Years Married: 3 months
Location: Riverside, CA
Kids? No kids yet! Husby says we MUST wait a year! I (Tab) wouldn't mind a baby right now.
Occupations: Thomas is a hardworking hardwood floor man & Tabitha does marketing for a Chiropractic company!
Hobbies/Interests: Exploring and having adventures. Our favorite thing in the world to do is to drive around to insanely gorgeous neighborhoods, we know could never afford, and dream about what life would be like if we could, and how we can someday make it into homes like those that we gawk at! We love the beach! And DISNEYLAND! We love getting away from home! To Orange County or LA even if it's to eat at a restaurant close to home, it's fun to be in a different environment together! We love to see all of the different areas of Southern California! It's our cheap thrill!
Favorite flavor of ice cream or frozen yogurt? Thomas- Ice cream! = coffee! Tabitha- FRo-Yo! = plain tart with Oreo cookies!
Find them on Instagram: Thomas - @_tmit; Tab - @mrsmitsueda_
We are so thankful to be able to participate in this interview and we are truly blessed that we were nominated! We hope our words will inspire others - young married couples, or maybe even older married couples as well! We love being married and are so passionate about our beliefs as a married couple. We hope these words touch other people's hearts, and maybe help out marriages in need!
Q. How do you handle little disagreements that come up? And how does working through those things nurture your marriage?
Obviously, in marriage, there are A LOT of "little disagreements," that come up, but we've learned that you must pick your battles! Before you get upset, ask yourself "Is it really worth it to get mad over this toothpaste on the shower wall?" or "Can I just clean this up and move on?" Obviously, the right choice would be to clean the toothpaste, right? However, some days it's just not that easy!
When we start to have thoughts such as, "Is this going to hurt Thomas' feelings?" Or "Does Tab really need to know that I don't think she should have the 'gotta have it,' size at Cold Stone?" we always remember, and remind each other of, our vows and how we are to love and respect each other, the way the Lord loves us!
"In sickness in health," and "Rich or poor," and "Always and forever." Remembering our vows helps us to get past the silly arguments, and to be able to laugh at ourselves. Arguments in our marriage nurture the relationship in so many ways. They help build patience between the two of us, as well as build a stronger and stronger bond between us as we work through each fight. The way we work through arguments is proving to us that we can do this as husband and wife, and that we will make it. No matter how big or how small a fight, we always make sure to remember that it's worth it to work through it. Working through fights helps us individually to be more selfless and put the other person first by thinking before we speak, as well as making us stronger as a couple.
Q. Who takes care of what as far as the house, car, yard, bills, etc?
Hmm... Let's see... So, this is an area of our marriage that I really thought we would struggle with. However, it turns out that it is actually is a lot different then I expected. As Thomas and I were engaged, and I would dream of our own place together as newlyweds, I always expected to be the wife to cook and clean and plant the garden, organize the bills, wash the car, etc. But, since we got married I learned that it's definitely not always as it seems and it doesn't have to be done just like my mom and dad did it.
To answer your question, BOTH OF US! We don't have a system or have it all organized yet, but it's as simple as this... If the house is dirty, I (Tab, Wife) will clean it. I will pick up the mess. Straighten up and make sure it smells good. However, I really struggle with finding time do to laundry (plus I've always hated doing it), so I will try and put it off. Obviously Thomas and I don't have 365 pairs of underwear, so when Thomas notices that I am slacking in the laundry department he really picks up my slack in that area and helps me (and surprisingly, he's happy to do it!).
As far as the car, the yard, and the bills - it really is both of us. When the car payment is due, I remind Thomas and he'll pay it. When the cable bill is due, Thomas will remind me and I'll pay it... so it kind of just works both ways. And as far as washing the car, we are both pretty OCD when it comes to having a clean car, so we just make sure to clean up after ourselves, and whenever we fill up for gas we usually just run it through the $5 car wash.
The responsibilities haven't really been divided up between us yet, we both just help each other out.. But there are some things that are my "chores," and some that are his. Thomas takes out the trash and I make sure the house is picked up and smells good. But as far as putting a name to a specific task we really just do what needs to be done when we see a need.
Q. What does healthy communication in marriage look like to you?
We agree that being straight up and not beating around the bush is the most important and healthy way of communicating. If Thomas asks if I want ice cream and I say, "No, thanks," he won't know I want it. Or if he asks if I want to play mini golf for a date and I say, "I don't know," he won't know if I really want to or not! I have had to learn this the hard way.
It's so important to just say what you mean, mean what you say, and get straight to the point so no one is left confused about what the other person wants. Also, LISTENING LISTENING, LISTENING! When I am angry, or happy, or sad, or just need to vent and Thomas listens to me and nods in acknowledgement, or tells me "I understand why you feel this way," it really makes me feel special and makes me feel loved. I know my words aren't just going in one ear and out the other, or that he's thinking about video games as I ramble, because he assures me that he cares about what I'm saying, and then he shows me that he remembered what I said.
Q. Why is it so important to keep dating after marriage?
We were married young. We are 20 & 21 years old and most other people our age are still out and about, exploring the world and being pursued by others. It's very easy to listen to our friends talk about "the chase," or talk about how the person they're dating did this or did that, or hear how they got butterflies from this person saying this cute thing. It's easy to get jealous of that, after being married and "settled," with each other. However, instead of being jealous, we communicate and decide, "Why be jealous when we can still give each other butterflies, and still pretend it's our first date?"
Q. What has been your favorite date you have been on together?
Tab's first visit to Disneyland... EVER! I loved watching her light up and get as excited as all the five-year-olds when she saw the Disney princesses; or seeing her face after the Tower of Terror. I always love being around Tab and her positive energy, but there was something special about the way she lit up on her first visit to Disneyland.
My most favorite date is a very simple one. Right when we got married, Thomas and I were both just sitting in our empty master bedroom, twiddling our thumbs, thinking about what to do. Then my spontaneous husband jumped up and said, "I have an idea." Then he picked me up and said, "We're going to go get lost!" (When we were dating we used to do this often...it simply means we get in the car and just drive with no destination. Then we just get to be together until we are way too tired and need to go home!) It was almost midnight and I had know idea what he was talking about. I remember telling him, "Thomas! It's midnight! We can't go get lost." He obviously, and thankfully, didn't take "No," for an answer. So, we got dressed in cozy clothes, got in the car, and drove for about an hour and a half - all while singing loudly to our favorite songs, talking about our dreams and what we want to accomplish in life together, and then getting Oreo shakes at Jack-In-The-Box, on top of the Ortega highway overlooking Corona and Lake Elsinore. We didn't get home until 2am, and we felt like we were sneaking upstairs, as if we missed curfew! Then we went inside our empty master bedroom and took advantage of all of our open space and well ...you know, did "married people things."
Q. You are still married. What is your secret to a happy marriage?
1.) Keep God FIRST! Remember that as married couples, we are ONE in Christ and we are to love each other like the Lord loves us. Keeping God as number one in your marriage is so important!
2.) Communicate! And if you don't know how... LEARN how. Communication is key. If you simply cannot communicate, getting help or seeing a counselor together is such a beautiful and strengthening exercise.
3.) Forgiveness is more important than you think. Always forgive, because no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes, but there is no reason to dwell on what you can't change when you can just forgive, move on, and learn from it together. Never hold a grudge or bring up the past. Treat each other as you would like to be treated. Always sacrifice for each other and take turns making each other happy. ALWAYS Remember it's better to be happy than to be right. Remember to say good things about each other, behind each other's backs, and to even brag about your husby or wife in front of people. It will make your spouse feel important and loved!
4.) Have lots and lots of SEX! Be sexy for your husband and make him feel sexy. Flirt ALL DAY, and remember to laugh during sex - it lightens the mood and takes a lot of the unnecessary pressure off. Make everything fun. Always say "I love you." Leave no good deed un-appreciated. Never stop being your husband's girlfriend or your wife's boyfriend. Never stop pursuing each other, dating each other, and making each other feel beautiful, handsome, or sexy.
"There is properly no history; only biography."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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