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4 of the Best Marriage Books

7/8/2015

18 Comments

 
4 of the BEST #marriage books - love this website. Tons of helpful information!
By Courtney Stivers
Here is a list of books that I would recommend to all married or engaged couples (it is very difficult to narrow it down to just a few).

1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

by John M. Gottman & Nan Silver
I read this in graduate school, and one aspect I enjoyed was that it is written in a way that is useful both for couples and for counseling professionals.  I am skeptical in general about research, but the conclusions and suggestions from this book are practical and pragmatic.  Though not a substitute for martial counseling, I feel this book will benefit the reader especially in the area of conflict resolution.
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

2. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that 

Lasts

The basic principle of this book is to learn how you and your spouse express love and how to show love to your spouse.  If you speak your spouse’s love language (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch), you can reach deeper levels of intimacy and connection.  This is a bit overly simplistic, as people’s needs are often more complex and not everyone fits neatly into one of these boxes.  Still, this is a quality read and worthwhile to happy and struggling couples.
by Gary Chapman
The 5 Love Languages Overview

3. Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed 

Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us 

Happy

by Gary L. Thomas
This might not be a fit for everyone’s world view, but I wanted to include it for those who are of the Christian faith.  It is a very interesting premise, even if one is not a Christian.  The crux of the book is that the true purpose of marriage is self growth and a greater connection with God.  I think all too often we pursue constant happiness and pleasure. Then, when our spouse does not meet our expectations, we jump to the erroneous conclusion that we married the wrong person.
Sacred Marriage Overview - What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy

4. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof 

Marriage

by Willard F. Harley
This book reviews the top five needs of both men and women, and then it suggests the way to keep a relationship strong is by meeting the needs of your partner.  Again, it might be oversimplified, but I do think it is very important to have an awareness of your spouse’s needs and attempt to meet them.  I agree that people whose needs are being met are less likely to have an affair, though they are responsible for their own behavior either way.  I also wanted to mention that your spouse’s needs might not match the five listed in this book, so study your spouse.  Learn about his or her world.  Ask what makes them feel loved or affirmed.
His Needs, Her Needs overview - great review of a great book!
To all you married folks out there, what marriage books do you recommend to others?  I always love finding a new book to read.  My nightstand is empty right now.

*Courtney Stivers, PhD, earned her doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Louisiana at Monroe, and she is licensed as Marriage and Family Therapist and Professional Counselor in Arkansas.  Additionally, she is an adjunct professor for Liberty University and has a passion for teaching family systems theory and professional issues.

18 Comments
Brandie B
7/10/2015 07:40:21 am

The Love Dare, its a daily devotional book, I buy one as a wedding gift eveytime someone I know gets married!!

Reply
Courtney Stivers link
7/10/2015 12:26:43 pm

Yes, I have that one! I cry like a little old lady watching a lifetime movie every time I watch Fireproof. The acting is not great, but the story is so powerful.

Reply
udochi Ufomba
7/10/2017 05:04:23 am

A must read book indeed. Must known principles of a successful marriage for couples. I appreciate.

Aaron & April link
7/13/2015 07:22:15 am

Ooooh, we'll have to check it out! Sounds good!

Reply
Caleb
7/15/2015 12:07:33 am

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson is an awesome marriage book. It is a great book to read together. Five Love Languages is definitely a good one as well. Understanding how your spouse feels loves can be very powerful for a marriage.

Reply
Zandra C
8/23/2015 02:34:22 am

Thank you for all the great marriage books!
A few others: "From this day forward - Five commitments to fail-proof your marriage", Craig & Amy Groeschel.
"Fit to be tied - Making marriage last a lifetime", Bill & Lynne Hybels

Reply
Aaron & April
8/24/2015 01:17:19 am

Thanks for sharing some more great books, Zandra!

Reply
AC
2/27/2016 05:44:59 pm

I find this personaly humourous because the woman that was having an affair with my husband states that the "His Needs Her Needs" is actually bibically based. And that after reading it together (which my husband claims he did not) that it spiritually married them. Yep folks - wackjobs are everywhere.

Reply
Aaron & April link
6/22/2016 06:40:14 pm

Yikes - we're sorry you had to go through that. His Needs, Her Needs is definitely a good book for couples and we highly recommend it!

Reply
Jackie
10/17/2016 02:54:04 pm

I am a woman and I would say that I would like the same things that he lists a man needs. For instance, it is important to me to be sexually fulfilled. And I think everyone would love to have an attractive spouse but to list this in the top five for a man's need is very sexist and extremely shallow.

Reply
Aaron & April link
10/18/2016 08:53:55 am

Jackie,

We're sorry you feel that way. Please understand that we didn't create the list of His Needs/Her Needs. That list comes from a research-based book, and those were the results of the men and women surveyed. Obviously, not all men and women fall into those categories, in that order. It is good for both men and women to recognize their top needs and know their spouse's top needs in order to help each other and complement each other. Hope that helps!

Aaron & April

Reply
Wendy link
6/15/2017 12:59:29 pm

The new book by Gary Thomas, "Cherish" is amazing! It will give you a whole new perspective on how to treat your spouse in a way that honors one another by learning how to not just love your spouse, but how to really cherish them and your relationship.

Reply
Aaron & April link
6/22/2017 04:49:57 pm

Wendy,

We'll have to check it out - thanks for the tip! It sounds like a fabulous idea!

Thanks, Aaron & April

Jennifer
6/21/2017 07:43:07 pm

I agree. Women can love and desire sex too. What about those of us who have husbands who don't like sex? I would like recreational companionship as well...

Reply
Aaron & April link
6/22/2017 04:51:56 pm

Jennifer,

Thanks so much for your comment! You are right, these "needs" can easily go both ways. Those were just the top needs from his survey/research. If you want to further the conversation, please email us and we can chat more about your desire for recreational companionship and your husband's lack of desire for sex. Best to you!

Aaron & April

Tammy
9/11/2017 09:28:08 pm

I couldn't agree more. This shallow list seems to me the reason why so many women have insecurities. Looks fade, sex isn't great all the time, every time. These are things that cannot be helped, however, the man's list is not hard to keep to.

Reply
Sir Sweetness link
1/4/2019 01:16:31 pm

Men are visual. Having an attractive wife is in the top 3 for most or all men. Sorry to disagree with you

Reply
Angela
3/12/2021 06:36:38 pm

This is why I never read any of these sort of books. The generalization in them without any sort of disclaimer makes them unreadable to me. I feel the same about many Christian blog posts too.

Reply



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  • About
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