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Touch - A Simple Key to a Happy Marriage

8/3/2016

25 Comments

 
This article was written for me - I need more non-sexual touch from my husband. It helps me feel loved and definitely helps get me in the mood! #marriage
I recently stumbled upon a fascinating paragraph from the book "Love is a Decision," by Gary Smalley & John Trent. It caught my eye because I agree with it whole-heartedly. As I've done a bit more research, I've realized how true this tip is for BOTH men and women.

So, what was the tip that caught my eye and that may immediately improve your physical and emotional relationship with your spouse? 

It was this:

"...8 to 10 meaningful touches a day is really a minimum requirement for a woman [or man] to stay emotionally and physically healthy." (Love is a Decision, page 147)


This statement was obviously referring to women alone, but I think it applies equally to men.

8 to 10? Can you imagine how close, intimate, and connected you would feel with your spouse if you both made the intentional effort to touch each other in some small way, whenever you saw each other throughout the day?

Talk about a way to get "in the mood!"

Talk about a way to feel safe, secure, and content in your relationship!

According to love experts, Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz,

"The simple truth is, the best marriages engage in a lot of touching, and sex is only one form of touching."


Yes, you read that right. "Sex is only ONE form of touching." So, what are the other forms and why are they important? There are so many different ways to touch your spouse, but here are 25 to try this week.
Ah, physical touch - especially non-sexual touch - is so so so stinking important to a healthy and happy marriage! I loved this article - especially the tip about 8 to 10 touches a day!

25 Ways to Touch Your Spouse This Week

1. Squeeze his bum.
2. Kiss his cheek.
3. Put your arm around her.
4. Hold his hand.
5. Play footsies.
6. Rub his leg.
7. Touch her elbow.
8. Run your fingers through his hair.
9. Rub her back.
10. Give him a bear hug and don't let go.
11. Run your fingers over her cheek.
12. Kiss his neck.
Ah, physical touch - especially non-sexual touch - is so so so stinking important to a healthy and happy marriage! I loved this article - especially the tip about 8 to 10 touches a day!
13. Put your arm around her waist.
14. Hug him from behind and put your cheek next to his.
15. Kiss her on the lips. Gently.
16. Rub his arm.
17. Touch your forehead to hers.
18. Rest your head on his shoulder.
19. Dance with her.
20. Whisper in his ear.
21. Sit close together.
22. Spoon together in bed.
23. Give him a scalp massage.
24. Hold her face in your hands and stare in her eyes.
​25. Squeeze his hand.
So, what is it about touch and happy marriages?! According to Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz, it's “the accumulation of touching” that matters." (here)

The accumulation of genuine, sincere affection between spouses can nurture friendship, invite emotional security, and make the act of sex more meaningful and satisfying. 

In an L.A. Times article from 1985 (can you believe they have those articles archived and online?!), Ann Landers was asked about a non-scientific survey that she received more than 100,000 responses to! What Ann learned from her survey was that, "The importance of sex is overrated. Women want affection. They want to feel valued. Apparently, having sex alone doesn't give them the feeling they're valued." (here)

The same often applies to men. 

Both men & women crave affection and want to feel valued.

Sex can provide those affirmations IF regular, loving touch is a normal part of the everyday marriage relationship.

So, take this as a reminder to nurture your marriage this week by touching your spouse - at least 8 to 10 times a day! If you do, you can be certain that within a very short period of time you may notice that your communication is improving, your sex life is more fulfilling, and your marriage is finally starting to feel like you always hoped it would.

​Photo Credit: Ashley Swenson Photo

You may also enjoy 3 Secrets to a Happy Marriage and 4 of the Best Marriage Books
25 Comments
CJ
8/5/2016 08:49:39 am

Oh how my heart yearns for physical touch. Been married 20-plus years and my wife has disconnected so much from me over the past 5 to 6 years. Been going to counseling for more than a year and I know I am not perfect by any means, but my heart breaks and aches every day for physical touch (hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, sitting on the couch together), but my wife is in such a bad place that she refuses to bless this to me (thinks I will continue to smother her and be "clingy" and "needy").

Physical touch -- along with words of affirmation/encouragement -- are two areas that I have prayed and longed for for such a long, long, long time.

Wives (and husbands), do not EVER refuse touch to your spouse or not let her/him know your love by words EVERY day. Otherwise -- much like I am -- you just wither and die inside by a thousands cuts to the heart. It isn't one constant stab of the knife, but just a little daily cuts that shatter the spirit, destroy the soul and leave your spouse wondering why it is even worth it to stay in a marriage that has nothing but cold, hardness, resent and bitterness.

Reply
FS
6/9/2017 08:38:39 pm

CJ thank you for sharing your experience of your marriage. I feel for you and wanted you to know that you are not alone. It's sad when people use marriage to hurt or to get at their spouses. I read somewhere that less than 25% of married couples know what real love is in their relationship. That probably means that most are abusive or cold. I often wonder if those that have a loving marriage see or understand those that don't.

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9/3/2021 09:32:15 pm

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Shirley Poole link
8/5/2016 02:01:33 pm

Wow!! What another great article, advice and suggestion for enhancing a fabulous marriage! I simply love these articles, because it really helps me to fall in love all over again, every day!
Thank you!!

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Aaron & April link
8/10/2016 08:19:16 pm

Shirley,

Thank you for your kind words! We are glad they are blessing your marriage!

Aaron & April

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Prinsz Photography link
9/13/2016 08:14:17 am

Stunning article! Wandering the worldwide web for some inspiring ideas for my wedding couples I stumbled on this magnificent article. I will definitely just a few of these pointers with my beloved wife. I will keep following you for more interesting articles. Keep up with the fantastic work!

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Beth
10/2/2016 02:35:23 pm

First, I have to admit that always using the term "marriage" instead of "romantic relationship" makes me hesitant to share some of these articles.

However, this list is perfect, and I pinned it to our Intimacy board. Even though we aren't together right now. Reading more from the Gottmans is helping me understand our issues, but honestly, overall, our relationship was 90% perfect, and this is one of the areas we were both perfect in. So, it makes me happy and sad at the same time, to know that some couples struggle with this, but stay together, but there are other couples who could have written the list who don't stay together.

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4/10/2017 04:02:26 am

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4/10/2017 06:00:14 pm

Thanks, Jonathan!

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  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
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