What your husband really wants is for you to WANT to have sex with him. For you to ENJOY having sex with him. And for you to INITIATE it. His deeper sexual needs (and emotional needs), and yours, will be met when you, as the woman, initiate sex, rather than leaving it up to him all the time to see that it happens.
You read that right. Ladies, I'm talking to you.
Let's be honest here. Think back to the last time you initiated sex in your marriage. I know all the excuses that are coming to your mind right now - too tired, don't need it, takes too much energy, no fun for you, etc, etc, etc. No one likes excuses - we all like positive results. If you are too tired, you shouldn't use that as an excuse night after night. You should decide that sex needs to be important to you too, and not just to your husband. You should decide to take a nap, or grab your hubby by the hand earlier and start loving on him instead of waiting until you fall into bed, half dead from exhaustion.
Yes, women need to take the lead in initiating sex more. It's common knowledge that men are usually the ones making advances on their wives, and are usually more interested in sexual intimacy (at least more regularly). Let's change that. There are plenty of good reasons why.
1. Your husband needs to know you are crazy about him.
It is super important for your husband to feel and know that he fulfills your every need - emotionally and physically. He also needs to know that the physical part of your relationship isn't one sided. Your husband doesn't want to feel like he is always the one asking for sex, begging for sex, or constantly sending the message that he wants sex. What your husband really wants is YOU. He needs to know that you need him, in a sexual way, just like he needs you. When you show him that you want to have sex with him (and often), it will let him know, in a very obvious way, that he rials you up. He excites you. He ignites passion within you. And that feeling will make him feel more manly and more loved than he has felt in a long time.
2. Sex will become more important to you.
One of the best ways for husbands and wives to express love is by having sex together. Right now, sex may be something that is enjoyable for you, but not something you think a lot about or need that often. However, when you understand that sex is an opportunity for you to express love to your husband, in a very practical way, it will become more important to you and will always rate high on your list of priorities. Plus, the more you choose to initiate sex, the more enjoyable, fun, and fulfilling it will be for you too - not just for your husband.
3. Sex will be more fulfilling for both you and your husband.
Come on, being intimate is enjoyable, fun, and meaningful. That is how it is supposed to be.
When you make an effort to initiate and be completely engaged, sex becomes a much more positive and fulfilling experience for both of you. You don't have to fake it or force it - just enjoy it. When you feel like you are really fulfilling your husband in deep ways, you will recognize how much having sex with him fulfills you.
As you and your husband both realize that you are initiating sex more, it will send a message that you both care deeply about each other, want to help each other, and want to enjoy each other. When you are excited about making love, your husband will be doubly excited about it in return.
1. Beat him to it.
If your husband is always making the advances on you (you know what I'm talking about - you climb in bed, lights out, and he kisses you, or cuddles up to you, and you know what he wants), beat him to it! Just like this awesome lionness in the picture on the right, take the lead and make advances on your husband. Be the first one to start kissing him, running your fingers through his hair, and letting him know that you don't want to go to sleep just yet. Make an effort to beat him to it on a regular basis.
2. Let him know that you are planning on it.
When you say good-bye to your husband in the morning, give him a big fat kiss and let him know you are excited for when he comes home. Send him a text or email and remind him that you want to have some intimate time together that night. Tell him (words are important) that you enjoy being with him and love that time you have together. Talk about it. Let the expectation be known that you want to have sex more, or at least that you care about it more than you cared about it yesterday. And the reason you care about it so much now is because you care about your husband, you love him deeply, and you want him to know that.
3. Show up.
Get ready. If you aren't in the mood, get in the mood. Pretty yourself up a bit. Turn on some music. Give your husband a massage. Smell nice. And be involved the whole time. Make this an experience about serving your husband and meeting his needs, and your needs will be met in return. You don't have to be over-the-top involved or pretend to be super excited/passionate - just be you, but care a little more. Give a little more. Try a little harder to stay focused and involved (don't think about your list of things that need to be done).
I'm certainly not promoting the idea that you are an object for your husband's pleasure. Rather, I'm emphasizing the importance of you stepping it up so that you never feel that way. So that you feel like you and your spouse contribute equally to the sexual relationship you share, and that you both feel fulfilled and connected.
So remember, what your husband really wants is for you to WANT to have sex with him - for sex to be an experience that you share together, not just a one-sided quick act of love. Not that that kind of loving isn't needed at times, too.
In all of this, please don't get overwhelmed. Your husband isn't expecting (or wanting) you to initiate sex every single night. Just try to do it on a regular basis - however the two of you choose to define that. You can do it.
Finally, it's important to remember the purpose for physical intimacy. It's a chance for you and your spouse to truly give yourselves to each other, and to trust each other completely; a time for you to show your spouse how much you love them and how much they mean to you; a time to truly be selfless.
When you decide to initiate sex more, you will find that intimacy becomes much more beautiful, unifying, and fulfilling. Give it try. Your husband is sure to go crazy about it. And who knows, just in trying you may find that your thoughts, feelings, and desires for sex change in very positive ways. All to the nurturing of your marriage.
“Love is the greatest gift when given. It is the highest honor when received.”
- Fawn Weaver
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