Your wife craves affection from you. She literally needs more of it than you are currently offering. And of course, you have your needs to, but this article is about learning to give your wife the affection she craves. You may think you just aren't the affectionate type, but take heart, you can become the affectionate type. It's true. It's going to take practice. It will feel awkward and perhaps not-too-genuine at first, but with time, it will become real affection, the kind that comes from the heart. And she'll know it.
Some of these ideas may seem cheesy and mushy-gushy, but men, cheesy and mushy-gushy is exactly what your wife craves. Even if she says she doesn't. She craves romance. She needs to know you are madly in love with her. So, how do you let her know? How do you meet that deep craving she has to feel your love for her? To be confident in your love for her? To feel absolutely safe, adored, and cherished in your presence? Be that guy. The super affectionate, non-sexual touchy, complimentary and adoring guy. Be that guy. Become that guy.
You may need to think back to the kinds of things you did for her when you were dating...things that may not come so naturally anymore.
Willard F. Harley, Jr., author of His Needs, Her Needs, Building an Affair Proof Marriage, defines affection as:
"Expressing love in words, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and courtesies, creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses love."
So, here's a guarantee for you - try all of the following five things this next week, and see if your feelings for your wife don't improve. Dramatically. See, the funny thing is that you will be doing all of these things for her, for her feelings, but in the process of focusing on her - your feelings will change. And that, my friends, is the magic of marriage. Give and take. Give and take. But mostly give.
Without further adieu, here are the five ideas you need to try this week.
1. Say "I love you," at least three times a day. Yes, three times.
Say it. Even if the words seem to choke on the way up. Get them out. You can say, "I love you," when you see her coming out of the bathroom first thing in the morning. Or call her up on your way to work, after just having said good-bye, and just say it. Or send her an email during the day telling her three things you love about her. Wrap your arms around her while she is doing something in the kitchen, and whisper, "I love you." Leave a note or letter in her car telling her you love her. Use your favorite nick name for her. Text her. Tell her just before she falls asleep. Say it when you are in line at the grocery store together. Just say it. At LEAST three times a day, if not more. And mean it.
2. Express your love and adoration of her in public. Yes, public.
One of the best ways to help your wife feel like you adore her is to claim her as your own in public. It's funny how some people (most of them probably without even realizing it), once at a public gathering, or out to dinner with friends, or even at the grocery store, all of a sudden seem to pretend like they don't belong with their spouse. Come on. Don't make that mistake.
Let everyone know she is yours and that you love her. You don't have to be over the top, just be mindful of her. Open her door. Wink at her. Talk to her. Steal a kiss or two. Introduce her to people you may be with. Speak highly of her when you are talking together in a group.
If you happen to be reunited again in public, make a big deal out of it. Make sure she is the first person you greet and go up to. Don't just nod and say or do nothing. Give her a hug. Give her a compliment. Hold her hand and ask her how she has been. Make people around you think you two must be love-birds who are dating and haven't experienced the "harsh-reality," of married life yet. Prove them wrong.
Showing affection for your wife when you are with other people will make her feel like a million bucks and fill her with a deep sense of gratitude for the amazing guy she married.
3. Make gifts and surprises the norm. Yes, the norm.
Bring her flowers. Or chocolate. Or gum. Or ice cream. Or a new shirt. Or anything she would love. It doesn't have to be expensive, and you don't even have to buy it (homemade gifts are the bomb), but those little outward expressions will let her know that you are thinking about her, and that you actually care that she exists and that you are so lucky she is your wife.
A husband I know recently won huge affection-thoughtful-adoring-husband-points by surprising his wife with a trip to Europe. They both love to travel, and he thoughtfully spent nine-months planning an excursion to Europe. He took care of every detail including babysitting for the kids, all while never saying a word. The morning of the trip arrived. He woke his wife up and said, "Get dressed, go shopping, we leave for Europe tonight." Needless to say, there were ugly tears involved - happy, ugly tears. And then a day spent bustling around preparing for a surprise getaway to Europe. I'm pretty sure all the husbands that heard about this trip (from their wives) were upset at their buddy for setting such a high husband-standard...but really? This guy was thoughtful about showing his wife how much he cared and did so by planning a trip she would love.
Now, you don't have to plan a big trip, but maybe you could plan a surprise date night and surprise your wife with that. That would be good for starters. Do it.
4. Use non-sexual touch to help her feel your love. Yes, non-sexual touch.
Your wife LOVES non-sexual touch. You may just think that touch is touch, but to her, touch is often a simple gesture of love. Give her a massive hug the next time you see her. Put your hand around her waist as you are walking down the street. Hold her face in your hands while you kiss her once and tell her she is beautiful.
Sit next to her on the couch and touch her knee while you talk. Hold her hand in the car. Tickle her. Or just poke her (she loves when you flirt with her). Swat her bum as you walk by. Scratch her back before you go to bed. You get the picture?
Now, the purpose of non-sexual touch is to express love, and the intention should be just that. However, it may just (naturally) lead your wife to want to be more affectionate with you, which naturally will lead to a more fulfilling experience together the next time you make love. And that is a win-win for both of you. Right?
5. Tell her how beautiful she is daily, in public and in private. Yes, daily.
Try any of the following comments at least twice a day. "Man, you are gorgeous." "I love being married to such a pretty woman." "Sheesh, I'm pretty sure you are the most beautiful woman on this earth." "You look stunning." Or if you are just starting out and want to appear more normal you could try comments like this, "I like that top." "You look good." "Your hair looks nice."
She may laugh, say something like, "Oh, come on," and brush it off, but secretly she is eating is up. Soaking it up. And feeling that her deep craving for affection is starting to be met. Well, done.
There you have it. Five real ways to help meet your wife's craving for affection. Just remember, real affection, the kind your wife craves, the kind that comes from your heart, is the kind of affection that will bind you to your wife in a deep and meaningful and surprisingly satisfying way. And that feeling alone should be worth all the awkwardness that being mushy-gushy might make you feel.
You may also like 5 Ways to Meet Your Husband's Most Basic Needs
Photo Credit: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels
“Love is the greatest gift when given. It is the highest honor when received.”
- Fawn Weaver
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