NURTURING MARRIAGE®
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group

5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Friendship in Marriage

12/27/2016

10 Comments

 
Dr. John Gottman says friendship in marriage is pretty important.
This article was originally published on the Gottman Relationship Blog
Written by Liz Higgins, LMFTA
“True friends are never apart; maybe in distance, but never in heart.”
​

This quote rings true for couples. We all want to know the secret to making love last, but what if it was as simple as just being your partner’s friend?

Does that sound a little too easy?

According to research by Dr. John Gottman, long-term vitality and connection is maintained through moments of intentional friendship woven throughout the course of your relationship.

Below are five simple ways to strengthen the friendship in your marriage.

1. Make small moments into pivotal experiences.

Think about the honeymoon phase of your relationship. That time when everything about your partner seemed fascinating. Eros had taken hold of you, and everything from your partner’s hair follicles to their crazy comments to the passionate way they looked at you drew you even closer to them. You were head over heels!

Fast forward a year or two into your relationship. No doubt there are moments that still draw you to your partner, but you notice that “flame” is a little less vibrant and it seems like more of a chore to make time to be together.

This is when the intentional work of maintaining your marital friendship is most important.

Couples in long-term relationships must learn to make the seemingly small and mundane moments actually pivotal moments that show your partner you are in tune with their world.

“Are we out of olive oil? I forgot to check when I was in the kitchen earlier.” Partner shrugs and doesn’t look up from the magazine they are reading.

or…

Partner puts magazine down and responds: “Hmm, I have no idea. But I’ll check on my way out and stop into the store on my way back from the gym later and grab one!”

​The difference is that you intentionally take the time to tune in, actively listen to, and respond to your partner in a way that leaves them acknowledged and heard.

2. Express genuine interest in your partner.

Do you do fun things together during your free time? You don’t have to have the same interests as your partner, but you can absolutely enjoy time spent together by engaging in one of their (or your) interests.

Open yourself up to the opportunity of doing things you may not otherwise do on your own, for the sake of your relationship. What you will find is that, through your willingness to do so, these activities actually become enjoyable. The goal is not to force yourself to like golf if you don’t enjoy golfing, but to look for moments to enjoy with your partner while you are golfing with them.
Do you want to be better friends with your spouse? Then do these 5 things!
3. Make everything positive in your relationship foreplay.

As contrary as it may sound, the smallest ways that you acknowledge your partner’s questions and expressions are the most significant in strengthening and securing your physical bond. According to Dr. Gottman’s research, there is actual legitimacy to the “romance starts in the kitchen” mantra.

Daily experiences like doing the dishes, folding laundry, watching TV, or cooking together can be opportunities for a deeper connection to occur. These can be moments to share about your day, talk about your goals, or simply to check in on how each other is feeling.

What are some daily activities or rituals that you wish your partner would do with you? Would it be nice to have them fold laundry by your side, or simply sit together at dinner and have a conversation instead of silently scrolling through your phones?

In his New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman includes an extensive list of potential activities that couples can do together throughout their day to prioritize emotional connection. Check out the list and get ideas on what you could invite your partner to do with you!

4. Make your friendship unconditional.

When you think of your closest friends, you probably know that there are few things (if any) that could dissolve the bond between you. There is an acceptance of your differences, an understanding that you may disagree on certain issues but love each other nonetheless.

Simply bringing this mentality into your marriage will do wonders for your connection and romance. Recognizing that you will have differences in opinion and ways of addressing certain issues that come up throughout your life can allow you to explore your partner in a different way.

Work stress, issues with the kids, issues with other family members, and so many other things can overflow into your marriage. There should be no conditions when it comes to showing up for your partner. Treat your partner with the same understanding and unconditional support as you would hope to receive from them.

5. Be on your partner’s team.

This goes beyond being able to accept your differences. When it comes to you and your partner versus the world, you should always take the side of your spouse. Never side with the enemy.

Show genuine interest in being on your partner’s side, and never do or say things that could leave them feeling insignificant or alone. Stand up for your partner when you see them feeling uncomfortable in a social setting. Ground yourselves in your relationship by reminding your partner of your future goals when they are doubting themselves.

As with any friendship, your marital friendship is a bond that must be nurtured and prioritized. Creating meaningful experiences, showing genuine interest in one another, prioritizing romance, and being on the same team are all simple, daily actions that you can make right now to strengthen your marriage. Cultivating these will become a lifeline for your relationship and, later down the road, could potentially save your marriage from otherwise drifting apart.
Want research based tools discovered studying thousands of couples to strengthen your relationship? Join The Gottman Relationship mailing list here and receive the 7 Signs Your Relationship Will Last for free.

Photo credit bottom pic: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels

You may also enjoy 40 Two-Player Games You Can Play With Your Spouse and 17 Gestures that Make Women Feel Loved 
10 Comments
Hailey Miller link
12/22/2021 05:41:20 pm

Thanks for pointing out that we should express genuine interest in our partner to strengthen friendship in marriage. This is helpful because my husband and I want to strengthen our bond even if we are married for more than ten years. We are hoping to find a church marriage help program on Monday that can also help us connect with other couples and have fun.

Reply
LOVE SPELL
6/9/2022 02:22:47 pm

My ex-husband and I had always managed to stay friendly after our divorce in February 2017. But I always wanted to get back together with him, All it took was a visit to this spell casters website last December, because my dream was to start a new year with my husband, and live happily with him.. This spell caster requested a specific love spell for me and my husband, and I accepted it. And this powerful spell caster began to work his magic. And 48 hours after this spell caster worked for me, my husband called me back for us to be together again, and he was remorseful for all his wrong deeds. My spell is working because guess what: My “husband” is back and we are making preparations on how to go to court and withdraw our divorce papers ASAP. This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you Dr Emu for your powerful spells. Words are not enough. here is his Email: [email protected] or call/text him on his WhatsApp +2347012841542

He is also able to cast spell like 1: Lottery 2: Conceive 3: Breakup 4: Divorce 5: Cure for all kinds of diseases and viruses.

Reply
Rachael Mildred
1/22/2024 07:29:29 am

EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS.

Contact Doctor Odunga at [email protected] OR Whats App/CALL +2348167159012

I got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
When I came online last year, I saw a testimony about Doctor Odunga and how he has been helping people with marriage issues and I decided to contact him. We spoke on email at [email protected] and later he gave me his Whats-App number which is +2348167159012. He assured me he would help me get my ex husband back after 3 years of no contact. Doctor Odunga is the best spell caster I must say. My husband called me after 24 hours of contact. The third day, I received natural herbs for fertility and after using it, I became fertile and conceived. My husband and I reconnected, had sex and I was pregnant. Presently I am happy to say I am the mother of twin girls and this is ALL THANKS TO DOCTOR ODUNGA. I came online to say this: If you need help, I believe you are saved with this man.

Contact his email at [email protected]

OR Whats App/Call +2348167159012 and you too will give a testimony too to help others

Reply
Sarah Love
3/13/2024 11:13:48 pm

SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP ONLINE Email: [email protected]
Hello, My name is Sarah Love Tover. I live in Dover, Delaware. My boyfriend Juan Tover and I have been dating for the past 4 yrs we were to get married but it never happened..he constantly messes around with his ex's and other females every time he got caught he apologized and me to forgive him and I keep taking him back because I'm truly in love with this man but after a while he started messing around again. I had to do something about the situation. I went online and saw various testimonies of how people got their ex back but one testimony of Dr Odunga helped me find the right solution and I am very happy I contacted Dr. Odunga regarding my problem. My boyfriend is now my HUSBAND. We got married in United Church in Dover. My problem was solved. I am extremely happy to put his email [email protected] to anyone out here looking to solve his/her relationship problem. You can also Whats-App him with his mobile number +2348167159012

Reply
Bren link
3/21/2024 07:42:55 am

THIS IS HOW YOU CAN RECOVER YOUR LOST CRYPTO? Are you a victim of Investment, BTC, Forex, NFT, Credit card, etc Scam? Do you want to investigate a cheating spouse? Do you desire credit repair (all bureaus)? Contact Hacker Steve (Funds Recovery agent) asap to get started. He specializes in all cases of ethical hacking, cryptocurrency, fake investment schemes, recovery scam, credit repair, stolen account, etc. Stay safe out there!
[email protected]
https://hackersteve.great-site.net/

Reply
Bren link
4/21/2024 04:59:58 am

This is how 30 seconds of your time can earn you a free gadget such as iPhone, Steam deck, Playstation, Laptop, iPad, etc. If that is too real to be true, then check it out here: https://survey4reward.free.nf/

Reply
Karen
7/2/2024 09:41:29 pm

My partner and I have been together for 12 years but we broke up 3 years ago after our fight over his cheating habits which they all say it's not their fault but I was the one getting hurt. I was upset over the whole issue that I had to call for the separation but I felt really bad. The separation really had effects on my daughter who had to live away from her father. I had to think of a way to settle things out and find a solution to my husband's behavior. I found out about a spell caster Doctor Odunga who helped me with the problem to make my spouse come back to me and make him stop cheating. Soon, Richard came back to me begging at Sicily where I stayed after our divorce and I told him he has to show me he has changed for me to believe him. He came back twice after that day to Sicily begging me to have him back. It's been more than a year now since my husband came back to me and we have been living together since that day. I believe this man can also help with your problem. His email address is [email protected] or WhatsApp him at +2348167159012

Reply
obodubu monday
7/18/2024 09:56:03 am

Dr. Obodubu Monday is recognised all over the world of marine kingdom, As one of the top fortunate and most powerful spell casters doctor of charms casts from the beginning of his ancestors ship until now Dr. Obodubu Monday lives strong among all other spell casters, there have never been any form of impossibility beyond the control of Dr. Obodubu Monday it doesn’t matter the distance of the person with the problems or situation, all you have to do is believe in the spell casting Dr. Obodubu Monday cast that works, he always warns never to get his charms cast if you do not believe or unable to follow his instruction. it is the assignment of the native doctor Dr. Obodubu Monday to offer services to those in need of spiritual assistance not minding the gravity of your situations or distance as long as water, sea, ocean, lake, river, sand, etc. are near you, then your problems of life would be controlled under your foot. if you need any spiritual help on any of these WhatsApp Doctor Obodubu on : +234 705 993 7909

Get Your Love Back

Fruit Of The Womb

Fibroid

Business Boom

Financial Breakthrough

Get Rich Without Ritual

Do As I Say

Bad Dream

Promise And Fail

Epilepsy

Land/Court Case

Mental Disorder

Political Appointment

Visa Approval

Cancer

Examination Success

Spend And Get Back

Good Luck

Natural Neath

Hypertension

Stroke

Sickle cell

Impotency

Win Court case

Promotion At Work

Commanding Tone

Protection Ring

Marriage Success

Love Ring

Favour Ring

Recover Lost Glory

Spiritual Power For Men Of God

Travel Success Ring

Job Success

lottery/ win

And Many, More

make haste to Dr Monday on WhatsApp +234 705 993 7909 for spiritual problem today and you will surely get solution to all your predicament

Reply
Kutis Williams
10/6/2024 09:04:56 pm

I want to thank all those who have been helping others get their loved ones back with the help of Dr. Odunga. You guys really helped me find the right spell caster.
This is about a real spell caster who did a great thing for me. My name is Kurtis Williams. This testimony is about this great spell caster Doctor Odunga who helped me restore my love life back. Me and my wife had a fight and this fight led to us filing a divorce paper with the court and I had made up my mind. My wife was also at the same time furious about the whole issue and my family was broken into two opposite sides. With advice from a good friend of the family I decided to save my marriage and consult a spell caster to save my marriage. I went online into the internet and searched for a real spell caster's testimony and after reading the testimony of Doctor Odunga I knew he was the spell caster needed to save my marriage and my family from being divided. It was a twist of fate when my wife came to me one evening and said she had withdrawn the divorce papers and she didn't want to leave me anymore. She loves me so much. I knew that the spell had worked and my marriage had been saved from jeopardy. This is a real spell caster and I believe there are people who need the help of a spell caster. Why not contact the one and true spell caster to put an end to all your problems and save your love life just like he did save my marriage. Thank you so much doctor for everything you did. If you want him to help you, contact him at Email: [email protected] OR Whats App Him +2348167159012. You can watch my video on youtube through this link too https://youtu.be/5dnlReUb3JU

Reply
James Turley
2/6/2025 04:24:02 am

I was really stressed by Erectile dysfunction issues and had consulted Dr Moses Buba. He gave us a thorough consultation and the medicines were equally effective. In a couple of weeks there was big improvement in me and we are very pleased with the progress. We cannot thank Dr Moses Buba enough. Highly recommended.you can reach him via Email [email protected] WhatsApp +2349060529305. you can also reach on his Facebook page ; https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61559577240930 / website page https://bubaherbalmiraclem.wixsite.com/website

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    The Little Things

    Instagram

    RSS Feed

    “Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.”
    -Jennifer Smith
    Picture

    You Know You Want to Read

    • 15 Tricks to Help You Learn How to Talk to Your Spouse Again
    • 3 Reasons You & Your Spouse Need a Bucket List
    • How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship
    • 17 Gestures That Make Men Feel Loved
    • Why You Should Still Ask Your Spouse Out on Dates
    • Foreplay Isn't Always What You Think
    • 3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner
    • 5 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws Who Feel Like Out-Laws

    Everybody Loves These

    • Doing Things Your Lover Loves Because You Love Your Lover
    • 40 Fabulous Spring Date Ideas
    • 4 Tips to Creating the Marriage You Want
    • What is Your Apology Language?
    • How to Create Bedtime Rituals That Will Nurture Your Marriage
    • 5 Things Great Listeners Do
    Picture
   The Little Things       |     Date Night      |      Intimacy      |      Values to Live By      |      Routines and Rituals      |      Conflict Resolution       

Featured Couples      |      On a Lighter Note      |      Studies Show      |      Shareable Quotes 
  |      Commenting Policy
Photos from buru9, Agence Tophos, Jessica_Branstetter, Ryan Polei | www.ryanpolei.com, elsie.hui, hang_in_there, Nathan O'Nions, srgpicker, abdul / yunir, charlottejewel, kuhnmi, Alexandra Campo, Gareth1953 All Right Now, Simson_Petrol, Mateus Lunardi Dutra, diettogo1, Lyndsay Esson, shaunanyi, Urban_Integration, emraps, lemonjenny, Korona Lacasse, lilivanili, natasia.causse, oz1421, Ars Skeptica, @yakobusan Jakob Montrasio 孟亚柯, johnhope14, Stefano Montagner - The life around me, srgpicker
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group