6 Ways to be the Hero When Your Wife is Emotional

6/1/2016

Isn't this the truth? I really liked this article, because let's be honest...women are just emotional, and that's okay! #marriage #nurturingmarriage

Jeff pulls his Toyota Avalon into the garage after a stressful day of sales meetings. Working as a sales manager is not his ideal job but it pays well enough that his wife chose to stop working and care for the kids full time. Jeff grabs his cell phone and keys and walks to the front yard to check the mailbox. On his way inside he shuffles through the mail. Glancing up from looking at the mail in his hands he sees it and freezes.

His wife sits at the kitchen turned away from him slightly, but he can tell she’s been crying.

He tries not to panic. He wants to run but he can’t just leave her like that, she’s obviously hurt. With a burst of courage he approaches.

What do you do when your wife cries? Do you try to rescue her from her emotions? Tell her how to change her attitude? Fix what is bothering her? Panic and do nothing? Tell her a joke and change the subject? Try to cheer her up? Compare her circumstances to something worse? Do you ignore her to give her space?

Emotion is a window into the heart. Your response to your wife’s emotion is critical. Mishandle the moment and you could hurt her heart and damage your connection.

You can come through for your partner, save the princess in distress, and be the hero.

1. Engage.

Don’t miss the moment. Be like Jeff and boldly approach your wife when she’s crying. Every time your wife shows emotion is a wonderful opportunity to express your love for her. Don’t chicken out, guys. You may feel uncomfortable with her emotional outburst but be available anyway. You’ve got what it takes to be present with your wife even when she cries.

READ: 5 THINGS GREAT LISTENERS DO

2. Check yourself.

You must check your own emotions before you can be available to respond to hers. Check yourself first. How do you feel when your wife is emotional? Perhaps you’re afraid she’s hurt, she’s upset with you, or you’ll be exposed as an inadequate partner. Perhaps you feel manipulated and defensive, or annoyed and angry. Responding to your crying wife with anger is a major bone-head move and a common mistake.

Okay, I loved this. I really want my husband to be close to me when I'm emotional...I just do. I need him to care about how I'm feeling! #marriagehelp #relationshipgoals

3. Don’t look for a problem, try to identify her emotion.

As men, we want to know what happened to her to make her cry so we can fix it. Your deep desire to protect your wife is honorable, but when your problem-solving efforts are mistimed you only add to her hurt. She doesn’t need fixing. She’s not broken. She’s simply feeling an emotion.

Just because you don’t need to fix something doesn’t mean you have to veg out, you can still take action. Work on identifying her emotion. She may be feeling sad, disappointed, sentimental, fearful, or happy. Pay attention. Put the clues together. Then if you still have no idea, ask her. Be careful not to be a doofus. You can’t ask “What’s your problem?” or “What are you crying for?” Instead, ask “What are you feeling right now?” even better, ask without a question. Simply point out that you’re interested in her. “I see you’re crying, I’m interested to know what you’re feeling.”

WATCH: THE NAIL

4. Get close.

It may seem weird but your wife wants you close to her. Your physical closeness communicates emotional availability. Giving her space when she cries can feel cold, like you’re abandoning her. Sit next to her. Give her a hug. Touch her hand and look at her.

5. Respond with empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share in her emotion. If your wife is sad or scared, tell her “It’s ok to feel sad,” and respond with comfort. Responding to her emotion this way makes it safe for her to risk vulnerable emotions with you. Emotional safety is foundational to incredible intimacy in marriage.

READ: 5 WAYS TO FOSTER EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

6. Stay with it.
Your wife’s emotional moments may last longer than you think they should. Even if seeing her cry for 37 seconds feels like a century to you, stay with her. Remember you have what it takes to be her hero. Holding her for twenty to thirty minutes can really help, too.

Men - What do you think would happen if you use these tips the next time your wife is crying?

Women - What have I left out? What do you like your spouse to do when you cry?

Photo Credit: Crooze Photography

Brian J. Lindner is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor specializing in couples counseling at his private practice. His blog, “Make Some Wonderful” provides solid guidance for a wonderful marriage. He lives in Idaho with his wife, Hollie, and their two young boys. Follow him on Twitter @BrianJLindner.

You may also enjoy What You Don't Understand About Your Emotionally Unavailable Partner and Taking Your Spouse's Emotional Temperature

34 Comments

Bev

6/4/2016 09:49:38 am

Great job again, Brian! This needs to be in the hands of all engaged couples -- before they marry!! And, a great reminder for all of us, no matter how long we've been married.

Brian J. Lindner link

6/4/2016 02:51:29 pm

Thanks Bev,

I want every couple to experience deep connection. When husbands hone their skills of emotional availability they'll be the hero and enjoy a wonderful marriage.

Glaiza

6/9/2016 11:37:21 pm

This is what my boyfriend does when I cry. I'm really so happy I have him. :) we're not engaged or married yet but we love reading articles here and with that, we are learning things in advanced, preparing us for our married life. :)

Aaron & April link

8/1/2016 02:10:52 pm

Glaiza,

That is wonderful! He seems sensitive and caring, and those are important qualities to have in a spouse. Continue to learn and grow, even when you are married! We have confidence in your ability to nurture your relationship and to find happiness and fulfillment for years to come.

Best to you!

Aaron & April

Melissa

6/12/2016 08:06:57 am

Wow! This is a beautifully stated, easy to understand article that has the capacity to dramatically change the dynamics of marriages. But can also be applied to any relationship that strives for emotional intimacy. We can never go wrong when we can be present with the ones we love as described in this article. But reality is that sometimes this type of presence is extremely difficult and requires some soul searching on our part.

8/1/2016 02:13:05 pm

Melissa,

Thanks for your kind words, Brian did a great job with this article! Yes, you are right, developing emotional intimacy is a journey that takes time and practice, and sometimes it isn't easy. However, we're confidant that these skills can be learned and developed in order to help couples nurture their marriages!

Thanks for your comment!

Aaron & April

Tiffany

7/19/2016 09:54:25 am

I wish my husband would read this. When I get emotional about something, or cry, he almost always responds in anger. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to express my feelings to him, which in turn, creates a bit of a wall between us. I find myself crying alone in the bathroom so that I can avoid him knowing I'm upset. I once told him that I need him to try and comfort me in those moments and he said he wasn't going to "baby me" if I was upset. So I'm not really sure the best approach with helping him to help me.

8/1/2016 02:22:04 pm

Tiffany,

That sounds like a tough situation to be in.

A few suggestions that may help include:

1. Try and connect with your husband and meet his needs emotionally and physically so he feels close to you. Keep up the little things, date nights, and the like, to make sure you are continually nurturing your marriage.

2. Talk with him about how much you need his comfort and support, and how you need him to care about how you are FEELING. Explain HOW he can comfort you best during those times, and give him three very specific things he can do. Ask him how you can best support him.

3. Be patient. Your husband may have never learned growing up how to handle his own emotions, or to help others work through their own. He may be responding in anger because he is afraid when he sees you crying and he doesn't know what to do. He may not be perfect at learning to comfort you at first, but be patient, with time he can get better.

4. Continually work on finding ways to become more emotionally self-reliant. Find things that help you handle your own emotions and that bring you comfort - perhaps going for a run, taking a bath, calling a friend, etc.

5. Make sure your husband sees your happy, confident, cheerful self a lot, too.

6. Share our website with your husband and tell him you enjoy it. He may enjoy skimming through some articles himself.

7. If there are underlying issues or other things going on in your marriage, these suggestions may not work or may not fix things. Feel free to email us, or to seek help from a professional counselor if needed.

We desire for you to have the connection with your husband that you long for. We're confident things can get better, and that as you work on meeting your spouse's needs he will hopefully turn towards you and find ways to lift you.

Aaron & April

Serge ~ from Aruba link

9/21/2016 07:58:45 am

Man, very interesting article. For sure being emphatic and a good listener help a lot. But sometimes we are piled under our own believe of hard work, work, work year around and we forget to break our (depressing) routines with small things like dining out, going to the movies, have a coffee at a local bookstore, etc. I know each situation is different but we have to try to change our routines. Funny, I was looking for inspiring wedding photos now I am writing comments on this great blog. ;) Keep on writing!

Ray Yee

2/25/2019 11:00:51 pm

I got axiouse and angry sometimes when my wife cries. She is suffering from depression. It almost scares me when she cries. I try to distance her when she cries. What's going on with me?

Carlton Hanson

4/5/2020 04:04:36 pm

I am submitting this on behalf of a good friend of mine. I am worried he is making a huge mistake and needs help. His name is Carlton. He got involved in an affair and left his wife, Charlotte for another woman. This news has been hard on the few people that know of the affair and him leaving. Carlton and Charlotte were so well suited for each other. Charlotte adored Carlton and I thought Carlton loved Charlotte as well. Several of us have spoken about this. Carlton has moved in with his girlfriend. We feel Carlton got wrapped up in the affair and did not truly want to leave Charlotte. Carlton’s best friend is the sister to the woman he left Charlotte for. Can these two wonderful people, Carlton and Charlotte be helped? This breaks my heart. Carlton will face such embarrassment for what he has done. His daughter and granddaughters will face embarrassment and humiliation.
Some of Carlton’s friends will not appreciate him after this all becomes common knowledge. Charlotte will not say anything at this point regarding Carlton, she will and does not speak I’ll of him. Can their marriage be saved? Please help them. I have included Carlton’s email for him to receive help. Thank you. I love this couple, I know they can get through this. And I know Carlton does not want to face the public humiliation of his actions. I know, we know he still loves Charlotte.

Rosina Wilson

6/13/2020 01:36:33 pm

I really wish my husband would do these things. Right now I'm dealing with my mom going through dementia. Its so hard on me cause we are so close. I can cry right in front of him and he walks by. I told him I need him right now to comfort me. I tried telling him how I'm feeling and he says "it's always feelings with you ". I don't know what to do right now but with this and my mom I'm an emotional wreck.

Dylan Burns

7/2/2020 08:46:42 am

What about when you do this for her and she's never emotionally there for you? Its getting harder and harder for me to be there for her when she's repeatedly demonstrated it wont be reciprocated. Im left feeling overburdened and alone. It just makes hard days harder, stressful situations more stressful plus i know im on my own for coping all the while trying to be supportive of her emotions.

I may honestly just go back to numbing out emotionally, i think id rather feel nothing then this

jay

12/23/2020 12:59:34 pm

I feel this 100%

Samuel Stephen

2/16/2021 06:27:49 am

Is often how men should learn to be a support system for their wives but you'll find very few websites on how women are to be there for men.
Sometimes it feels like being a husband is endless school of educating you to be emotionally stand for her. Crazy.

Alice J

10/3/2020 08:20:58 pm

I’m a woman married to a woman and this was extremely helpful for me, since I typically act like the men you are addressing in your article. I don’t know why it is I feel the need to fix things and tell her what to do when she’s told me over and over again she just wants me to listen and comfort her. I like this framing of becoming the hero she needs you to be, not the hero you want to be, and I appreciate how you took care to be compassionate to the people you’re addressing. Thank you.

amanda

1/4/2021 01:43:42 am

My Dear friends online, My name is amanda bella And i live in USA, ohio, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Jude. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor jude for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: virgolovespell@gmail.com or contact him on whatsapp +2348034062173

Ronice harrison

3/27/2021 08:45:03 am

I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing this remarkable review, awesome and extraordinary, I just can’t believe this now my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees begging me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred 5 Months ago. And this whole miracle happened after i contacted Dr tunde for help, I am the happiest woman today in this whole wide world. Its a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today.. I am so happy now and i don’t know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to Dr tunde, contact Dr tunde if you need urgent help now because its guaranteed that he will help Email:babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail. com or you can reach him on via WhatsApp mobile number +2348143581382

4/3/2021 09:09:40 am

4/29/2021 03:03:49 pm

I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing this remarkable testimony, awesome and extraordinary, I just can’t believe this now my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees begging me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred 5 Months ago. And this whole miracle happened after i contacted Dr tunde for help, I am the happiest woman today in this whole wide world. It’s a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today.. I am so happy now and i don’t know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to Dr tunde, contact Dr tunde if you need urgent help now because its guaranteed that he will help Email:babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail. com or you can reach him on via WhatsApp mobile number +2348143581382

Nikki Brown

5/14/2021 08:12:08 am

A lot of people go through pains in their relationships it’s hard to give up on true love, sometimes we pretend to be fine but we are not, fighting to get the one we love is also fighting to get back our joy and . Dr Sam help the broken hearts for he's capable and able to get your EX lovers, partners, wife and husband back with he's powerful love spells and i assure you things will turn around for you Get in touch with him via through his. Email address :okokakspellhome@gmail.com Or WhatsApp:+2349060421250 Thanks Dr Sam

MARIAM

5/16/2021 05:48:55 am

Now I believe that there is nothing that's in possible you can still smile again just like I'm right now because I was heartbroken by my girlfriend but today she is with me and I'm so much happy because I love her so much my boyfriend left me 4 months ago I tried everything I can to get her back but nothing work out for good for me not until I met Dr Sam the great love spell caster who help me cast a spell on her that bring her back to me just within 16 hours I know that Dr Sam can also help you that is also in pain just like as I was before, you can contact Dr Sam today via email okokakspellhome@gmail.com or whats App him on +2349060421250 contact him today and be the most happy person you have never be

Linda coombs

5/16/2021 03:26:29 pm

west valary

5/29/2021 05:59:24 pm

My name is Valary West. I'm from Canada, My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly cared about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Psychic odumeje  can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and I did it and he did a spell for me. 18 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal, and my family and I are living together happily again.. highly recommend Psychic odumeje, he is Powerful and really loves spell caster. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. he will not disappoint you.

Email:  odumejetemple@gmail.com

call / WhatsApp +2349012479806

you can also contact me for more info about the DR here is my email. westvalary@gmail.com

Leelee Williams

6/5/2021 12:28:00 am

I NEED A LOVE SPELL THAT WILL MANIFEST WITHIN 24 HOURS CONTACT (DR MARCUS ) HE HIS THE BEST LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO HELPED ME RESTORE HAPPINESS BACK TO MY RELATIONSHIP
Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Dr MARCUS who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr MARCUS helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him at drmarcushome@gmail.com or drmarcushome@yahoo.com also directly on whats-app +2347066448668

sarah rose

6/5/2021 04:29:49 am

I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email virgolovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (virgolovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173

Jes Davis

6/7/2021 08:23:20 am

6/20/2021 01:57:58 pm

Sala Games

7/5/2021 03:49:51 pm

A lot of people go through pains in their relationships it’s hard to give
up on true love, sometimes we pretend to be fine but we are not, fighting
to get the one we love is also fighting to get back our joy and . Dr Sam
help the broken hearts for he's capable and able to get your EX lovers,
partners, wife and husband back with he's powerful love spells and i assure
you things will turn around for you Get in touch with him via through his
Email address :okokakspellhome@gmail.com Or WhatsApp:+2349060421250 Thanks
Dr Sam

7/11/2021 01:39:44 am

7/18/2021 07:32:10 am

Me and my husband was going through a divorce after 7 years of marriage I see that coming for a while we just was not the same with each other I contacted Dr Tunde he cast of a powerful marriage blessing that reunited me back together with my husband and also made our marriage stronger than ever it’s like we’re newlyweds all over again my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees begging me to take him back thank you so much from the bottom of my heart love you Dr Tunde you can also contact Dr Tunde on via email babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail. com or WhatsApp mobile number +2348143581382

Sophia Lucas

7/20/2021 07:42:10 am

I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing this remarkable testimony, awesome and extraordinary, I just can’t believe this now my ex lover is really back to me on his knees begging me to take he back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred 7 Months ago. And this whole miracle happened after I contacted Dr Sam for help, I am the happiest woman today on earth . Its a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today.. I am so happy now and I don’t know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to Dr Sam , contact Dr Sam if you need urgent help now because its guaranteed that he will help anyone Email: okokakspellhome@gmail. com or you can reach him on via Whats App mobile number +2349060421250

Lucy Martins

7/22/2021 05:27:13 pm

REAL WHITE LOVE SPELL THAT WORKS!!! My husband left me for another girl, I needed him back desperately because i loved him so much. I became very worried and needed help. as i was browsing through the internet, I came across a particular testimony about this good Dr Agbaka help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on , So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (return Love spell) for me. 48 hours later, my husband came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Today I’m so happy and i want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to his or her broken relationships and marriage email him at: Agbakaspelltemple @ gmail. com Simply contact the great “Dr Agbaka If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you., do not cry anymore-contact this powerful spell caster now. Thank you Dr Agbaka for saving my broken relationships and brought my husband back to me!” email him at: Agbakaspelltemple @ gmail. com, his email is Agbakaspelltemple@gmail.com you can also call him or add him on WhatsApp: +2349052647861. and his facebook Page @real white love spell/magic.

Amanda

7/22/2021 06:33:54 pm

Hello, I am Amanda after being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster called Dr Isiramen that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before 72hours that my ex will return to me, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 3pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and to make a testimony online,so people in similer problem will be abie to contact him today through his email via:drisiramen@hotmail.com or call or wha+17072613058

6 Ways to be the Hero When Your Wife is Emotional

Leave a Reply.

The Little Things

You Know You Want to Read

Everybody Loves These