NURTURING MARRIAGE®
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group

Why Your Partner Should Be Your Role Model

12/31/2015

1 Comment

 
Why Your Partner Should Be Your Role Model - Do you look to your partner as a role model? Over my thirteen years of marriage I have consistently found myself thinking about ways that my wife is a better person than I am. This has motivated me to become a better person, not only as a spouse, but in general. But does this type of thinking actually help most relationships? Absolutely, and here’s why. The scientific word we use for the phenomenon of looking up to our romantic partner as a role model is called idealistic distortion. That sounds negative but it highlights that many of us have an overly positive view of our romantic partner that is slightly distorted from reality. But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. In fact, research has found that this type of thinking can have both positive and negative effects on relationships. Here’s how to make sure it has a positive impact on your own relationship:
Written by Dr. Willoughby at The Relate Institute
Do you look to your partner as a role model? Over my thirteen years of marriage I have consistently found myself thinking about ways that my wife is a better person than I am.  This has motivated me to become a better person, not only as a spouse, but in general.  But does this type of thinking actually help most relationships?

Absolutely, and here’s why.

The scientific word we use for the phenomenon of looking up to our romantic partner as a role model is called idealistic distortion.  That sounds negative but it highlights that many of us have an overly positive view of our romantic partner that is slightly distorted from reality.  But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad.  In fact, research has found that this type of thinking can have both positive and negative effects on relationships.  Here’s how to make sure it has a positive impact on your own relationship:

1. Let It Motivate You

It’s one thing to look up to your partner but what really helps relationships is when such thinking motivates us to be better.  This is not the same as feeling guilty because we don’t feel worthy of our partner’s attention or love. Again, think of the role models you had growing up.  You wanted to be like them and act like them. They made you a better human being and you’re probably where you are today, in part, because of them.  Your partner should be the same way.  When our partners motivate us to change for the better, our relationships are often healthier and happier.
Why Your Partner Should Be Your Role Model - Do you look to your partner as a role model? Over my thirteen years of marriage I have consistently found myself thinking about ways that my wife is a better person than I am. This has motivated me to become a better person, not only as a spouse, but in general. But does this type of thinking actually help most relationships? Absolutely, and here’s why. The scientific word we use for the phenomenon of looking up to our romantic partner as a role model is called idealistic distortion. That sounds negative but it highlights that many of us have an overly positive view of our romantic partner that is slightly distorted from reality. But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. In fact, research has found that this type of thinking can have both positive and negative effects on relationships. Here’s how to make sure it has a positive impact on your own relationship:
2. Let the Positive Overshadow the Negative

Another positive benefit of thinking about your partner as your role model is that it helps us avoid fixating on the negative things about our partner we don’t like.  Every spouse or dating partner you have ever had (or will have) will have things about them that you don’t like.  This is simply a fact of all relationships.  But if we’re focused on what we like or admire about our partners, we’re less likely to let these little things create tension, frustration, or negative feelings in the relationship.

3. Idealizing is NOT Idol Worship

Thinking positively about our partner can have negative effects if we take such thinking to the extreme and believe our partner can do no wrong.  This has two negative effects.  First, we may develop unrealistic expectations of our “perfect” partner that they will never live up to.  Second, such thinking may keep us in a relationship that has become abusive or otherwise extremely unhealthy (in fact, this type of thinking is common in abusive relationships). While it’s great to think about your spouse in a positive light, realize that they are still fallible because they are human.

When kept to healthy limits, looking up to your romantic partner can have a strengthening effect on any relationship.  What strengths do you admire in your partner?  Comment below and let the world know.
​
**To find out where your own relationship strengths lie, take the RELATE assessment today!**
Photo Credit: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels

You may also enjoy5 Simple Ways to Make Sure Money Doesn't Cause Your Divorce and 52 Best Dates for New Parents
1 Comment
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 01:18:04 pm

Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: emutemple@gmail.com copy and message on the following ( emutemple@gmail.com ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    The Little Things

    Instagram

    RSS Feed

    “Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.”
    -Jennifer Smith
    Picture

    You Know You Want to Read

    • 15 Tricks to Help You Learn How to Talk to Your Spouse Again
    • 3 Reasons You & Your Spouse Need a Bucket List
    • How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship
    • 17 Gestures That Make Men Feel Loved
    • Why You Should Still Ask Your Spouse Out on Dates
    • Foreplay Isn't Always What You Think
    • 3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner
    • 5 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws Who Feel Like Out-Laws

    Everybody Loves These

    • Doing Things Your Lover Loves Because You Love Your Lover
    • 40 Fabulous Spring Date Ideas
    • 4 Tips to Creating the Marriage You Want
    • What is Your Apology Language?
    • How to Create Bedtime Rituals That Will Nurture Your Marriage
    • 5 Things Great Listeners Do
    Picture
   The Little Things       |     Date Night      |      Intimacy      |      Values to Live By      |      Routines and Rituals      |      Conflict Resolution       

Featured Couples      |      On a Lighter Note      |      Studies Show      |      Shareable Quotes 
  |      Commenting Policy
Photos used under Creative Commons from buru9, Agence Tophos, Jessica_Branstetter, Ryan Polei | www.ryanpolei.com, elsie.hui, hang_in_there, Nathan O'Nions, srgpicker, abdul / yunir, charlottejewel, kuhnmi, Alexandra Campo, Gareth1953 All Right Now, Simson_Petrol, Mateus Lunardi Dutra, diettogo1, Lyndsay Esson, shaunanyi, Urban_Integration, emraps, lemonjenny, Korona Lacasse, lilivanili, natasia.causse, oz1421, Ars Skeptica, @yakobusan Jakob Montrasio 孟亚柯, johnhope14, Stefano Montagner - The life around me, srgpicker
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group