Put your Rose-Colored Glasses Back On!
Choose to see the good in your spouse. Always. One practice that will help you and your spouse cultivate and nurture a deeper love and affinity for each other will be to regularly see the good in each other. In other words, put your rose-colored glasses back on!
When you and your spouse were dating or newly married, you may have figuratively viewed your spouse through rose-colored glasses. They could do no wrong. They could speak no evil. They were practically perfect in every way.
They would woo you with roses and chocolate, take the time to always look their best for you, steal you away for romantic candle-lit dinner dates, and spend every free second they had telling you that you were handsome, smart, witty, and perfect.
You were sold. He or she was the one. The one you couldn't stand to be without. The one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
You've now lived with this "perfect someone," but as time has gone on you've noticed a few things change.
You walk into the bathroom only to find the toilet seat left up, or make-up spread all over the counter. You open the fridge only to find empty cartons of milk, or leftover casserole-turned-moldy. You look for the car keys, never to find them in the right spot, and then get in the car, only to find it full of leftover McDonald's wrappers and sticky soda cups.
And then there's the chomping, the nail biting, the dirty dishes, the socks on the floor, the endless shopping, the "forgetting to shower and shave," and the snoring. Oh, the snoring! You can't help but notice how your spouse is starting to disgust you with their lack of manners, hygiene, common sense, order, and so many other things! You've found yourself wondering why you married this person in the first place, why they changed, and why you have to put up with all of their nonsense.
If you've ever found yourself feeling this way about your spouse, the real question for you to consider is this:
Did your spouse change, or did YOU?
No matter the answer, you are the solution. Changing the way you view your spouse (despite what they are or aren't doing) will change how you feel about them and how you treat them. Changing your perspective about your spouse, and about your life, is bound to invite optimism, happiness, and joy into your life in a way you haven't known for quite some time.
So, figuratively put those rose-colored glasses back on. Make an effort, a real effort, to see the good in your spouse (there is a LOT of good to see).
Noticing the good in your spouse is a habit that each of us has to develop in order to nurture our marriages. It doesn't often come naturally. However, like any positive habit, if we work at it, it will start to come more easily to us and will become a part of who we are.
Warning - it's going to take a lot of practice (and some time) to get really good at constantly seeing the good in your spouse. However, you will be given opportunities multiple times a day, so embrace them. You may even be given an opportunity to see the good in your sweetheart this very night. Consider the following situation, which may or may not have happened to you before:
I know what you are thinking - these "glasses," are magical. Not quite.
These figurative glasses are a choice.
They cannot be bought, only made in the mind and heart. They will help you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, grant you extra patience, and help you remember daily that you married a person of incredible worth, value, and potential. These glasses will help you see your spouse for who they truly are - and thus, you will be better able to treat them with the respect, love, and kindness that they always deserve.
12/11/2014 10:17:52 pm
This is great! Because sometimes love is a choice, not something you should expect yourself to effortlessly fall into at every moment. I am definitely going to work on this with my spousey :)
12/11/2014 11:58:14 pm
Dahlia, Thanks so much! We completely agree. We have to work on this in our own marriage every day, but it is amazing how much happiness and unity we feel when we "catch each other doing good," instead of just seeing the negative. Let us know how it goes with your spouse!
2/5/2015 10:51:08 pm
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I have been really struggling in my marriage and asking myself why I ever got married in the first place. It is so true. He NEVER did anything wrong when we were dating or first married. But the rosy has worn off over the years. It is definitely time to get a new pair of glasses. This is something I will be working on. You may have just saved my marriage. I have always known he is a good guy who loves me. I love him too. I just couldn't figure out what had changed. I think this is a big part of it.
Aaron & April
2/6/2015 12:46:26 pm
Hi Lisa - thanks for your comment! We're so glad you found this to be helpful! I think this is something we all have to remind ourselves of every now and then. We'd love to hear more about your experience and how this helps!
6/13/2022 01:41:21 pm
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