5 Ways to Meet Your Husband's Most Basic Needs

11/16/2016

Your husband is a pretty simple creature, right? He has a few basic needs, that if met, produce a pretty happy guy. And that is why you really shouldn't slack off on these basic needs, ladies. You may feel like some of them aren't your job, or are things you don't necessarily care for, but these five things are vital to your husband's happiness, emotional satisfaction, ability to feel loved and level of attachment he feels to you.

You are doing better than you think at meeting your husband's needs. However, you can do even better. With a simple realization that these five things are what your husband needs in a marriage relationship, you will be better able to serve him and nurture your marriage in the process. See, these are things that can't fall by the wayside without hurting your marriage. Things that good man you married desperately needs from you. Don't brush these things off - work at them! You can become more interested in baseball, you can put on a little make-up when you go out, and you can tell him daily how grateful you are for all he does to take care of you and your own.

The following five needs are taken from Willard F. Harley, Jr.'s book, "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage." We hope these ideas help you nurture your relationship with your husband this week.

Men's 5 Most Basic Needs - and how to

meet them.

1. Sexual Fulfillment

When was the last time you initiated things in the love-making department? Well, this week is your chance. It seems so cliche that your husband's top need is sexual fulfillment, but it just is. So get over it. And embrace it - because you are the sexual fulfillment he wants and needs. So, how can you step it up a little? Read this article or this article, and then flirt with your husband a little over dinner. Small things. You take the lead, and he will be thrilled.

2. Recreational Companionship

So your husband loves to hunt, or read sci-fi, or watch boxing, or snorkel, or do any number of things that don't interest you at all. It's perfectly alright for him to spend time on his hobbies and interests, or even to do them with guy friends, but your marriage is going to be in a better place if you put in a little effort to be interested in what he is interested in. You never know what new hobbies and interests you may fall in love with!

I'll never forget a wise elderly woman I met during our summer in San Diego. She gave me some of the best marriage advice ever - she said, "Love what your husband loves. I got into fixing cars and golfing so I could spend more time with my husband, and it was the best choice ever."

I'm not suggesting giving up your hobbies and interests, but I am suggesting that you choose to be selfless and stay up-to-date on his favorite sport's teams so you can talk about them over dinner. It seems so simple, and maybe a bit fake at first, but with time it will be natural for him to talk with you about all the things he loves, and he will feel and know that you care. These are the things that help your husband feel loved and secure.

3. An Attractive Spouse

Don't bite my head off here, okay? But women, your husband married you (in part) because he was attracted to you.

Stay attractive.

Shower. Shave. Smell nice. Put on make-up if that is your thing. Do your hair. Work-out. Eat healthy.

You don't have to look amazing every moment of the day, but make an effort.

I can already hear your excuses for why you shouldn't do a number of these things, or why he should love you just the way you are, but I'm telling you - this is a need your husband has that you can meet. It just takes effort.

Get ready for him.

Do small things to be attractive to your hubby. Just think - you get ready for appointments or girls' nights out, but then never get ready when you are just going to spend an evening at home together.

The one person you should care most about looking good for is your spouse.

That being said, isn't it awesome that our spouse can see us first thing in the morning, or sick with the flu, and still love us just the way we are? Balance, my friends, balance.

4. Domestic Support

I know this isn't the 1950's, but no matter what you may say, women are natural homemakers. It's one of your gifts. You care more about how your home looks and feels than your husband does. You notice if the dishes aren't done. Your husband doesn't.

Your husband can and should share the workload at home, but you can serve him and meet one of his deep needs by fulfilling the role of homemaker to the best of your ability.

It may seem silly, and maybe it stems from how he felt love from his mom, but men love a good home-cooked meal and a place to relax and enjoy life. Make him a nice dinner from time to time.

Make your home a place where you both want to be.

5. Admiration

Your man craves admiration. And recognition. And approval. And appreciation. So, give it to him - all the time. He needs to know you care. That you see all that he does to try to provide for and take care of you. He needs to know he is an amazing husband. He needs to have you recognize all the small things he does for you.

Here are a few ways you could let him know how much you admire him this week.

Say something like this in front of his friends, "I love watching [insert husband's name here] with children. He is so so so good with our kids, and with any kids. Seriously, kids are obsessed with him. I always wanted a man who was good with kids and I scored big-time in that arena."

Leave him a note on the seat of his car that says, "Thanks for being my man."

Every night express appreciation for his hard work by saying something like, "Thanks for all the long hours you have been putting in. I appreciate you."

Or you could simply wrap your arms around him and tell him he is amazing and that you love everything about him.

So there you have it, five simple ways to make your husband feel like a million bucks and have his heart tied to you and no one else.

These are simple acts that happy marriages are made of, because serving your spouse and focusing on meeting their needs is probably the very BEST way to nurture your marriage.

Men, we want to hear from you. What else do you need from your wives? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Read: 5 Ways to Give Your Wife the Affection She Craves

Photo Credit: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels

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18 Comments

Maggir

11/18/2016 08:56:19 am

What happens if theses 5 Things don't come easy for one to express

11/18/2016 09:22:07 am

There's actually a lot of great content on this site and ideas that should help. Check out their INTIMACY section...

Aaron & April link

11/23/2016 08:40:15 am

J, Thanks so much! We hope the resources we provide are practical and helpful. We appreciate your comment!

A&A

11/23/2016 08:39:25 am

Hey Maggir,

Great comment and concern. A lot of times these things don't come easy, but thankfully most of them can be learned! Have you ever taken the 5 Love Languages quiz? It's often easiest for us to express love in the way we best receive love, and in the ways that our parents expressed love to us.

However, taking the time to learn the skills necessary to help your spouse feel loved is so critical in nurturing your marriage. We would suggest picking just one thing to work on this week and focusing on it every day. As you are intentional about it and practice it, it will get easier.

Please feel free to email us with any more questions or concerns.

Thanks!
A&A

You can take the quiz here (you may have to copy and paste this link!): http://www.nurturingmarriage.org/values-to-live-by/take-the-5-love-languages-quiz

11/18/2016 09:18:20 am

#5 means very little to a guy if not supported by #1. Otherwise, it's just words not backed by action. When #1 and #5 are done together, it sends a clear message that you (the wife) mean what you say and not just giving lip service to be nice or put on a show for others to see.

11/23/2016 08:41:35 am

J,

Absolutely! Especially if #1 & #5 are your top needs. These needs came from the book, His Needs/Her Needs and they can vary in the way men rate them on the scale. Those two may be your top, and they really do go hand in hand. Thanks for pointing that out!

A&A

Brandie

11/23/2016 09:48:05 am

I agree with this article 100% I fulfill every one of those needs and our marriage is amazing.

11/23/2016 09:47:19 pm

Brandie,

That is so so so wonderful! Way to go, and thanks for sharing!

lora

1/19/2017 06:11:54 pm

"I know this isn't the 1950's"--or is it? This site has some great stuff but this one is really old school. Not in a good way. Reads like a marriage manual from the Eisenhower era.

10/16/2017 08:03:08 pm

Hi Iora,

Some men may not have these as their top needs, so this article may not have gone over well with you. The important thing is to figure out what you can do for your spouse, and how you can nurture your marriage and strengthen your friendship and love. Best to you!

Josh

8/15/2018 09:56:37 am

I think that allthough it sounds old fashioned it really is not. There is a reason that men and women have had defining roles and characteristics. I don’t think less of my wife because she nurtures our children at home and keeps it looking orderly. I tell her how grateful I am for it, because it is something that I simply am not good at. It really speaks to me when she has food cooked at home and I can relax in a clean environment. I don’t think this is old fashioned, maybe as a society we should look backward at marraiges that lasted a lifetime and see what they did right. There are many examples of my own grandparents who fufilled this very need and they were married their entire lives.

Kat

9/1/2017 10:35:26 am

I used to think those were sexist, old fashionned things that existed to oppress women. But, with experience in life and thought, I realise that men have been this way for thousands of years. Yes women should be treated fairly, but biology has made men a certain way with instictual preferences. Yes, I hate doing my hair and makeup on my day off, I hate going to all those sporting events. I do it anyways, because he appreciates it, and a happy husband is a helping husband ;)

10/16/2017 08:05:03 pm

Kat,

Thanks for your comment! Such great wisdom. Yes, usually when we start thinking about the other person and what we can do for them, or how we can help them feel loved, then they return that love and kindness. As you give to your relationship, your spouse will be more likely to want to give back. As you two continue to take care of each other and the relationship, your marriage will become more connected, meaningful, and wonderful than you thought possible.

tom

11/25/2017 11:48:02 pm

chill out

Jess

1/21/2019 02:57:14 am

Really amazing that this is actually considered controversial now. Women have such demanding expectations of men so much of the time and then the same women will take offense to some basic stuff like this that men expect. Hypocrisy aside, there’s nothing wrong with such expectations on either side. This is nothing crazy and it’s honestly sad how much people deny their instincts these days. Personally I can’t imagine why any of these is so offsetting to anyone, I take delight in fulfilling every single one of these both because I genuinely enjoy them myself and because I love my husband and want to make him happy.

Tony

3/3/2021 08:26:16 am

Fulfilling his needs in the bedroom isn't just about initiating sex. It will vary from man to man, obviously, but every man has a fantasy. Give him a blowjob (and let him finish!). Try a new position. Put some energy into the act; his body is a stage and you are the star! Get into it, get noisy. Basically, be his personal porn star. I know it sounds insane, but it puts a lot of the lovemaking power back into your hands, and it is a reason that some weaker men stray. You don't like him watching porn? BE his porn.

Angela

3/8/2021 05:37:00 pm

Yeah, right Tony. In your dreams. Most wives would hate to be regarded as her husband's 'porn star'. Just be careful what you are saying.

3/8/2021 05:32:16 pm

Not good advice unless you are in a good marriage with a good man. Some wives just can't do this. And when is it ever okay to tell women, or anyone for that matter what they think and what they are good at, (no matter what you say, women are natural homemakers. It's one of your gifts??). I love my husband, but I'm sure glad he's not this needy.