56 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Written and compiled by Aaron & April Jacob

We love real marriage advice from real people. And we know you do, too.

Here we have compiled the marriage advice of everyday, ordinary people (who we have interviewed in the past) who are in the thick of their happily ever afters. They have probably been where you are.

If you have ever wanted wisdom and advice from people who are happily married, well then, you are going to love these secrets to a happy marriage. 

Enjoy!
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1. Stick together. Hold each other’s hand and just keep going...And always make time for some love. - Tyson & Danielle Davis

2. Encourage time away. Remember that the little things matter. Balance each other out. Give accolades. Spend time between the sheets. - BJ & Heather Whitley

3. Marriage is like a mosaic with millions of tiny moments that make your love story. It’s this idea of “It’s not done yet. You are adding color by color and piece by piece.” When you stand back and look at it, it’s a portrait of you and your spouse, and every tiny moment matters. Every single one of them...I would also say a huge secret is not to expect a happy marriage. If you expect a happy marriage and you’re not getting it, you’re going to want out. That, by selfish nature, is how we operate. Instead focus on joy - because joy is lasting. It can endure through those hard times. And hope, because hope will get you through that next day, or week, or four years, or whatever you need. - Aaron & Jennifer Smith 

4. Try to understand things from each other’s perspective, and be willing to apologize and recognize your own shortcomings. - Josh & Amber Price

5. Be committed. That is really what you have to be. There will be times when you’ll say, “I’m outta here!” But you have to say, “Well, I guess not.” And just realize that there’s not going to be anything better than what you already have. You’re going to fight, you’re going to have your differences, but you just stick it out. Never give up. - Pat & Gail Atkinson

6. Great sex. - Stephon & Pamela King

7. Our secret is that we have never considered any other option than being married to each other. - Jeff & Rachel Cowley

8. Becoming a union takes time and a lot of effort. ​The secret to a happy marriage is to NEVER give up on each other. - Peter & TyJari Lane

9. Don’t sweat the small stuff...Put each other first. You’re on the same team. - Darryl & Delonda Owens Tucker

10. ...Treat your spouse as the person that they can become, instead of being upset with where they are at right now. - Scott & Renee Allen

11. Love your spouse and you will love yourself. - Colby & Kristina

12. Treat your marriage like a fairy tale, and soon you will realize that it is - your own fairy tale. Be obsessed with your spouse. - Richard & Emily Bean

13. Our culture defines love as an emotion that drives our desire to serve each other. The reality is that love is a choice. Often, that requires us to act in direct opposition to what we may be feeling in that moment...#IChooseLove is our key hashtag because love inside marriage is a choice, not based on what we feel. - Casey & Meygan Caston

14. Putting your spouse’s needs above your own and treating them as the better half that they are. Then if you are both looking at each other as the better half, and taking care of each other’s needs, then both of your needs are met and you are happy. And smile and laugh a lot during that process. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream. - Peter & Jenae Barnes

15. Married couples should be having sex fairly often. For us that’s realistically like once a week, maybe twice a week. And sometimes several times a week. Sex helps us to feel closer as a couple and it helps us to show our love for one another. - Jon & Angela Ellsworth

16. In marriage, it takes two to tango. Each person has to be 100%, fully committed. You can’t meet in the middle. You have to go all the way to their side and they have to come all the way to your side. Easier said than done. It’s a continual struggle to just make sure you’re putting in your all, and you’re doing everything you can to make sure your spouse is happy. Every problem can be solved. Every problem can be solved. - Lorin & Brenda Bird

17. You can’t be selfish. Marriage is a team. You have to both dig in. You’ve got to work on it. There are hard days and there are good days, and it’s a journey. There are highs and lows, and that is all normal and all a part of it, and talking about those things is healthy too. Just love each other. And support one another, and work really, really hard at it, together. - Steve & Michele

18. ...You should always be doing something different [for date night], because novelty sparks the same brain chemistries as when you first fell in love. So, doing new things together will actually spike your dopamine levels (check out this article from the NY Times) and give you the butterflies back in your tummy, and it is really, really, good for your relationship. - Denis & Emma Merkas

19. Don’t be afraid to open your heart fully and love deeply. Our love works because we won’t let it fail, we won’t let it fade. We adamantly work on it together, every day, all day...Put your marriage first - it’s the most important relationship of your life. Enjoy every minute of it and feel blessed to have it. - David & Whitney Perdun-Gilkison

20. The more we both are committed... to becoming better individuals in our own personal lives the more we grow as a couple. We can’t control the actions of our spouse but we can always control how we, personally, act. ​- Brian & Andrea Williams

21. Connection. Heart to heart connection. - Anonymous

22. The secret would be...to try to make your spouse happy.  A lot of good things come from just seeking to make each other happy. - Alex & Rebecca Balinski

23. Be willing to change.  That is huge.  Be willing to say you are sorry, and then work to change, to improve. Self improvement will not only make your marriage better, but it will make your family better, as well. - Will & Samantha Shulca

24. Honesty. For us, happy came when we both committed to do a few small things everyday, forever. Yes, because those few small things that we did facilitated change, represented commitment, and facilitated forgiveness, which are all a seedbed for happiness. - Ashlynn & Coby Mitchell

25. Setting dreams and goals together and trying to accomplish them as a team. The more you work together towards something the more you come together and feel bonded towards something. And keep your spouse as the most important thing in your life. - Mike & Sharolyn Lindsay

26. Always keep the lines of communication open. - Bryan & Holly Braun

27. Being open and realizing that our relationship is our relationship. And how we communicate and how we raise our kids and how we do things is going to look different than everybody else. When we first got married, we read a few books on relationships and different things, and that was all nice, but in the end I felt like, “How we do things needs to work for us.” And that is all that matters. This is our relationship and we have to work it out and we have to make it work for both of us.  Essentially, we are writing our own marriage book. So my advice to readers would be, “Write your own marriage book.” - Jake & Michelle Hinckley

28. You might think that this is kind of silly, but whenever we have a piece of fruit, we cut it in half. We may have two, but we each have half of each of them. There always is one that has a better flavor! And so we each have half. People might think that we are crazy, but it’s what it means. It means we want to share the best. And we always hold hands. - William & Vivian Rogers

29. One thing that I have learned is that creating a happy marriage is a daily choice. It requires you to “show up” for your marriage every day. You cannot expect to have a happy marriage if you do not put in the effort. Marriage requires a daily intention of success in order to flourish. - Tammy Greene

30. Dream big together. Sometimes, on a quiet night when we’re sitting on the couch or just lying in bed, one of us will turn to the other and say, “Tell me all your hopes and dreams.” We’re essentially asking each other, “What is important to you right now? What are you working on? What do you want to achieve? What would make you happy …And how can I help?” It’s a privilege to walk through life with another person, and part of the joy in that journey comes from helping each other reach individual and collective dreams. - Dan & Annie Mangelson

31. Respect, admiration, nurturing, spending time... communication, communication, communication. Never stop communicating! - Robert & Janene Goubert

32. Be best friends. Go to bed at the same time. Remember how your story began. - Joe Anderson & Cherie Call

33. Unity...the mentality of "We’re in this together," is what counts the most. And common hobbies. - Matt & Breezie Bitter

34. ...You have to be willing to fight…not each other, but fight for your marriage. Fight to make it work, fight to keep unhappy and unhealthy things and people out of your marriage, and fight to develop a lasting love for the one that you plan to spend the rest of your life with. - Rob & Marci Hodges

35. Recognize the importance of your spouse in your life. - Jermaine & Kembe Sullivan

36. Marrying the right person at the right time and in the right place has made all the difference in our happy marriage. Spending time dwelling on what we love about our spouse, instead of what we don’t, allows us to keep everything in perspective. - John & Cheri Carr

37. Good food, sex, and travel. Make your marriage your top priority. - Steven & Elizabeth Cramer

38. Don't keep count. Go on dates. Be proactive. Show gratitude. - Jason & Andrea Richardson

39. Remember that no matter what, you’re working together as a team. Your spouse is not the enemy. When conflict comes, take it on together. Make your spouse’s happiness your top priority. Forgive easily and often. Remember that love is manifest in sacrifices, often of convenience and comfort, but also remember that the dividends are deeply satisfying and can’t be obtained without that sacrifice. Make the choice to love your spouse in spite of their flaws and defects. - Ben & Meridith Crowder

40. Every single day, marriage is a choice to get up and say, “Yes, I do,” and “I want to be with you.” It’s being on the same team, always, and celebrating each other. It’s checking your expectations at the door. Just knowing that you’re building your life together, and that what you thought marriage was supposed to be doesn’t have to be that way. You can build it however you want it to be. Never let divorce be an option or a word in your vocabulary. And finally, surround yourself with other amazing couples who are great examples of marriage. - Ryan & Liz Bower

41. One of the wonderful things about blended families is that they challenge you to be a better person. You have to be humble, patient, long-suffering, gentle, all of those good things. If you’re going to be successful at blended families, you’re forced to be that way. And so you can look at the experience as a growing experience - even though it’s difficult and even though it’s not comfortable. Blending families is never comfortable. It is if you stick with it. It is worth it... I always say, T.T.T. = Things Take Time. And life is hard, but you can do hard things. When life doesn’t go as planned, don’t get frustrated, make the best of it. That’s what you’ve got to do when you’re blending families. - E. Jeffrey Hill

42. Work hard and play hard. Love and respect each other.  And make sure to say, “I love you,” a lot. - Matt & Jenny (Oaks) Baker

43. Allow the way you treat your spouse to build your confidence in yourself as a good person. Put love first. Always.  ​- Russ & Nicole Koch

44. The ability to say you’re sorry quickly can help mend any strife or conflict. Oh, and just be happy. - Bubba & Jordan Page

45. We have to say it again because it’s true - be each others' first therapist, first sounding board, and first confidant! That’s worked wonders for us. We feel close and safe and, well, in love because we are each others' “firsts.” And laugh. A lot. - Ryan & Jeni Awerkamp

46. Always forgive, because no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes, but there is no reason to dwell on what you can't change when you can just forgive, move on, and learn from it together...Have lots and lots of SEX! - Thomas & Tabitha Mitsueda

47. Even when you may not have the energy to have sex, find time. You’ll both be glad you did. - Kerry & Bri Lofton

48. Not getting divorced! Unselfishness is pretty much the key. And going into marriage with the idea that it’s ideally forever. - Jerry & Carol Ann Lybbert

49. Our secret is to love each other. It’s a trite saying and some would say a cliché, but in reality that’s what it is for us. - Kim & George Knollmeyer

50. ...Marriage is not a destination, it's constant work. We can never get to a place where we think our love is maxed out, or that we know each other perfectly. Love is doing. We must continually pursue one another, and set boundaries, goals, and dreams together. - Emerald & Melissa George

51. Care about your spouse more than you care about yourself, and show it in word, deed, and action. - Walker & Kerry Johanson

52. Having regular date nights...Many couples often neglect the things it took to “woo” their spouse, like dating, because they are too busy with this and that. We believe every spouse needs that one-on-one time, because it strengthens your marriage and strengthens your friendship. - Andre & Kamila Scott

53. Lots of pizza. Lots of pizza and ice cream. Ice cream fixes conflicts. When we were married, we were given great advice - to think of our spouse first and not about ourselves. Unity is essential. There has to be unity in purpose, actions, planning - in everything. Unity is essential to a happy marriage. - David & Sucely Falabella

54. Dates, communication, and trying to care for your spouse more than yourself. - Jared & Erica Ward
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55. Communicate. And keep things light. Don’t take life so seriously. Don’t take yourself so seriously. The marriage is serious, of course it is, but the big stuff - don’t overthink it. If you can joke about your own weaknesses, and your own mistakes and your own idiosyncrasies, and outsmart your weaknesses - then you can work together to enhance your strengths, through laughter - and I feel like the longevity will be there. It’s not even magic. I don’t think there is some secret gigantic formula. Talk it out, laugh it out, don’t take yourself seriously and you know... a foot massage is nice too.​ - Aaron & Bev Weidner

56. Don’t put too much pressure on your spouse to be perfect. We all mess up. Don’t try to change them. Just love them for who they are. Encourage them to be the person that they want to be. And more than anything, be their best friend. - Heath & Alyssa Padgett

​Photo Credit: ​Crooze Photography

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You may also enjoy 3 Important Things to Remember About Forgiveness in Marriage and An Interview with Ashlynn & Coby Mitchell