SECRET: If you let your husband have the time and space he needs in his man cave, then he will come back to you refreshed, renewed, and ready to love and serve you (and your kids, if you have any) in a more meaningful way.
Here are three reasons why your husband needs a man cave:
1) He needs some time for himself
You and your spouse both need alone time every now and then. Time to recharge, renew, and recommit to those things that matter most in your life. You need that sense of freedom - the freedom to think, draw, plan, dream, set-goals, and create a full and healthy life for yourself. So, realize that it is healthy for your husband to have freedom to exist as his own person - to tinker, pursue hobbies, or to just watch a game without having you on his back. You enjoy that freedom too - whether it's working out, planting flowers in the garden, going out with your girlfriends, or reading Anne of Green Gables in your favorite chair.
Just think of that sweet husband of yours - he works long hours for meager wages; comes home with a smile on his face and with tickles for the kids; heads off to teach the cub scouts how to tie knots; and then stops to help someone on the side of the road before returning home and crashing into bed exhausted from all his responsibilities and a lack of time with his favorite person ever - you.
So, what if it has been a long day and you haven't had any time with your spouse? Are you going to cry and whine when your hubby tells you he is going downstairs for fifteen minutes? It would be wise for you to try and discern your husband's needs and to recognize that he literally never has time for himself. At this rate, he is going to wear down pretty quickly, and turn into an uptight, stressed, and grouchy old puss.
Do yourself a favor and send him to his man cave for renewal. Even fifteen minutes can make a big difference. A successful marriage doesn't mean you have to be together all the time. Rather, it means that you both take care of yourselves, all while looking out for your spouse and seeking to serve, bless, and help them. So, look out for your husband and make sure he is getting a little time alone. He will come upstairs renewed, refreshed, and ready to talk (and ready to love).
2) He craves his own space (he even likes to decorate... in a manly sort of way)
It doesn't matter so much where your husband's "man cave" is, or what it looks like. (Check out these ideas on pinterest to see some creative ideas.) What matters is that he has a space to call his own. A space to decorate as he sees fit (since you told him the life-size Darth Vadar helmet doesn't "fit," in your bedroom).
The idea behind the "man cave," is that your husband has space. It may not be a lot of space, but it is his and he will be protective of it. Just think, you probably have your own space too - a craft room, scrapbooking desk, or a sewing table (if you aren't crafty, you probably dominate the kitchen and the bathroom). So, let your husband have some space.
3) He wants peace and quiet (even for just a few minutes)
You like to talk. Admit it. And if you don't, you probably have young kids who do. And then there are the cub scouts. Or you may have teenagers. Let's not even get started with them. Without a "man cave" of sorts, your hot-hunk-of-a-husband is going to come to a breaking point soon where there is too much noise, too little sleep, and not enough quiet. He will start to feel drained, exhausted, and a bit grouchy.
So just send him to his man cave. Let him have some down-time. Some quiet time. Some thinking and tinkering time. He needs that. You may not realize it, but being able to do something (watch a show, write, solve problems, draw, read, play an instrument, etc) is so much more relaxing and renewing when there isn't noise or interruptions 24/7. The nice thing is that quiet time will invite reflection, calm, and peace into your husband's life, and those attributes and qualities will bless your marriage in return.
He may just need an outlet...
Not all men need a "man cave" per se, but they all appreciate some alone time, space, and quiet that can be found through other outlets. Some like mountain biking, others enjoy fishing (the true quiet seekers). Some enjoy the camaraderie and renewal of watching a sports game with buddies (as long as their favorite team wins, right?). Other outlets may include camping, hiking, hunting, golfing, reading, shopping, working out, etc. The important thing is to support your husband and encourage him to find time for himself.
What a man cave is not
It's also important to understand what a man cave is not. If the idea of a man cave is taken too far, then it can end up backfiring - and the consequences can be painful. So, make sure you and your husband set limits and there is general understanding that a man cave is NOT for:
- escaping responsibility
- ignoring children's needs
- wasting time on mindless things (i.e. video games)
- viewing inappropriate media (i.e. porn)
- drinking or getting wasted
- putting friends above family
- endless hours alone, avoiding social activities or other family outings
A man-cave can be a very positive thing for a marriage and for a family. Your husband's man cave can be his sanctuary, a place where he can go for renewal. And remember, that after some well-deserved rest in his cave, he'll come back to you regenerated, renewed, and ready to be his best self.
9/30/2018 07:44:06 am
Bullshit. It's an escape from family responsibilities your wife and mother of your kids cannot and does not escape from. What would happen if she did lived in her woman cave? It's checking out mentally, physically and emotionally in a destructive way unhealthy for your marriage and children. It's a cop out from the daily grind you signed on to when you committed yourself to marriage and had children. Get your ass out of your hiding hole and participate regularly with your family like a real man. Your wife is lonely for your time and your children need you to be available when you are not working. All the time. That's how it goes, Mister Man. Grow up. You're missing out and messing up by only being available at your own convenience. Man caves are a shame and disgrace to every immature man-child who has one. Even if you're in there creating a multi-million dollar invention for your family to live in comfort the rest of your lives, your wife and kids would rather have you, your time, your attention, not just when you feel like it, but when they need it. Get your lazy, cop-out ass out of there and spend time with your family before it's too late--before your wife is sick of doing life alone and begging for your time, before your children are grown and gone. It all goes by way too fast. Wake up and grow up with your family like a real man.
7/21/2019 03:20:29 pm
I agree that you are giving the man freedom from his time needed to help at home. The wife has no where to escape. My husband isn't working so he doesn't come home from a long day at the job and he doesn't come across pl who need help. If he does, he wines about it. He is in the garage from 9am till 7 or 8 pm. Thats BS
9/19/2020 04:43:58 pm
Lady, you are absolutely toxic. It's more likely he is hiding from the likes of you. His mancave is probably the only reason he's not killed you yet so count yourself lucky.
2/28/2019 01:27:43 pm
Amen to that. Couldn't have said it better myself 👏👏👍👍
11/30/2019 09:07:50 am
I agree with first commenter. The more time my husband spends in the garage, literally just sitting out there, vaping and watching YouTube videos, the more I resent him for not being available to the family. I could understand it more if he kept the garage clean or had a project he was working on. But I end up cleaning the garage myself most of the time. It's very frustrating. Not to mention, that all the while, I'm still doing all the housework. 7 days a week, no days off!
The Queen Ant
3/21/2020 01:56:01 pm
I know the frustration of an the escaping husband all too well. Many nights crying, angry, resentful, etc. I fear our boys growing up without learning the basics of manhood. I can’t teach them that. I’ve seen the lack of parenting on his part and it hurts. Talk about backfiring. I can only do so much as a mother. I’m not going to live like a single parent when my husband is literally in the room down the hall.
4/10/2021 06:54:50 pm
I freaking love your comment, I have come to HATE HIS man cave we recently bought a new house and everything from our apartment is in his man cave. i must admit he hooked it up nicely. mini fridge, speakers microwave😤🙄.it's like his own little apartment
Tired of it
4/2/2021 01:20:48 am
My husband claimed a shed inside our garage that he insulated and put a space heater in for winter. Just a basic, small place with a 40 inch TV about 6 feet from his chair. He is a smoker so that was fine with me... almost 20 years ago. He has hidden out in it while I've worked full time and raised our son inside. He only comes in to eat, sleep, and bathroom. Sometimes, he even takes his plate outside. He works full time but so did I, until recently. He comes straight home from work and watches TV and plays a golf game on his phone for 5-7 hours a day, every single day. If I go outside to confer with him about anything at all, without taking his eyes off either screen, he shushes me rudely. It's always "the last 5 minutes" of a movie, or "not now, I'm in a golf tournament". I feel single, though I have my own friends and hobbies, but I'd basically never see him if he didn't have to eat or pee. I was tired of his cave after the first year. I cannot even remember when we watched a movie together. Literally years. He has used his cave as a place to completely check out. In my mid 50's now, I have not let my physical appearance go, keep a neat house, help pay bills, put decent meals on the table. Other men still notice and talk to me, not that I'm interested one bit, partly from being married to such a selfish, ungrateful bastard for so many years. After about the 5th year of this nonsense, I stopped saying anything about it all. It's to no avail. I often question what I ever saw in him in the first place, as he is certainly no friend or lover to me. I wasted my youth, trying to respect his need for alone time, and this is what it's come to. Young women, men do need space, but don't waste the years if he refuses to come out and be involved and checked in. Just pack on up and leave if he is not interested. Otherwise, your kids will grow up and leave, and he'll still be hiding in his hole. At this point, he can die alone in there as far as I'm concerned, because he has left me to die alone inside, year after year after year. That is the only fault I take responsibility for... And only that out of trying to be understanding, patient, and loving. My return on that has been zero. I'm not too old to leave, it's just so much more complicated to do that after 35 years, but we haven't been together since he moved into his hiding hole. I'm so tired of it, words cannot even express. Since I'm used to living inside alone, I might as well be alone without the pain of his rejection constantly in my face... From a shed outside.
4/11/2021 12:28:14 pm
Now that my husband has quit vaping, he is in the house unless he is actually working on a project. We have moved and now have an attached garage, a small shed, and a large pole barn. He has plenty of places to hide, but I think he is finally done hiding. Seems the vaping addiction was the main reason for being in the garage before. He truly didn't want to encourage vaping in our kids. Unfortunately, our now 20 yr old daughter did start vaping in HS, so doing it in the garage didn't help all that much in the end.
6/13/2022 04:40:52 pm
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4/25/2023 08:30:26 pm
It’s a lonely life with a man cage. Mine has been doing it since our house got built about 35 years ago. We built a garage not a “shop or man cave”. Because I’m limited on the space for seasonal decorations (that I believed would get stored in the garage oh I mean man cave!
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