So, you want your husband to be more romantic? You wish he would bring you flowers every week like he did when you were dating, or take you on moonlight strolls through the park?
These five suggestions may help bring a little romance back into your marriage.
Taking Stock with The Five Love Languages
What is it you really want when you say you want your husband to be a romantic? Do you want him to bring you lovely little gifts from time to time - jewelry, flowers, chocolate, etc? Or do you really want him to woo you and take you on romantic dates to fancy restaurants, concerts, etc?
Are you aching for a deep emotional connection with him? A connection where you can share your thoughts, worries, hopes and dreams with him, and where he wants to share those things with you. Do you wish he would do more things to make your life easier? Surprise you with breakfast in bed, a clean house, a girl's night out, a shopping trip? Or are you hoping for him to romance you with sweet nothings in your ear, compliments about your appearance, or constant expressions of his love through word, note and song?
Dr. Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages (go here to learn more) may help you better understand what it is you hope for in a "romantic" husband. It will also help you understand what your husband wants and needs from you.
In addition to understanding each other's love languages, these five suggestions may help.
1. Have realistic expectations.
In all reality, your husband probably isn't Mr. Darcy. Sorry to burst your bubble. However, for all you know, he may think he is. He may very well think he's the most romantic guy in the world and may not even realize that you don't feel the same way. So, take a step back and recognize all the little things he is doing - romantic things like picking up his socks, taking out the garbage, or carrying the laundry basket upstairs. From time to time he may even get really romantic and fill up your car with gas, hug you when you get out of the shower, or kiss you goodbye when he leaves.
The bottom line is to have realistic expectations. Your marriage may not look like a chapter out of Pride and Prejudice, and that's okay. Be thankful and delighted in any little thing your husband does to express his love.
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2. Take the lead and be romantic.
Write your husband love letters and spray them with perfume. Buy a little gift for him and leave it on the seat of his car. Plan a romantic dinner-date at home, including soft music, candles, and delicious food. Email him a quote that expresses how you feel about him. Call him during your lunch break just to say, "I love you." Make sure from time to time that you make a special effort to look extra nice for him. Spend time doing the things he loves.
In all of this, you shouldn't simply "be romantic," to try and get your husband to be more romantic. Because, in all honesty, this isn't all about you. It's about showing your husband that you love him and determining to be intentional about it. So find out how your husband best receives love (take that quiz!) and then get to work!
Even with all of your efforts, your husband may not catch on to your desire for him to be more romantic. That is okay. You may need to kindly show, and tell, him the specific things you like, which leads to number three.
3. Don't be afraid to point out what you like.
If your husband gets your door while you are out on a date, be sure to express how much that means to you and what a gentleman he is. Be vocal about all the things he does that you absolutely love. If he makes a comment about how nice you smell or how beautiful you look, take a moment to give him a little kiss and tell him "thank you." When it comes to making love, be sure and point out what you like and enjoy. You simply can't expect your husband to read your mind about what you like and what romances you. Just tell him.
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4. Be intentional about your time together.
You can create a more romantic atmosphere by paying attention to the time you spend together. Don't let the tv, phone, or computer separate you when you are in the same room. Ask your husband questions about his day. Scratch his back. Take his hand and take him outside to watch the sunset or walk around the block. Don't just let him sit and watch that football game alone - snuggle up on the couch next to him and start cuddling. Flirt with him, laugh over commercials together, run your fingers through his hair, etc.
5. Recognize what romance really looks like.
In all of this, it's important to remember what romance really looks like. Most people tend to think of romance as roses, chocolate, and candle-light dinners, but perhaps the truest romance your husband offers you is his selfless love, his constant companionship, and his genuine loyalty to you and to your family. You see, he really is a romantic, in the deepest, truest kind of way. He is your strength, your support, your best friend, and your companion. You lucky woman, you. Now, go let him know how much you appreciate the incredible man that he is.
Photo Credit bottom photo: Crooze Photography
“Love is the greatest gift when given. It is the highest honor when received.”
- Fawn Weaver
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