The Answer is More Sex

Written by Aaron & April Jacob

Marriage.

That beautiful thing that can be so rewarding and so frustrating, so exciting and so boring, so hard and so natural, so real and so raw, so ugly and so beautiful, and so yours to own, nurture, and take care of.

Couples the world over have marriage problems. Big ones and small ones. 

We're here to offer a very simple, almost too simple, answer to the majority of your past, present, and future marriage problems - at least the petty ones. (**Now, there may be deep, hard, and big issues you and your spouse are currently facing. We're not here to say this is the one cure-all answer to your problems, because in specific situations, it may not be, but read on and see if it can help.) 

This one simple suggestion may help you more than you realize. 

The answer is more sex.

Yes, the answer is sex.
More sex.
Your marriage needs more sex.

Simple, right? 

Let us explain.

Problem: My wife annoys me. 
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My husband spends too much money.
Answer: More sex.

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Problem: My wife nags me every day.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My husband is always late to everything.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My wife is a big flirt (with other men). 
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My husband is super busy and stressed all the time.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My wife is always impatient with me.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My husband never helps around the house.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My wife bosses me around.
Answer: More sex.

Problem: My husband never talks to me.
​Answer: More sex.

Okay, okay, we hear you, this is waaaay to simplistic, with an over emphasis on sex, you say? 

Our response?

Try it. 

Just try it. For a month.

Be more intentional about enjoying more sex with your sweetheart. 

It's always shocking to us when we find out how often couples have sex, or rather don't have sex (think weeks, months, and sometimes longer!). 
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Now, this article isn't about putting a number on things, or telling you when you should or shouldn't have sex, because sex is intimate in the highest sense of the word, and only you and your spouse know how much sex your relationship needs.

However, if you and your spouse are struggling with petty problems in your marriage, then we would guess that your relationship needs more sex than it is currently getting. 

So, why is more sex the answer? 

The reason we are encouraging you and your spouse to enjoy more sex with each other is not because we believe sex is a band-aid, or that sex helps you escape your problems, or any other foolish idea like that. 

1. More sex is the answer because sex connects.

More than anything else in your marriage, sex unites and connects you as husband and wife, bringing you closer together than you ever could be without it. That is one of the major purposes FOR sex - to help couples connect on the deepest of levels. 

And connection is probably what you are lacking, and wanting, most of all in your marriage.

The connection and closeness made available through sexual intimacy enables couples to achieve a level of satisfaction and companionship in their marriage that can strengthen them when the storms of life come along. This bond and closeness between spouses ripples throughout and impacts every other aspect of a marriage.

So, when a husband and a wife connect regularly through sex, other changes start to happen. 

READ: TOUCH - A SIMPLE KEY TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

2. More sex is the answer because being intentional about sex helps couples become more intentional about other aspects of their marriage. 
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Somehow, slowly, as both the husband and wife find deep connection through sex, they start to change. And that change in themselves, changes the way they act towards each other. 

When couples become intentional about one aspect of their relationship - sexual intimacy - they start to become intentional about other aspects of their relationship like date night, routines and rituals, and the little ways they express love and affection. 

Perhaps the change comes from the emotional connection these two develop, or from the talking that happens before and after sex; or perhaps it comes outside of the bedroom, during the ordinary parts of every life. How it comes doesn't matter as much as the fact that it does come. 

She is reminded of what a gentle, good, and loving man he is and she becomes more patient with him when he runs late.

He realizes how much his wife cares deeply about him and it helps him feel safe and secure, and not so stressed (which also helps him not spend so much money, since he is an emotional-shopper). 

She starts to feel affection and love from her husband, and becomes aware of the lines she has crossed by flirting with other men. She vows to be loyal in word and deed and pours more of her heart and soul into taking care of her marriage.

He starts to help around the house more. She starts nagging less. He opens up more and starts sharing his thoughts and feelings. She gives him more attention, encourages him, and compliments him more. He becomes less annoyed with her and more in love with her. She finds simple things she can do to ease his stress and workload.

These changes happen because,

Sex connects.
Sex reminds.
Sex inspires.
Sex motivates.
Sex nurtures.
Sex unites.
Sex heals.

Yes, in a very indirect way, sex heals marital problems. It heals them because it changes the way spouses see each other, feel about each other, and treat each other.

READ: 10 WAYS OF SHOWING COMPLETE FIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

3. More sex is the answer because sex invites selflessness.

Perhaps the most important reason that "more sex" is the answer, is because sex requires you to give. And in giving, you always receive more.

Giving requires you to be selfless, not selfish. And selflessness is key to a happy, well-nurtured marriage.

Yes, it is in the giving, sharing, and connecting on such an intimate and vulnerable level, that helps love grow more fully, more deeply, and more simply. And that kind of selfless love can fix most marital problems - at least the petty, common ones caused by selfishness.

So, be more selfless. Focus on your spouse. On his or her needs, worries, desires, struggles, and joys. Find ways to serve, inspire, lift, and encourage your spouse in and out of the bedroom. 

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, sex is about connection. It's about unity. It's about closeness. It's about intentionality. It's about a deep, selfless kind of love. It's about true intimacy between husband and wife.

Yes, sex, this beautiful and sacred act, has a magical way of helping couples feel more in love than ever before. 

So, give it a try. More sex. More love. More happiness. More connection. 

Fewer petty marital problems. 

**One final note, sex is obviously not the ONLY solution to petty marital problems. Obviously. It is just one strategy we want to encourage couples to try. 

Photo Credit: Crooze Photography

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