we come away with whiter (and more kissable) smiles, but we intentionally spent 30-60 minutes together almost every evening. Our teeth whitening ritual was an incredibly easy way to take care of ourselves and our marriage. Win, win. 

If you want to see more before/afters from people using Smile Brilliant, click here (there are some awesome results) or watch the movie below. 

Win 2 free teeth whitening kits by clicking here!!!

Also, you can use the coupon code: nurturingmarriage at checkout to get 5% off any purchases from Smile Brilliant. Pretty sweet. (This coupon code will expire on January 15th, 2017)

**Giveaway ends on December 30th, 2016.

Photo Credit: Aaron & April Jacob and Smile Brilliant

Groupon.

It's like marriage counseling, but cheaper. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with deal-of-the-day websites like Groupon, get excited, because these websites are soooo good for your marriage.

Seriously. Listen up.  

Okay, so why are we talking about Groupon on a marriage website? Because Groupon can save your marriage. Or at least improve it. 

Sure, you are going to spend money and no one ever "saves" money by spending money, but you are going to be spending money on your marriage, so it is money well spent.

Here are four ways you should start using Groupon to nurture your marriage asap.

1. Christmas. (And other holidays - think Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc)

Christmas is right around the corner, and you had better bet a romantic getaway or fun date night under the tree will nurture your marriage!

Here are some fun Christmas ideas we're liking on Groupon right now:

​- canvas prints
- personalized pillow cases
- monogrammed wallet
- jewelry
- fitness equipment
- golf shoes
- wireless earbuds
- restaurant gift cards
- salt cave sessions
- date nights and getaways (see ideas below)
- and more! 

2. Birthdays

Yes. Remember this article about celebrating your spouse on their birthday?

Please don't forget about your spouse's birthday.

Groupon has endless ideas of birthday gifts for your spouse.

Some fun ideas we like right now include:

- bamboo cutting board
- downtown bike rental (this would be a date)
- flowers
- spa treaments
- spartan race (train together?)
- adult coloring books
- guitar lessons
- birthday cakes and treats
- paddleboarding class
- and more!

3. Anniversaries

If you want to have a great marriage, celebrate your anniversary. Pretty important. Here are 25 ideas to get you thinking.  

Now, take one of those ideas and search Groupon for a good deal. Here are some ideas we're looking at on Groupon right now that could be fun:

- couples massage
- floating spa
- 1500 thread-count sheets
- helicopter tour
- discount to fancy restaurant
- concert/performance tickets
- and more!

Getaways are our favorite way to celebrate anniversaries, and Groupon has some pretty sweet deals. In fact, they have a whole section on getaways! 

Whether you want to sneak away for an overnight getaway close by, or leave the country for a week with your sweetheart, Groupon has the deal for you. Plus, after booking a getaway with Groupon, search Groupon in the location of your getaway for local deals to use during your getaway. 

Here are a few getaway ideas we're dreaming about right now:

- 4-star overnight getaway at a mountain lodge
- All-inclusive Punta Cana stay with airfare
- 5-day Iceland vacation with airfare (Can we please buy this right now? Both of us want to see the Northern Lights so bad!)
- Oceanfront resort
- 13-day Thailand tour
- All-inclusive adventure package in Costa Rica
- and more!
​
4. Date Nights

A well-nurtured marriage requires regular date nights to keep growing. You already knew that, though.

If you start using Groupon to plan date nights, you are going to have more fun than you thought possible on your upcoming dates with that good-looking spouse of yours. Especially if your dates are super novel and adventurous (remember this article). 

In the past, we've put together all kinds of awesome lists of date nights for you. So, look through these lists (spring, summer, fall, winter), pick a few things that look fun, and then search your local Groupon for deals near you. (Often, Groupon will have a PromoCode for a certain amount off of all "local" deals - so Google it and find a deal you can use on top of Groupon's already awesome price.)

Plus, you can use Groupon for date nights, and for crossing off a few items off of your bucket list. Win, win.

​Here are a few ideas we are liking right now: 

- carriage ride
- shooting range
- dance classes
- cooking classes
- painting classes
- bowling
- CPR certification
- grilling and smoking class
- marshmallow making class (totally legit)
​- escape room
- pottery workshop

Yes, Groupon can help you plan amazing holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and date nights - on the cheap.

So, make things happen.

And remember -  Groupon is cheaper than marriage counseling (not that we are against marriage counseling, because we are not...).

As you plan activites that are new and novel, romantic and classy, and down-right fun, your marriage will thrive, opportunities for conversation and connection will grow, and you and your spouse will create beautiful memories together. 

So, go snag a local deal and start nurturing your marriage today. 

​Photo Credit: Groupon & Crooze Photography

​We’ve all been there. Your wife just left her make-up powder all over the bathroom sink—again. You’re tempted to leave your shaving cream in there, too, just to prove a point. Or your husband just left the toilet seat up—again. You’re tempted to make the splash just to show him why leaving it down is so important.
 
Now let’s not get hasty. We know there are times when we’re supposed to discuss things with our spouses instead of getting upset, but in the moment it can be hard to find the right words (or the rational words) to say. Timing really makes a difference when it comes to discussing difficult things, even things as small as a toilet seat or some make-up powder.
 
Here are some do’s and don’ts for bringing up those little difficulties, because the truth is they are little, and when we talk about them at the right time they stay little instead of getting blown out of proportion.
 
Do Wait
 
This one we’ve heard over and over, but it’s often the hardest to remember. Just wait. Wait those extra ten seconds, ten minutes, or ten hours. Bring up small grievances when you are in a better mood and can think more rationally. Blowing up right when you see dirty socks on the floor or loose hair on the shower wall probably won’t actually lead to the kind of discussion that will solve the problem.
 
Don’t Postpone
 
There’s waiting a rational amount of time, and then there’s putting it off again and again until you really do feel like you’ll blow up the next time it happens. Write a note to yourself to “discuss the toilet seat issue” or “talk about hair in the shower” if you need a reminder. But don’t wait until it’s been three weeks to bring something up. Your spouse can’t know that it’s bugging you until you tell them.
 
And especially don’t collect negative points to bring up all at once. Saving up your grievances and then letting them all loose in one heavy load of ammunition in an argument will be both surprising to your spouse and ineffective. Play fair and be honest. Let them know as soon as possible instead of holding it in. The explosion is never as pretty.

​READ: WHY YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE NEED A TALK RITUAL
 
Do Sleep
 
The age old question: Should we go to bed mad? The answer: Well, I’ve actually heard both sides. Some couples really do just need to go to bed angry. Once they’ve gotten enough sleep and can think more clearly, the problem seems much smaller, and the solutions seem much easier. Other couples can’t go to bed angry. They will sit and stew and toss and turn all night and eventually turn the whole thing into an even bigger problem later on. These couples really do need to talk it out before they try to get any sleep.
 
So the answer to the question? It depends. Talk with your spouse about how you like to tackle miscommunications and heated discussions. Your spouse may be the type that gets more emotional the longer they go without sleep. Or your spouse may be the type that needs to get everything off their chest and out of their brain before they can crawl into bed for the night.
 
Understanding each other’s needs will help you to know when to sleep and when to take a five-minute break and then try the discussion one more time before bed. And if one of you needs the sleep and the other needs to talk, decide on a typically low-stress time during the day to check in and ask, “Is there anything you want to say before we go to bed tonight?” You’ll both be less tired, and you’ll both have a clearer mind before bed. 

Don’t Ignore
 
Getting enough sleep is essential to any emotional situation, especially a difficult discussion. But using it as an excuse to get out of a conversation is probably not the best idea either. Acknowledge when you need to just push through the uncomfortable feelings and tough love to find solutions together.
 
Sometimes it’s harder to decide to tackle the problem and much easier to just think, “I’ll deal with this tomorrow.” But take the time that you both need to be able to discuss both sides of the situation. Let your spouse say what they need to say, and kindly say everything that you need to say. Getting both opinions on the table in full will actually make the process faster in the long run. You’ll be able to work on finding solutions instead of going back to the same discussion over and over to finish telling each other everything you feel about the situation.
 
Do Look for Moments
 
Weekly discussions as a couple can be a great time to bring up what you want to work on together and as individuals. Create a safe space and a specified time every week in which you can discuss how you’re doing in your relationship.
 
Or, if you find that setting a specified time means you’ll just dread that discussion all week, look for unscheduled happy moments. Bring up a difficult topic while you’re both relaxed in the car on the way to a movie or while you’re both sitting on the couch unwinding after work. Find moments of low-stress and minimized distraction. Then kindly and carefully ask your spouse if it’s a good time to talk about something. You could say, “Hey, while we’re both not stressing about it, can I talk to you about something that’s been bugging me lately?” Be willing to wait if your spouse needs to talk another time, but take that moment to set a specific time when you will talk together about your concerns.

READ: 3 SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
 
Don’t Complain
 
Talking through the difficult things is important. But remember to emphasize the good in your relationship, too. If you have a specified time for couple discussion, or even if you’ve just found a happy moment in which you’d like to have a more serious discussion, remember that you don’t always have to bring up something that is going wrong. In fact, the more positive things you bring up about your relationship, the safer your spouse will feel when they do need to bring up a concern. Besides, your spouse can’t always know what they’re doing right unless you tell them. So point out the positive! Remember to acknowledge the good points of your relationship just as much as, if not more than, you bring up the things you need to work on together. 

​Photo Credit:Crooze Photography

It's that time of year again. And with Halloween around the corner we recognize both the Halloween haters and the lovers. For most of you reading this, dressing up is probably so not your thing. Then again, maybe it is. No matter what, we've pulled together 8 costumes that ANYBODY should feel comfortable (and maybe even enjoy) wearing. Come on, who doesn't love bacon? Or Bob Ross? Or pizza (do I spy a food theme, here?)? Comment below with your favorite "couple costume idea." 

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Written by Aaron & April Jacob

Is your spouse's birthday coming up? Or is your anniversary just around the corner? Or is your spouse's love language "receiving gifts" and they could use a little "I love you, so here is a special gift," kind of reminder?

If so, listen up!

There are lots of ways to say "I love you!" - most of which don't need to cost anything. But, if you're looking for something a little extra special to surprise your spouse with, then gifts can be a great way to express your love and appreciation (and to nurture your marriage). Plus, we have a GREAT idea for you! 

But before we get to that, let's chat about how to pick out the perfect gift for your spouse.

​READ: THE BEST MARRIAGE ADVICE AROUND

Selecting a great gift for your spouse can be hard... like really hard (okay, maybe not for everyone - but it is for us!). How do you know if your spouse actually likes your gift, or if they're simply smiling out of obligation and would immediately return it if they knew it wouldn't hurt your feelings?

If finding the perfect gift is something you struggle with, then try these 3 tips:
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1. Pay careful attention to what your spouse values.

Do they appreciate physical gifts, or are they more interested in sharing experiences? Do they value quantity (like LOTS of roses and boxes of chocolates) or quality (like that name-brand handbag)?

2. Consider something your spouse would get a lot of use out of.

For example, are they desperately in need of a new laptop or phone or whatever-they're-into-and-use-on-a-regular-basis? If so, that makes for a great gift idea because every time they use your gift, they'll think of you and remember how much you love them and how much they love you - talk about having a lasting impact!

3. Think about something new and exciting they may not have considered before, but you know they'd love.

Is your spouse a runner who has typically run on a treadmill but would love mountain biking in the hills near your home? If so, then surprise him or her with a bike. Have you typically gone on day dates together, but you know your spouse would love an overnight adventure? Then gift them an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast (babysitters lined up and all).

Written by Bethany Bartholomew

Written by Hava Brown

Written by Tycie Monson

​My husband and I will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this summer. I know that in the grand scheme of things that’s hardly any time at all, so by no means am I claiming to be a marriage expert! But the hubby and I have talked a lot about how far we’ve come since our newlywed days. Although the excitement, sweetness, and special time that is the newlywed phase is wonderful, we actually love married life more almost four years later! So for you newlyweds out there, just know: It should get better and better. 

I have quite a few friends who are in their first year of marriage. This post is dedicated to all of you! 

Things I Want My Newlywed Friends to Know

1) Keep having sex!

So, yeah. I hope we’re all comfortable with talking about sex around here. Because it’s great, and it’s super important. Like, one of the MOST important aspects of marriage. So for starters, if you’re uncomfortable with talking about sex, make yourself comfortable! Get yourself educated! Educated on your body, on his/her body, on the sex basics, etc… It’s extremely important, and it should be amazing.

Words from a marriage counselor: “Sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates… it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust…” (Anderson, Is Sex Necessary). 

The honeymoon is a time for you to start learning about each other on a truly deep, intimate level. Don’t let that exploration stop - ever!

READ: THE SIX SENSES OF HEALTHY SEX

​2) Keep talking.

While you dated your spouse you probably talked about anything and everything under the sun. Don’t let that stop! Keep talking about everything with each other. Talk about the things that are important to you, talk about your dreams, talk about your day, talk about your fears, and talk about hard things. The lines of communication in a marriage should be open and running 24/7, and you both should be able to confide in one another about everything- from the simplest day-to-day things to the deepest thoughts of your heart.

3) Keep dating.

Just because you’ve said “I do” doesn’t mean you get to call it good and stop winning over your spouse’s love. In fact, dating is more important now than ever before! You’re one of the lucky ones- you’ve found your one-and- only! Now make sure to treat them like your one-and-only and make it a priority to keep getting to know them and woo them.

READ: 100 SUMMER DATE IDEAS YOU WILL LOVE

Important: Going on dates with your spouse should not be a rare occasion. Make it a regular habit, and put effort into the planning process!

I love The Dating Diva’s website! It’s a great resource for date ideas and marriage tips.

4) Keep making plans.

Just like you made plans about your future together while you were dating and engaged, you should continue to make plans with your spouse after you get married. Having goals and dreams that you can work toward together can bring a lot of unity, fun, and commitment to your relationship. Have fun with each other and try to have something to look forward to at all phases of your life together! (Like right now, my husband and I are in the beginning stages of planning a trip to Disneyland for our 5th  anniversary next year! Woot! Woot!)

5) Act like you’re married.

This may be obvious, but when you get married, act like you’re married. Use good judgment and strive to avoid doing ANYTHING that would betray your spouse’s trust in you.

Some good practices once you get married include:

- Being open with colleagues, friends, etc. that you are a married man/woman.

- Keeping your social media life transparent with your spouse.

READ: 10 THINGS LOYAL SPOUSES DO

- Being smart about your contact with old flames, crushes, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. (For example, it wouldn’t be very wise to strike up a private conversation between an old boyfriend or girlfriend unless your spouse is completely aware (or better yet, involved in the conversation, too).)

​- Talking about your husband/wife with affection, love, and respect around other people (even on days when you’re arguing about something).

- Showing affection toward your spouse everywhere you go (PDA anyone? Bring it on!).

Marriage is wonderful, amazing, fun, beautiful, and exciting. It also takes a lot of hard work, humility, and selflessness. If we want to have happy, lasting marriages, we need to put our relationships with our spouses as our #1 priority; and we need to show our spouses that they ARE our #1, our best friend, our lover, and our favorite person in the whole world. You’re on the right path if you and your spouse show each other by word AND deed that nothing else, no one else, is more important to you than they are.

This post was originally published here.

Photo Credit: Crooze Photography

Written by Michelle Chandler

Hi, there! My name is Michelle and I am a full-time working mother and wife. I adore my job withThe Baby Cubby running their Cubby Community Blog where we strive to empower mothers and family's everywhere, but more often than I would like to admit I find that I get to the end of my day and realize that I haven't even really looked at my husband that day. Or talked to him. Or really listened. Not because I don't want to, just because life gets in the way between both of us working, loving our daughter, and doing the dishes (for the millionth time, do they ever end?!). That's why my husband and I have been working so hard to find ways that we can connect with each other throughout the day, even if it's not in person.

Here are ten ideas for you to try out, too!

1. Text "I love you" at least once a day.

I know this sounds super simple, and many of you probably do it already, but there is something about seeing that and having it constantly reinforced. I mean, you really just can't say those three little words enough!

2. Come up with conversation topics.

One of the things that I love to do is listen to podcasts on my commutes to and from work. My personal favorite is Radio Lab which has crazy topics all the time! At the end of the day when we sometimes feel we have nothing to talk about, it's nice to bring up this wacky story that I heard on the podcast. Total. Winner.

3. Send funny things to each other.

I know that you use your phone in the bathroom too, and search Facebook for that funny little thing that will keep you going throughout the day. Send that funny meme or video or picture to your spouse! Or, if you're at home with the kids and they do something hilarious, send a video or picture to your spouse! It will make their day and help them feel involved, too!

READ: EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT FLIRTING IN MARRIAGE

4. Lunch dates. They're a thing.
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My husband just finished school and so he is finally at work for a full 8-hour day and so am I! Which means: lunch dates are now a staple. Our daughter is already at day care anyway, so we may as well get some couple time. We usually just run to our nearest sandwich shop and chat for about a half hour while we eat. It's the perfect way to eat lunch.

​5. Leave a little love note on their car.

If you wake up earlier than your spouse or go to bed later, then it's not that hard to leave a little love note on their car window. I used to do this all the time when my husband and I were dating and it literally made all the difference in his day. You can even mix it up by getting their favorite bag of candy and leaving it in their car as well, to make their day a little sweeter!

6. Ask how their day is going.

By the end of the day I have usually checked out. I don't want to think about work or anything else that day. Which means that when my husband asks how my day went when we're eating dinner he doesn't get a stellar answer. BUT, when he asks me how my day is going in the middle of the day I'm much more likely to remember what is actually happening along with other important information. We are much more in tune with each others lives since we have begun doing this!

​READ: 100 WAYS TO SERVE YOUR SPOUSE

7. Kiss for at least 7 seconds once a day.

There is a study that came out recently talking about the 7-second kiss and how that is the minimum amount of time you need to kiss each other in order to feel connected. So, do that! When you get home from work really kiss your spouse. Even if your kids go, "Ewwww!" It will be good for them to see that you love each other and that kisses are reserved for those you adore.

8. Find your happy place.

My husband and I recently acquired a gas fire pit and it has been our happy place all summer long. We make sure we're always stocked up on marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers and make our way out there as soon as princess is in bed. It's the perfect place to reconnect and talk about our hopes and dreams for a minute. Also, it's a little romantic, which is always a plus.

9. Tickle each other.

And by this I mean be goofy. Remember when you were young and fun and flirted all day long? Those days can be yours again! Just make an effort to poke and prod and be immature for a minute. I am really extremely ticklish and so my husband likes to take advantage of that more often than not. It gets us giggling and laughing and smiling - which is something so precious that can get lost in the busyness of life!

10. Say goodnight to each other.

This seems like just the polite thing to do and a no-brainer, but you would be surprised at how many couples don't do this! By saying goodnight you are acknowledging that there is someone else in your life that really cares what you are doing. Heck, it may even prompt them to head up to bed with you!

Don't let life tear your marriage apart. Small and simple things are key to keeping your marriage strong. No longer is it about the big, romantic gestures. Now it is about those thoughtful, small moments that you will cherish forever. So identify what your spouse would really love to see or hear or do with you and run with it! They'll just be glad to hear they're on your mind throughout the day.

Can you believe it’s already the middle of July!?! We’re more than half way through 2016 – wow! How has the first half gone? How many items have you been able to check off your couple bucket list? How have you been able to nurture your marriage so far this year?

READ: 16 GOALS TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE IN 2016
 
With the busyness of life, it’s all too easy to go days, weeks, and even months without really connecting and spending quality time with your spouse. It’s too easy to get caught up in the “thick of thin things” and later realize that it’s been a lengthy period of time since you’ve made a conscious effort to nurture your marriage. There are work demands, kids’ activities, community events, family reunions, church and other volunteer responsibilities, and the list goes on and on. While each of these activities are good, meaningful, and important, they can become a distraction to something even more important – your marriage and relationship with your spouse!

If you aren’t careful, these good activities could very well replace (or at the very least detract from and inhibit) something much better.
 
Chances are you know a couple that was married for years – perhaps even raised a family together – and later ended up divorced. How does that happen? Of course, facts and circumstances vary with each unique story and sometimes there’s no better path forward (and we don’t want to minimize the challenges that some individuals and couples face), but, it’s pretty likely that the couple you know let the busyness of life slowly overwhelm and erode their once vibrant relationship. Now, that may not have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but no doubt it contributed to the heavy load the camel was packing in the first place that laid the foundation for the disaster of divorce.  
 
READ: 5 WAYS TO GIVE YOUR WIFE THE AFFECTION SHE CRAVES

One very simple and practical idea that can help you avoid this all-too-familiar story is to create daily touch points with your spouse.
 
What is a Daily Touch Point?

Put very simply, it’s an opportunity for you and your spouse to reconnect throughout the day. It’s an opportunity for you to show and express your appreciation and love for each other in the midst of the busyness of life. It’s possible that you’re going through one of the busiest times of your marriage, but despite all those outside distractions, you and your spouse can still maintain (and even nurture!) your relationship together!

Having a daily touch point (or several daily touch points) is a simple trick to keep that marital flame burning bright even when the winds of life are blowing strong, because the goal of daily touch points is CONNECTION. 

What does a daily touch point look like?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• A quick snuggle in the morning before dragging yourself out of bed to conquer the world.
• A phone call during lunch just to check in.
• Secretly putting a reoccurring reminder on your spouse’s phone that says “I love you!”
• A quick text to your spouse right before their big meeting starts to wish them good luck and tell them how proud you are.

READ: 2 SURPRISING WAYS YOU MIGHT BE RELATIONALLY AGGRESSIVE

• Hiding a note in their lunch with all kinds of mushy-gushy-lovey-dovey stuff.
• An email with a funny inside joke to lighten the afternoon.
• Putting a picture of you and your spouse on your last anniversary getaway together on your desk at work.
• Stopping on your way home to grab a flower for your spouse (or ice cream!).
• Giving your spouse a little love tap on their bum when you pass them in the kitchen as you rush out the door.
• Sending them a picture of you while you’re on your fancy business trip.

One of the best ways to create a daily touch point is to take your spouse's emotional temperature. Every day. 

Take Your Spouse's Temperature

Just as a doctor would use a thermometer to take a patient's temperature, you can use an emotional thermometer to find out how your spouse is feeling.  Are they stressed, tired, happy, depressed, discouraged, mad, excited, angry, upset, frustrated?  The emotions will vary depending on the day, life stressors (children fit into this category), and the overall health and well-being of your spouse. 

So, how do you take your spouse's emotional temperature? 

1) Look in their eyes.

2) Touch them in a loving, but non-sexual way (i.e. take their hand, touch their face, run your fingers through their hair, kiss them on the cheek, etc.).

3 ) Ask, "How are you?" With an emphasis on the word YOU. (Not, "How was your day?" or "How was work?" but "How are YOU?")

Try and do all three at the same time. Unless your spouse is incredibly good at hiding their feelings, it should be pretty obvious to you where they fall on the emotional-temperature scale. Knowing where your spouse is at will give you the ability to then help meet your spouse's needs and find ways to serve them. 

If your wife is in a great mood because her client meeting went extremely well today, then celebrate accordingly. If your husband had a rough day and comes home stressed, be sensitive to his feelings and find a way to make his evening a little better. Now, if he just happens to be HANGRY (hungry, and therefore, angry); please get him some food asap. And read this post. 

Sometimes it won't be easy to read your spouse's temperature, but with time, you will become more sensitive and discerning of your spouse's needs, feelings, and emotional health.  

There are countless ways that you and your spouse can create daily touch points. The key is to be consistent and make it happen. Making this simple effort is one way to help ensure that your relationship will survive the inevitable storms of life and emerge stronger than ever!
 
So, what are your daily touch points? We want to hear in the comments below!

Photo Credit: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels

Written by Leslie Pelon

“I was ready to kick him to his own room until we stopped sharing a blanket!” she said and everyone laughed like they knew exactly what she was talking about. For me, her comment was like being hit over the head with a shovel. I stood in that church parking lot surrounded by friends and my jaw hit the floor. After six years of marriage I had finally learned I wasn’t alone. I was not the only one for whom sharing a bed with another person was challenging!

You are probably all laughing at me. I mean really, how many memes and cartoons are out there about a bed hogging spouse? How many jokes have been made on sitcoms about snorers and snugglers? Honestly I should have entered marriage expecting an adjustment, but I didn’t. I had this Hollywood picture in my head of spending every night getting frisky with my husband and then falling asleep in each other’s arms and staying there the entire night. No one’s arm would fall asleep. No one would get overheated. No one would roll over in their sleep and push the other person out of bed. We would spend every night of our marriage in the perfect sleep world. Much to my chagrin after only two weeks of marriage my husband rolled me out of bed in the middle of the night and I ended up at the student health center with a sprained wrist, thus ending my dreams of night time bliss.

Even after realizing that my vision of bed sharing was not 100% accurate, I still thought we must be the exception. I assumed most other people were perfectly happy and never struggled. That is until I had the above conversation with some friends. All the sudden it hit me, “This is a problem for a lot of people!”

So I went home and wrote up a survey about the sleep habits of married couples and shared it on my Facebook wall. Long story short, 4,515 responses later I have learned that almost every single couple has some sort of bedroom conflict, and somehow that made me feel so much better about my life. Maybe the old adage is true, misery really does love company. This article is the first of a four-part series that reviews different aspects of the survey and how the results can help each of us better nurture our marriages.

According to my, granted not very scientific, study at least 44% of married couples require at least some time to adjust to sharing a bed with their spouse.

I thought it was fascinating that so many people had taken a while to get used to sharing a bed with another person.

The group that fascinated me was the “I’m still not used to it group”. I assumed that most of them must be newlyweds, but that wasn’t necessarily the case. While those who had been married less than a year did make up the largest group they were less than half of those who said they still struggled with sharing a bed with their spouse.

I also found it interesting that wives were only slightly more likely to need time to get used to sharing a bed than their husbands.

The 2.5% in the “Other” section were fun, many of them filling out fun responses. Some brought on a chuckle and some gave advice and insight into how to work through sleep issues in a relationship:

“I’m used to it, but occasionally subconsciously I shy away from cuddling." - Wife married 1-5 years

“Couldn’t wait to.” - Husband married 10-20 years

“We do not share a bed. Sleep separate.” - Wife married 1-5 years

“It took about a week but now we bed share with an almost one year old who likes to kick in her sleep." - Wife married 1-5 years.

“3 months - basically until we switched to a king.” – Husband married less than a year

“Took about a year after we were married but about 10 years later his snoring habits and shifting in his sleep were so bad that I rarely have a good night's sleep.” - Wife married 20+ years

Let's talk anniversaries. Why? Well, because anniversaries are a big deal. 

A big deal.

Your anniversary is the birthday of your marriage, and it deserves a big celebration. Notice, I didn't say costly or extravagant, rather, BIG. 

We have found that couples who are struggling in their marriages usually don't do a lot of the little things, and they certainly don't have routines and rituals in place surrounding anniversaries, Valentine's Day, birthdays, and other big events. That's okay, because today is a new day and a new start and it is never too late to put meaningful rituals in place in your marriage. 

One thing we've noticed is that healthy couples are great at celebrating important events together.​ (That obviously isn't the only determining factor to their healthy relationship, but it helps!) They are really good at remembering their anniversaries and being intentional in how they choose to celebrate them. It isn't necessarily the fact that they plan the most amazing dates or getaways, but the fact that they choose to remember those dates and to make them a bigger deal than any other ordinary day. 

That intentionality is what nurtures their marriage - they are mindful about their marriage, and want to keep it as their top priority. 

One obstacle a lot of couples face is that one spouse wants to celebrate their anniversary and the other spouse doesn't really care to (Not that the spouse doesn't care about the marriage, but they just don't think their anniversary needs to be celebrated.). Now, if you are the spouse that doesn't care, we're not here to get on your case, but rather to try and help you see how important your anniversary is, and how celebrating it will nurture your marriage.

Celebrating your anniversary will not only help your spouse feel loved and appreciated, but it will help him or her to feel secure in your relationship. Making your anniversary a big deal will strengthen your marriage by giving you time to reflect on how you have grown together through the years, by giving you an opportunity to bond over special dates and getaways, and by giving you a chance to express your love in a bigger way than you may normally do. 

So how do you actually make your anniversary a big deal? How do you make things happen?

Here are 3 practical tips for making your anniversary celebrations more successful. 

1. Talk about your expectations.

Sit down together and talk about what you would both love to do, and to receive, for your anniversary. She may want a simple dinner at home. He may want to go to a fancy restaurant. She may not want flowers, but instead a mani-pedi. He may want an overnight vacation away from the kids. Figure out what you want and then decide how to make it happen. 

READ: 10 REASONS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE NEED A ROMANTIC GETAWAY

2. Take turns planning.

It would be wise to either divvy out specific responsibilities or to switch off planning your whole anniversary every other year. For example, you may decide that she will plan and reserve the romantic getaway location and you will plan the itinerary of daily activities. Or you may sit down and plan the whole date/getaway together. Some couples enjoy taking turns planning either Valentine's Day or their anniversary each year, which can make for some fun surprises and adventures together. 

3. Set a budget. 

Finally, set a budget together. Be clear about how much money you would like to spend on gifts, or if you don't want to spend any money at all (homemade gifts rock). If you decide to make a trip out of your anniversary, set a budget and put aside the money now. Make sure you both are united on how much money you want to invest in celebrating your big day together (Yes, money spent on anniversary celebrations is an investment in your marriage, peeps, and will be worth every penny!).

Now that you have a better idea for how to make things happen for your upcoming anniversary, here are 25 fun ideas to help get you brainstorming! Please remember that there is no set protocol for a successful anniversary celebration, except that it happens - year after year after year.

You don't have to follow the typical "themed gift," for your anniversary unless you want to (That sooooo isn't our thing, but maybe it is yours!). You may want to brainstorm dates and gifts that match your spouse's love language, or to create a ritual that is uniquely yours (and one you can continue year after year). 

No matter what you choose to do to celebrate, try to create rituals, dates, or getaways that have meaning for you and your spouse.

​READ: 5 WAYS TO GIVE YOUR WIFE THE AFFECTION SHE CRAVES

25 Ideas for Celebrating Your Anniversary

1. Kidnap your spouse in the morning and take him or her to your special spot. Have a picnic breakfast together.
2. Make your spouse a full on fancy meal - all from scratch.
3. Give your spouse a gift (small gift) for each year you have been married - hide them around the house and send your spouse on scavenger hunt to find them. 
4. Make a card that says, "I have loved you for _______ days/hours/minutes," etc. Do the math. 
5. Go back to where you first met (if you have moved away, a romantic getaway is calling your name!). 
6. Stay in bed all day and watch movies, cuddle, and have all your favorite foods available.
7. Eat at the same restaurant each year, and ask if you can sit in the same booth. Take a picture each year of the two of you sharing a kiss in your booth. Make sure the staff knows it is your anniversary and persuade them to do something special for the two of you (or pay them ahead of time!). 
8. Rent a limo and go to a fancy dinner.
9. Go on a dinner cruise on a river or ocean.
10. Dance to the same song each year on your anniversary - make it YOUR song as a couple.