Apologies are not about asking for something, but about giving something. Written by Crystal Bradshaw, LPC, NCC, Gottman 7 Principles Trainer www.SynergyCounselingInnovations.com When you need to make an apology, there are several things to keep in mind. According to clinical psychologist, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., there are 9 essential ingredients to an apology. 1. A true apology doesn't include the word "but." When you say "I'm sorry," and then follow your apology with the word "but," anything that comes after is an excuse, justification, or a criticism of the hurt party. Even if what you have to say is true, your intention is to give an apology. By using the word "but" you are giving a false apology. "But" nullifies your apology. Examples of a bad apology:
READ: HOW TO CREATE BEDTIME RITUALS THAT WILL NURTURE YOUR MARRIAGE 2. A true apology keeps the focus on your actions and not the other person's response to your actions. "I'm sorry you were offended by the joke." There is no accountability in this apology. What you are saying here is you are sorry they were offended. People have the right to be offended, so don't apologize for that. Apologize for offending someone. You need to focus on how your words were offensive. An accountable apology would sound like this: "I'm sorry for the offensive things I said. That was out of line and unnecessary." Apologize for what you say and do. Don't apologize for the other person's feelings about what you say or do. 3. A good apology includes an offer of reparation or restitution that fits the situation. A simple example: you spill juice on your friend's area rug. You offer to pay the dry cleaning bill or to replace the rug. 4. A real apology does not overdo. There are two kinds of over apologizing. One is where you over apologize for simple things like, sitting in someone's chair or for talking a lot. Example: "I'm sorry. Did you want to sit here?" or "I've been talking non-stop. I'm so sorry." Or apologizing for being upset. This form of apology interrupts the flow of a conversation and it's rather irritating to others. Another example is over apologizing for failing to return a dish to a friend in a timely fashion. Don't apologize as if you ran over a pet. In other words, don't overdo it. Another form of over apologizing is when someone hijack's your pain. For example: You get the courage to confront someone for something they did that was hurtful to you and they respond with something like: "Oh my goodness, I'm such a horrible person," and they start to cry. Of course, if you confront someone who has hurt you and they want to show you that they carry some of that pain you have, that's great, but if they overdo it then they are taking your pain and your story and making it about them and then you are left taking care of them. 5. A true apology doesn't get caught up in who's more to blame or who started it. You apologize for your part of it, no matter how big or how small, even if the other person is unable to see their role in it. And if you're waiting for the other person to apologize first, know that you are hurting your relationship. By waiting on the other person to make the first move you are inviting resentment. Put your ego and pride aside and own your piece of what happened. Apologize for the part you can agree with even if it's only a tiny part. The challenge is to be your best self no matter how the other person is acting. READ: TWO WORDS THAT WILL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE 6. A true apology requires that you do your best to avoid a repeat performance. This is when you apologize and follow your apology by saying something like: "I will be more mindful in the future about my tendency to get defensive when you come to me with something that's bothering you." 7. A true apology should not serve to silence another person. In this way "I'm sorry" is used to shut a conversation down. It's not a sincere apology. It's being said because the person doesn't want to listen to what you have to say or doesn't want to talk about an issue. Another way an apology is used to end a conversation might sound like this:
Here's a tip: If an issue keeps resurfacing in the relationship, it's not resolved. 8. A true apology should not be offered to make you feel better if it risks making the hurt party feel worse. Apologies aren't always welcomed. For example, a family member, former friend, or an ex-partner may not want to see you again after the hurt you have caused. If someone doesn't want to see or hear from you, you need to respect that even if it causes you anxiety. This includes not apologizing and explaining yourself if the other person doesn't want to hear it. It's not an apology if you're doing it to lower your own anxiety, guilt, and shame while upsetting the other person. 9. A true apology does not ask the hurt party to do anything, not even to forgive. An apology is not a negotiation tactic that is to be used to get something in return, like forgiveness. The true apology doesn't ask for anything in return. A true apology is doing the right thing. Apologies are not about asking for something, but about giving something. The intention for your apology is to alleviate any pain you have caused. Forgiveness should not be what's motivating you to apologize. You apologize whether forgiveness is given or not. If you are seeking to be forgiven when you give an apology, you aren't seeking to do the right thing but rather to be absolved of guilt and shame. So, disconnect forgiveness from apology. An apology de-intensifies a situation and can help people move forward, but simply saying the words "I'm sorry" is not enough to mend a broken connection. If you want your words to help heal the damage done, the words must be meaningful. The motivation must be to acknowledge someone else's hurt. There must be changed behavior that proceeds an apology. When faced with your next difficult moment in your relationship, ask yourself what's more important, your ego, pride, and sense of being right, or your relationship? Decide today to apologize to your spouse the next time something comes between the two of you, and see how these 9 tips help you improve your apologies, draw closer to your spouse, and feel more connected and unified going forward. You may also enjoy 3 Tips for When You Have Marriage Problems and What is Your Apology Language?
35 Comments
Bella George
12/1/2020 07:09:22 am
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108
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Laura Davy
4/19/2021 11:07:54 pm
LOVE SPELL CASTER (DR. JUMBA) THAT HELPED ME BRING BACK MY DIVORCE HUSBAND CONTACT HIM NOW FOR ANY KIND OF HELP
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Ashly Jimi
5/15/2021 10:41:58 am
I will forever be indebted to the great Doctor Jumba for fixing my broken marriage after my husband left me for his mistress for 6 months. I never believed in spells until my friend introduced me to him. At first, I was skeptical about him because I heard a lot about false spell casters but I put my doubts behind me for I was desperate to get my husband back and I did according to what he instructed me to do. Now my husband is back just within 48 hours of contacting him. I'm living happily with my husband again after 6 months of divorce and I will not rest till he's known all over the world. He also specialize in money spells, lottery spells, sickness spells E.T.C. Get connected with Doctor Jumba now, his email is [email protected] or WhatsApp on +19085174108 Or His Website: https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/
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jasmine robert
7/3/2021 07:00:42 am
Thank you Dr Jumba for your genuine spells. This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Before I came in contact with Dr Jumba, I have tried every possible means that I could to get my husband back, but I actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and my husband had developed a lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope of reuniting with my husband until my friend told me about dr jumba and she gave me dr jumba website i googled it and read good reviews about Dr Jumba work , I decided to give it a try and I did everything that he instructed me and I trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he had guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me and ask for forgiveness that he his on his way to my house .. We are good more than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much for your authentic and indisputable spells. Thank you Dr Jumba for your help. If you need help in your marriage or broken relationship, contact Dr Jumba right now for urgent help Email: [email protected] OR [email protected] View his website https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/ Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108
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Maxwell Oliver
6/2/2022 03:48:03 am
Earlier this year, I had a terrible fight with my husband and he had no choice but to leave the house and i thought he was just anger that made him left. After few days, i couldn't contact him or get to know where he was. I waited and waited but he never returned or called me. I was filled with pains and remorse over what happened. I tried all i could to get him back but to no avail until i contacted DR JOHN SOCO who came to my rescue. He did his work perfectly to reunite us and my husband called and return back home exactly after 48 hours just as he promised. DR JOHN SOCO. is so real and he never fails. contact him if you need any help. email:[email protected] or text him via , Whatsapp/Call +1 (803) 820-2671 ..
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SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 04:55:35 pm
Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: [email protected] copy and message on the following ( [email protected] ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341
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Brookly Fab
7/26/2022 02:17:41 am
i am super excited this very moment indeed Dr Dominion is truly a good man, i doubted him from the beginning but right now i can trust him with my all because he has put a beautiful smile on my face and change my life from struggle to millionaire, what would i have done without him, just few months ago i was struggling wondering what would my life turn into, now i am here sharing a wonderful testimony of my life, after i explained my whole situation to him he took me as his own daughter and removed my family from shame, he prepared a lottery winning spell for me with true sincerity and gave me a winning number to play and that was how i won that jackpot, Dr Dominion took away my shame, my pain and my worries, what a humble man with a heart of gold, thank you so much i am very grateful for what you have done for me, should you have any interest in giving it a try or going through any difficulties i think he is the right man to talk to and i believe he can help you as well.
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8/28/2022 10:39:52 pm
Hello everyone, I want to use this medium to thank a great spell caster called Dr Graceondu for transforming my life financially, i have been playing lottery game for long but have never won any reasonable amount, I contacted Dr Graceondu after i red about him on the internet on how he help a lady with a lottery winning numbers and the lady won a very big amount of money, so i contacted him and He instructed me on what to do which i did and he told me to give him some time to pray, on the second day he sent me some numbers and he said i should go and play them, so i went to play the numbers he gave me, after two day the result came out, and i went to check and to my greatest surprise my name came out as one of the winners i won $45 million, i still cant believe what happened to me that i am now a millionaire over night, i just want to say a very big thank you to Dr Graceondu i have never seen a powerful man like him, I will advice everyone out there to contact Dr Graceondu if you want to win big in your lottery game.
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Roxana Lovera
10/20/2022 11:52:54 am
With so much gratitude in my heart I am here to express myself on how Dr Isikolo saved my marriage from divorce. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extent my husband was seeking a divorce. So I have no option other than to go to the internet to seek for solution to my problem. It was there I came across Dr Isikolo details and how so many people were writting good things about him and his wonderful works for them and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring their relationship. I contacted Dr Isikolo and he told me everything I needed to do and in less than two days my husband cancelled the divorce papers. I had no choice than to comply and it was done. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr Isikolo for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr Isikolo contact information are via email: [email protected] or you can also text him via WhatsApp on +2348133261196.
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Claudia Dirk
11/10/2022 10:56:59 am
DR ISIKOLO is none to be compared in regards to giving solutions to your relationship or marital problems. My name is Claudia Dirk. I have been battling with depression for a very long time knowing and its as a result of heartbreak when my boyfriend left me for another lady. I never knew he took the decision to be gone from me until months passed and I was unable to reach him. I had to contact DR ISIKOLO when I heard about him. He told me all that was needed to be done to restore the love and connections between me and my man which he did. The result started manifesting after two days as he promised. This may sound weird but it is 100% true that he does not fail anyone. Worry no more and contact him now. email: [email protected] or text him via WhatsApp +2348133261196.
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KARLA
2/23/2023 10:02:16 pm
I URGENTLY WANT MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER +16692213962I am so happy to share this fantastic testimony of mine. My life has changed round completely in 48hours. I can see myself in the mirror and smile. I have confidence in myself and my abilities for the first time in ages. I have my boyfriend back in my life with the help of Dr Oniha. He said sorry 24 hours after the spell was created. He said he realised that he never really wanted to break up and he could not handle emotional baggage I was carrying around all the time. He said that he thought he was the negative influence on my life and thought it best to leave. He said it was hard that I kept talking about the past all the time. We have both forgiven each other. I have money in my pocket that is my own at last. (My compensation cheque came through. I was told it was months away. I am living proof of what Dr Oniha can do. I thank you so much Dr Oniha for the wonderful thing you did in my relationship. I am so happy now. With your help we were both able to see and speak the truth to each other. I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr Oniha.
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Marie Levi
4/5/2023 05:33:53 am
A big thanks from Marie Levi to DR ISIKOLO for helping me to restore my broken home. Inconsistency has been the order of the day in my home and marriage. My husband has had a hell of a problem and torn on my flesh ever since we started having too many misunderstandings. Some days, he just left and never returned until its past weeks. I was devastated and tried all I could to fix the problems but didn't succeed. I had to search out for help and I was directed by a friend to contact DR ISIKOLO which I did. I never knew it would be possible because the problems had lingered for two whole years. DR ISIKOLO assured me and only told me to trust him and believe in having my desires granted. He fixed my marriage with his powerful love reunion bond and my home is great again and my husband is with me never to leave anymore. Contact him too and believe he can help you because he has no bad records. Just text him via WhatsApp +2348133261196 or email him via: [email protected] or review his website (https://isikolotemple.com)
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Vanessa Edwards
4/19/2023 11:45:10 am
My name is Vanessa Edwards from Asburn USA. I never knew people could be so kind, selfless and amazing until DR ISIKOLO helped me with my marriage problems. My union with my husband was not up to a year when we started having problems. It was so frequent that i fell into depression and kept struggling with it and same time, my husband left me and vowed never to return. I didn't know what to do with my life at that point in time. I had to keep searching for help until DR ISIKOLO came to my rescue. After he made due consultations, it was clear to me that my husband's ex lover kept manipulating him so she can have him back. I was told what to do by DR ISIKOLO and with all assurance, i must get the result after 2 days which i complied and he helped me and the result was so amazing. Now my husband is back to me and we are conceiving our first child in warmth and happiness. if you have similar or love problems, Just text him via Viber/WhatsApp +2348133261196 or email him via: [email protected] or visit his website to read more about him and his works (https://isikolotemple.com)
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Kim Grayson
5/17/2023 12:00:02 pm
MY BOYFRIEND GOT BACK TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR ISIKOLO AND I AM TRULY OVERWHELMED
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Nicolette Elliot
5/23/2023 12:18:15 pm
Hi everyone. My name is Nicolette Elliot I am here to thank great Dr Isikolo for fixing my marital problems. My marriage crashed due to unending problems and difficulties I had with my husband. He left without looking back and I was alone for so many months. His family intervened and still nothing changed. I was wrecked emotionally and lost hope in finding love again because he was everything in a man I ever wanted. Just like so many people, I got to know about DR ISIKOLO when I started searching for help. We discussed my problems at length and he assured me of getting the solution I needed. I had no choice than to comply with his procedures and he didn't delay anything. He did a love reunion bond for me and my husband and the love and happiness we shared was restored and he reached me exactly after 48 hours as DR ISIKOLO promised. He is indeed a wonderful helper and he is trustworthy. if you have any problems, just text him via WhatsApp +2348133261196 or email him via: [email protected] or review his website (https://isikolotemple.com)
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Edna Brewster
6/6/2023 12:42:06 pm
Review more and contact Dr Isikolo for love problems (https://isikolotemple.com)
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priscilla
8/4/2023 04:06:30 pm
I want to give a big thanks to a great spell caster popularly known as DR Jumba for the great spiritual prayers he did to restore my broken relationship by bringing back my ex-lover back to me after many months of breakup and loneliness. With this, I am convinced that Dr Jumba is a Godsent to this word to rescue people from heartbreaks and also to help us get the solution to every relationship problem. for those of you out there who have one relationship problem or the other why not contact. contact him he his specialize in Problem Solution :-》《Love Problem 》《Business Problem》《Divorce Problem》《Carrier Problem》《Abroad Settlement Problem》《Green Card Problem》《Childless Problem》《Black Magic Removal Specialist》《Husband and wife Disturbance》《Get Love Back by Special worship》《Enemy Problem》《Family Problem》Etc. [email protected] or text him on WhatsApp messenger: +27 72 395 5865
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Klayton Menter
8/30/2023 06:53:14 am
I just want to say a big thanks to Dr Edetanlen for what he has done for me, i contacted him at the point of my needs and he came through for me, he said he was gonna help me and he did, i played lottery for 20 years and couldn't win a dime, at a point i was disappointed and almost gave up, but then another thought came to my mind why don't i try a lotto spell since i have already heard about people doing it, and then i decided that i will give it a try, but there was a lot of spell casters online this got me confused that i didn't know which to pick, i decided to follow my instinct and i picked Dr Edetanlen i sent him an email and waited for couple of hours no reply, at this point i was already anxious and eager to get a reply from him and then i sent him a test on his WhatsApp and immediately he responded i told him what i wanted and he gave me assurance that i must win after his spell, i did what was asked of me, behold i hit the jackpot. i am so so happy to share this here because i have never seen a miracle like this before, thank you so much Dr Edetanlen you are a life saver. You can talk to him if you need his assistance too, that is why he said i should testify about his good work so people in need can reach out to him.Email: [email protected] or WhatsApp: +2349153512788
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Klayton Menter
10/23/2023 06:13:45 pm
I just want to say a big thanks to Dr Edetanlen for what he has done for me, I contacted him at the point of my needs and he came through for me, he said he was gonna help me and he did, I played lottery for 20 years and couldn't win a dime, at a point I was disappointed and almost gave up, but then another thought came to my mind why don't I try a lotto spell since I have already heard about people doing it, and then I decided that I will give it a try, but there was a lot of spell casters online this got me confused that I didn't know which to pick, I decided to follow my instinct and I picked Dr Edetanlen I sent him an email and waited for couple of hours no reply, at this point I was already anxious and eager to get a reply from him and then I sent him a test on his WhatsApp and immediately he responded I told him what I wanted and he gave me assurance that I must win after his spell, I did what was asked of me, behold I hit the jackpot. I am so happy to share this here because I have never seen a miracle like this before, thank you so much Dr Edetanlen you are a lifesaver. You can talk to him if you need his assistance too, that is why he said I should testify about his good work so people in need can reach out to him.Email:[email protected] or WhatsApp:+2349153512788 also visit facebook page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092647912835
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He Kissed Me Like I Was His Sister, and I Knew I Was Alone Again.
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martimarisa
11/27/2023 01:46:32 am
I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr ozalogbo He helped me recently to reunite my relationship with my husband who left me, When i contacted Dr ozalogbo he cast a love spell for me, and my husband who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me to come back. he is back now with so much love and care. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers to restore broken relationship back. because i am now happy with my husband. To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help, Dr ozalogbo can also offer any type of help like, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot's more. You can contact him Via his email [email protected] call or add him on whatsapp with his phone number +2348162562991,his Facebook page;https://www.facebook.com/Drozalogbo/
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Vivian Marcus
11/29/2023 09:02:06 am
Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i'm so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you're having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: [email protected] his Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site
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Kimberly Williams
12/13/2023 11:18:03 am
THE POSSIBILITY OF GETTING YOUR EX PARTNER BACK IS GUARANTEED WITH DR ISIKOLO. CONTACT HIM NOW
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Moma garage
12/22/2023 12:06:37 pm
God bless Dr Akhigbe for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of Herpes Virus since over a month now and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied i needed to get the Herpes virus out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for Herpes i saw a comment about Dr Akhigbe, how he cured Herpes with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 7 days later i was cured from Herpes ,thank you for anyone that may need the medication you can contact him for your urgent cure [email protected] or Whats App +2349021374574.
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Rachael Mildred
1/22/2024 09:11:04 am
EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS.
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Kim Grayson
2/5/2024 11:17:15 am
MY BOYFRIEND GOT BACK TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR ISIKOLO AND I AM TRULY OVERWHELMED
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Andrew Beckett
2/16/2024 11:35:45 am
I and my wife had a misunderstanding which led to a huge fight and she left home and returned back to her fathers house. I let my emotions got the best of me and stayed permanently away from her. Things grew worse when she started seeing another man and I never knew about it. I tried fixing the problem and getting her to return back home and she never came back. I later found out all that has been going on and decided to seek help to fix my marriage with her which made me contact Dr Isikolo. Just as expected he worked for me and the problem was fixed and I am reunited with my wife. She returned back home just after 48 hours as promised by Dr Isikolo. I am forever indebted to him for fixing the problem I had in my marriage. kindly contact him for fast and urgent Help, email him: [email protected] or WhatsApp him on: +2348133261196
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Vera Peter
3/13/2024 01:25:46 pm
i want to share my amazing experience with Dr Jumba my husband was cheating on me and when i found out we had a fight which lead to him filling for a divorce i cried and fell sick when i was searching about love quotes online i saw people talking about him and his great work whose case was similar to mine they left his contact info i contacted him and he told me not to worry that after 24hrs he will cancel the divorce and be back to me after i did everything he asked me to do to my greatest surprise the next day evening it was my husband, he knelt down begging me to accept him back,thank you once again Dr Jumba you are indeed a blessing to me he can also help you contact
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james belich
3/19/2024 10:20:01 am
Winning the lottery was part of my dreams, I tried so hard to win big but all to no avail, until I came across Dr Lucas online who made my dreams come through and made me win 10 million dollars. I was a logistics manager who lives in Lancaster, S.C. and works about an hour's drive away, in Charlotte, N.C., I stopped at a store to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket during my lunch break, because Dr Lucas gave me all the assurance that the numbers are not going to fail after I did all he asked me to do. Dr lucas is a powerful Dr that is on a mission to eradicate poverty from people's lives and i have confirmed that by winning $10 million with the numbers he provided for me, it is my promise to tell the world about my experience with Dr Lucas and that's what I'm doing now, you can win the lottery fast with the help of Dr Lucas he is tested and trusted Email: [email protected] or WhatsApp +234 904 794 3567 he will help you
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Agata Winston
9/3/2024 12:56:46 pm
My husband had the habit of always texting and fixing dates with his old friends including his exes. I never thought there was a problem with such until he became emotionally withdrawn from me and started acting abnormal towards me and my daughter. At this point I knew I needed help urgently because I never wanted to loose him. Dr Isikolo came to my rescue and the problem was fixed. One my husband’s ex vowed to ensure she takes him from him and started manipulating him to abandon me and my daughter which would have eventually happened if Dr Isikolo didn’t stepped in to help me. Just after 48 hours after fixing the problem, everything became amazing between me and my husband and now he has apologized for everything and we are good again. Contact Dr Isikolo and believe he will surely fix that problem for you. review his webpage (https://isikolo-temple.com) or WhatsApp him on +2348133261196
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Arlene Brown
9/17/2024 12:57:44 pm
It gladdens my heart to be out here to say a word of thank you to Dr Isikolo.
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10/31/2024 08:25:32 am
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