NURTURING MARRIAGE®
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group

THe "Golden Rule" for New Parents to Keep the Romance Alive

2/22/2017

12 Comments

 
How can you keep your marriage strong after baby?
This article was originally published on the Gottman Relationship Blog
Written by April Eldemire, LMFT  /
Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that small actions practiced daily is the biggest predictor for keeping romance, intimacy, and connection alive during the transition to parenthood. Going the extra mile means everything with a new baby in the mix.

As life with a little one begins, parents often find themselves sleep deprived, overwhelmed with a laundry list of to-do’s and the feeling that there’s never enough time in the day to do it all.

New parents often believe that in order to meet the demanding needs of the baby, they have to sacrifice the needs of the relationship. There is a sense that “I can either be close to my spouse or my baby, but I can’t do both.” This leads to resentment and isolation.

But Bringing Baby Home research has shown that couples can be engaged parents and protect their relationship without sacrificing the bond with their child. With just a little effort, couples can maintain emotional closeness by following the “golden rule” of relationships: small things often.

Tuning in and turning towards each other, especially in moments of heightened stress, creates a sense of connection and emotional intimacy. Practicing simple gestures to preserve the relationship makes for a more manageable transition to parenthood.

If you’re a new parent or expecting a little one, consider incorporating the following strategies into your relationship so that you’re not just staying afloat, but fully thriving as your family grows.

Turn towards bids for connection

Requests for connection happen between partners all the time. Sometimes they are extremely subtle, such as a touch on the hand, or very straightforward as in, “Take a look at this for me. What do you think?” Dr. Gottman’s research in his Love Lab has shown that successful couples respond to bids more frequently than distressed couples do. If partners bids are consistently ignored or disregarded, they form a negative view of the relationship and distance themselves from their partner.

Happy couples, however, are more aware of what to look for and make the conscientious choice to turn towards, rather than turn away, from requests for affection, emotional support, and sex. Responding to bids is important because in small, everyday moments, you’re creating the building blocks that maintain the foundation of the relationship. Here are some examples of bids:

READ: TAKE THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES QUIZ!
You can keep your marriage strong, even after baby!
  • A bid for conversation: “I’m worried that the baby might not be getting enough nutrients.”
  • A bid for sex: “You look so sexy in that outfit.”
  • A bid for affection: “Will you hold me?”
  • A bid for attention: “Can we talk?”
  • A bid for humor: “Have you heard this joke yet?”

Express fondness and admiration

Dr. Gottman encourages couples to “catch your partner doing something right.” Research shows that if couples are in the habit of viewing their relationship from a negative perspective, they miss half of the positive things their partner does.

It’s important for couples to find ways to praise each other for their positive traits. You can do this by creating a “culture of appreciation.” You can appreciate their parenting style or how they help with the baby while still making time for the other things they do to keep things running smoothly. Remember to share them with your partner. They yearn to hear it.

  • “You were so great with the baby last night. It really made me smile.”
  • “You’re an awesome dad. You’re so calm and patient with the baby.”
  • “Thanks for making dinner tonight. I know you have your hands full.”
  • “Even with no sleep, you’re still gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?”
  • “Thanks for keeping things together when I can’t. I really count on you!”
​
Make partings and reunions a routine part of your day

Don’t neglect each other as you rush out the door. Spend a few minutes to develop an atmosphere of love as you part for the day, and again once you return. Here are some examples of rituals of connection:
​
  • Kiss each other goodbye for six seconds and wish them well.
  • Wake up early and take care of the baby while the other gets some much-needed rest.
  • Leave a quick note to say how much they mean to you.
  • Make the bed before you go.
  • Say goodbye with affection and words of encouragement.
  • Greet each other with a “6 second kiss.”
  • Put your phone away and genuinely listen to your partner’s day. Express empathy and understanding.
  • Help with dinner.
  • Clean up the dishes.
  • Take over the night routine like bathing, singing, dancing or reading to your little one.

READ: 4 STEPS TO BUILDING AN INTERDEPENDENT MARRIAGE

Have a daily stress-reducing conversation

Conflict is inevitable in all relationships and tends to spike after a baby is born. Work stress, new financial strains, and balancing the added responsibilities of being parents can create strain on the relationship. The Bringing Baby Home research found that having a daily conversation that includes understanding, support and affection helps manage the external stressors separate from the relationship.

  • Stay mindful and present while showing genuine interest in what your partner has to say.
  • Seek understanding before giving advice. “That sounds overwhelming. I’d be at my wits end too. I can totally understand how you feel.”
  • Offer support. “I really wish your boss would lay off on you.”
  • Show affection. “Come here. I bet you could use a hug.”
  • Help aid in problem solving. “Do you want my advice? Let’s work through this together.”

Never stop dating your partner

One of the greatest gifts you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Date nights provide an opportunity to stay connected, increase intimacy, and balance life as a team.

  • Plan monthly date nights.
  • Keep mutual hobbies sacred.
  • Make “date-night in” a regular part of your week.
  • Watch a comedy together. Laughter and humor raise endorphins and lighten the mood.

Parenthood is tough, especially in the beginning. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that the best gift you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Don’t forget how important it is to spend time together, lift each other up, show you care, and nurture the relationship by practicing the golden rule of doing the small things often.

For more insight on how to build a positive, lasting relationship after a baby arrives, subscribe below and check out the popular guide, Small Things Often.

Want research based tools discovered studying thousands of couples to strengthen your relationship? Join The Gottman Relationship mailing list here and receive the 7 Signs Your Relationship Will Last for free.

You may also enjoy The Art of Being a More Patient Spouse and Always Hold Hands
12 Comments
Cassie from True Agape link
3/4/2018 07:58:41 am

We need to always make our partners feel special. We should not stop doing it because we're married. Instead do small things every time. You will be appreciated.

Reply
jasmine robert
7/3/2021 04:13:02 pm

Thank you Dr Jumba for your genuine spells. This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Before I came in contact with Dr Jumba, I have tried every possible means that I could to get my husband back, but I actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and my husband had developed a lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope of reuniting with my husband until my friend told me about dr jumba and she gave me dr jumba website i googled it and read good reviews about Dr Jumba work , I decided to give it a try and I did everything that he instructed me and I trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he had guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me and ask for forgiveness that he his on his way to my house .. We are good more than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much for your authentic and indisputable spells. Thank you Dr Jumba for your help. If you need help in your marriage or broken relationship, contact Dr Jumba right now for urgent help Email: [email protected] OR [email protected] View his websitehttps://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/ Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108

Reply
Danielle Russell
4/29/2024 01:48:30 am

DR GERALD IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR GERALD ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! WHATSAPP +14242983869

My husband left me for another woman 1 year ago and ever since then my life has been filled with pain, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom I have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Gerald that he can bring back lover within few hours, i laugh it out and said am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 11 hours my husband called me for the very first time after 1 year that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for everything he made me went through. He is back to me and now we are happy together. I still can't believe it, because it is highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr Gerald for bringing back my husband and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for anyone who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address

[email protected]

WhatsApp: +14242983869

Facebook Page: https://facebook.com/Psychicspiritualrealm

Reply
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 04:09:16 pm

Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: [email protected] copy and message on the following ( [email protected] ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341

Reply
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 04:10:22 pm

Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: [email protected] copy and message on the following ( [email protected] ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341

Reply
Rachael Mildred
1/22/2024 08:37:46 am

EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS.

Contact Doctor Odunga at [email protected] OR Whats App/CALL +2348167159012

I got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
When I came online last year, I saw a testimony about Doctor Odunga and how he has been helping people with marriage issues and I decided to contact him. We spoke on email at [email protected] and later he gave me his Whats-App number which is +2348167159012. He assured me he would help me get my ex husband back after 3 years of no contact. Doctor Odunga is the best spell caster I must say. My husband called me after 24 hours of contact. The third day, I received natural herbs for fertility and after using it, I became fertile and conceived. My husband and I reconnected, had sex and I was pregnant. Presently I am happy to say I am the mother of twin girls and this is ALL THANKS TO DOCTOR ODUNGA. I came online to say this: If you need help, I believe you are saved with this man.

Contact his email at [email protected]

OR Whats App/Call +2348167159012 and you too will give a testimony too to help others

Reply
Bren link
3/21/2024 05:03:01 pm

THIS IS HOW YOU CAN RECOVER YOUR LOST CRYPTO? Are you a victim of Investment, BTC, Forex, NFT, Credit card, etc Scam? Do you want to investigate a cheating spouse? Do you desire credit repair (all bureaus)? Contact Hacker Steve (Funds Recovery agent) asap to get started. He specializes in all cases of ethical hacking, cryptocurrency, fake investment schemes, recovery scam, credit repair, stolen account, etc. Stay safe out there!
[email protected]
https://hackersteve.great-site.net/

Reply
Danielle Russell
4/29/2024 01:48:48 am

DR GERALD IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR GERALD ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! WHATSAPP +14242983869

My husband left me for another woman 1 year ago and ever since then my life has been filled with pain, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom I have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Gerald that he can bring back lover within few hours, i laugh it out and said am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 11 hours my husband called me for the very first time after 1 year that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for everything he made me went through. He is back to me and now we are happy together. I still can't believe it, because it is highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr Gerald for bringing back my husband and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for anyone who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address

[email protected]

WhatsApp: +14242983869

Facebook Page: https://facebook.com/Psychicspiritualrealm

Reply
James campbell
7/20/2024 12:55:06 pm

How To Recover BITCOIN From Fake Cryptocurrency Investment // OPTIMISTIC HACKER GAIUS

Leading cryptocurrency recovery company OPTIMISTIC HACKER GAIUS
specializes in getting back money that has been stolen from individuals through bogus investment platforms. Their team of professionals tracks and traces stolen cryptocurrencies using state-of-the-art technology and industry experience, increasing clients’ chances of recovery. Minutes wasted make an impact on the recovery process. Get Captain OPTIMISTIC HACKER GAIUS
help now. Their cybersecurity team’s comprise of professional license blockchain developers who are very much knowledgeable in the crypto space and are able to help you in all crypto scam retrieval funds, bitcoin scam recovering and investment scam recovery.

Contact info.
Email address.... (optimistichackergaius @ seznam.cz)

WhatsApp: +44 7.7.3.5.2.8.0.4.7.3

Reply
Shanika Stewart
10/31/2024 08:50:59 am


You can get your ex back and cure your infertility problems with Great Odunga.

When I met Great Odunga, my husband had divorced me for over 2years because I was infertile and had been married for 23 years. I was devastated and confused as a woman of my age until I went online to look for help on how to get my marriage back then I met Great Odunga. Within 48 hours of contacting him, my ex husband came back home and pleaded for me to forgive him and take him back after 5 months of divorce. I accepted him back and then I told Great Odunga of my bareness for him to help me. He did the spell for fertility and after 48 hours of completing it, I conceived. My husband got me pregnant and I gave birth to a baby girl.
Presently, I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl and I am happy in my marriage. I would recommend him to anyone and I trust he has the power to help you. This is all thanks to Great Odunga and his wonderful work. Contact Great Odunga Via Whats-App number +2348167159012. Email him at: [email protected] / [email protected]

Reply
KIARA HAHN
12/23/2024 12:03:45 pm


How I Got My Ex Back with the Help of a Spell Caster +2349161779461

Hello everyone, my name is Kiara Hahn from California. I want to share my story about a powerful spell caster named Dr. Jakuta. I was heartbroken when my fiancé left me without warning, and I spent the last month feeling confused, guilty, and devastated. Desperate for help, I searched online for relationship advice and found Dr. Jakuta, who has helped many people with their relationship problems. I reached out to him, and he promised to bring my fiancé back to me within 72 hours. After following his instructions, my fiancé surprisingly showed up at my doorstep, apologized, and now we're living happily together again. If you're having relationship issues, you can contact Dr. Jakuta at:

Email: [email protected]
WhatsApp: +2349161779461

Reply
micheal pevet
3/11/2025 04:20:28 am

NATURAL WAY TO GET HERPES1&2 CURED. If you have been looking for ways to naturally get rid of the herpes simplex virus from your body completely, then you are welcome to read further. Let's face reality here, you have tried so many counter drugs and you are confused, weak and angry because nothing seems to work. Good News For you my friend.... Yes, I came with good news that will liberate you from the pains and stress of herpes outbreak, you will get total cure from this virus using Dr. MOSES BUBA Herbal Methodology. Who is Dr. MOSES BUBA? You may ask. Dr. MOSES BUBA is a herbalist and a naturalist. He researched and identified some herbs and established a unique methodology to healing the human body using Herbal medicine that was confidently entrenched in his over 30 years of experience. According to him, he has the cure for so many diseases/virus like GENITAL HERPES, HIV, DIABETES, CANCER, HPV, HSV1&2, GENITAL WART, SHINGLES, VAGINAL INFECTION and so many more. You can reach Dr MOSES BBUBA on his email: [email protected] / WhatsApp +2349060529305 . You can also contact him through his website: https://bubaherbalmiraclem.wixsite.com/website. Facebook page : https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61559577240930 . I am using this medium to inform everyone how to get treated of herpes using Dr MOSES BUBA recommended Herbal methodology.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Routines &
    Rituals

    RSS Feed

    “A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.”
    - Fawn Weaver

    Picture

    You Know You Want to Read

    • 15 Tricks to Help You Learn How to Talk to Your Spouse Again
    • 3 Reasons You & Your Spouse Need a Bucket List
    • How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship
    • 17 Gestures That Make Men Feel Loved
    • Why You Should Still Ask Your Spouse Out on Dates
    • Foreplay Isn't Always What You Think
    • 3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner
    • 5 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws Who Feel Like Out-Laws
    Instagram

    Everybody Loves These

    • Doing Things Your Lover Loves Because You Love Your Lover
    • 40 Fabulous Spring Date Ideas
    • 4 Tips to Creating the Marriage You Want
    • What is Your Apology Language?
    • How to Create Bedtime Rituals That Will Nurture Your Marriage
    • 5 Things Great Listeners Do
    Picture
   The Little Things       |     Date Night      |      Intimacy      |      Values to Live By      |      Routines and Rituals      |      Conflict Resolution       

Featured Couples      |      On a Lighter Note      |      Studies Show      |      Shareable Quotes 
  |      Commenting Policy
Photos from Brett Jordan, Billy Metcalf Photography, -closed- look 4 /MyVisualPoetry, the.anomalous, anastasia r, iulia.pironea, Ryan Paulsen Photography, ashleypatty34, DonMiller_ToGo, Phil Roeder, Tony Faiola, David Blackwell., Lee Howguar, Nastya Birdy, johnhope14, RobertJinks, ClearFrost, parramitta, Kevin Cortopassi, JasonCorey, Rosa majalis, arthur shuraev, danielmoyle, H o l l y., [email protected] +919833694352, seanmcgrath, Marina Aguiar Araujo, Zuerichs Strassen, Leo Hidalgo (@yompyz), Sergio Vassio, tmarsee530, osseous, striatic, garryknight, bandita
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group