How to Fall In Love Again

Written by Aaron & April Jacob

​So you want to fall in love again (with your spouse, of course)? Bravo! Things are lacking a bit of luster these days, are they? You're not alone. If you've been married more than a few years there's a good chance that those butterfly feelings have flitted away as you and your spouse have grown "used" to each other.

You might be saying to yourself, "But, I'm already married...can we really fall in love again, like back in the day?" Of course you can! 

Enter, scientific intervention that will make you "fall in love," with your spouse all over again...voila! Trust us, this experiment is something you have to at least try - it's pretty cool. 

I recently stumbled upon this article (loved it), which tested out this study by Arthur Aron. It's all really quite fascinating when you apply it to married life.

So, here are the requirements for my version of the "experimental study." 

• Go to a romantic place. 
• Sit across from your husband or wife.
• Ask each other a series of questions  (here). (For more great questions that invite a deeply intimate and emotional connection, check out our new marriage devotional book here!)
• Stare into each other's eyes for four minutes. 

Pretty simple, right? All with the goal of a closer connection and deeper sense of intimacy and attachment to your spouse. Dreamy, right? 

Just think of it - you're going to take your spouse to dinner, and you're both going to act like you did before he snored so loudly, she cluttered up your desk, and there always seemed to be another bill to pay. 

You're going to sit across from each other and coyly, openly, and refreshingly talk over dinner. And into dessert. And beyond. You're not going to talk about how the food tastes, or what you need to do in the yard tomorrow, or something your neighbor told you. Rather, you're going to actually have a real, deep, meaningful conversation again. Shocking, I know. None of this sit-across-from-each-other-and-make-small-talk thing that married couples in restaurants do these days. 

You are going to ask each other 36 questions over the course of an hour and a half (or more), and have a quality conversation. It's going to be renewing... and awesome.

And it's going to be intimate. 

Why? Because you'll be connecting on a deeper, more emotional level again. And you know what? 

That's attractive. Super attractive! 

That connection is going to attract you to each other in ways you have long forgotten. The flame will be rekindled. Just trust me. 

Next, you are going to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes straight. Yes, stare for four straight minutes. You may feel silly, but do it. Set a timer. No talking. 

Try sitting somewhere romantic where you can look deep into each other's souls, I mean eyes, and just let yourself feel. Can you feel that natural attraction growing? 

Fascinating, isn't it? It's romantic too (perhaps more romantic after you get over the awkwardness, or giggles).

If you feel like holding hands all the way home, kissing, and then some, then our little experiment was a success! 

Now, science doesn't have all the answers, and there is a whole lot more to love than this experiment, but one thing is for sure - deep intimate and emotional connections attract us to people. So, if you want to be attracted to your spouse, and to fall in love again, then find a way to strengthen your intimate and emotional connection with them.

When you re-kindle that connection with your spouse - the same connection that kept you up late at night talking on the phone back in the day, and dying to see each other again, and greeting each other with hugs and kisses every time you were together again - then you can have confidence that your marriage is going to be a good one, and that your love will carry you through all the ups and downs that inevitably will come. 

p/c top: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels; bottom: Jason Corey Photography

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