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3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner

5/16/2018

22 Comments

 
an encouraging read for sure. 3 Reasons to KEEP TRYING to be Intimate with Your Partner - There you are, having a nice, relaxing evening sitting with your significant other watching a movie. You feel like the mood is right and you lean in for that kiss….only to have your partner quickly move the other direction or make a sarcastic comment back to you. Perhaps this particular scenario has never happened to you but almost anyone who has been in a relationship has experienced some form of rejection when they’ve attempted to initiate intimacy. Whether it’s a rejected kiss or a feeling that your spouse never wants to engage in sex anymore, sometimes it may feel like continuing to make these attempts is fruitless and frustrating. However, new research by the RELATE team of scholars has found that these attempts, even if unsuccessful, may actually help your relationship. Here are three important findings from a new study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Dr. Brian Willoughby and colleagues that may encourage you to continue your intimacy attempts:
Written by The Relate Institute
There you are, having a nice, relaxing evening sitting with your significant other watching a movie. You feel like the mood is right and you lean in for that kiss….only to have your partner quickly move the other direction or make a sarcastic comment back to you. Perhaps this particular scenario has never happened to you but almost anyone who has been in a relationship has experienced some form of rejection when they’ve attempted to initiate intimacy. Whether it’s a rejected kiss or a feeling that your spouse never wants to engage in sex anymore, sometimes it may feel like continuing to make these attempts is fruitless and frustrating. However, new research by the RELATE team of scholars has found that these attempts, even if unsuccessful, may actually help your relationship. Here are three important findings from a new study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Dr. Brian Willoughby and colleagues that may encourage you to continue your intimacy attempts:
Attempting intimacy, even without it actually being successful, is linked to improved relationship satisfaction for the partner attempting to be intimate.
If you try to be intimate but your partner says no, you may feel rejected in the moment when your partner doesn’t return your desire for intimacy. However, in the long run, research suggests you may actually feel better about your relationship. How can that be true? This is probably because as you continue to attempt intimacy, not all such advances are rejected and those that lead to intimacy create moments of bonding and connection. While it may be frustrating when you get rejected, remember that next time the feeling may be more mutual. When partners get discouraged and stop trying to be intimate, relationships begin to develop deeper and more long-term problems.
3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate with Your Partner - There you are, having a nice, relaxing evening sitting with your significant other watching a movie. You feel like the mood is right and you lean in for that kiss….only to have your partner quickly move the other direction or make a sarcastic comment back to you. Perhaps this particular scenario has never happened to you but almost anyone who has been in a relationship has experienced some form of rejection when they’ve attempted to initiate intimacy. Whether it’s a rejected kiss or a feeling that your spouse never wants to engage in sex anymore, sometimes it may feel like continuing to make these attempts is fruitless and frustrating. However, new research by the RELATE team of scholars has found that these attempts, even if unsuccessful, may actually help your relationship. Here are three important findings from a new study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Dr. Brian Willoughby and colleagues that may encourage you to continue your intimacy attempts:
Attempting intimacy is also linked to higher relationship satisfaction for the partner who may reject the attempt.
Again, this may seem counterintuitive since your partner might have rejected your advance, but even if your partner isn’t in the mood for a make-out session or sex, the fact that you are showing interest in them likely bolsters their self-esteem and makes them feel better and more secure in your relationship. Even if no intimacy occurs, research has suggested that attempting to be intimate may still make your partner feel better about both you and the relationship.  And that will likely lead to long-term benefits for both of you.
​
Attempting intimacy is linked to lower conflict and better communication for both partners.
Not only can attempts to be intimate help with both partners’ perceptions of the relationship, it can actually help with the dynamics of the relationship as well. This is likely a two-way street. On the one hand, you will probably attempt intimacy in a relationship that already has positive communication and low conflict. But also, because the attempt to be intimate may help boost both partners’ satisfaction in the relationship, you may actually find yourself having better communication after such an attempt. This of course assumes that you don’t get pushy with your partner or let the rejection of intimacy lead to frustration or resentment.
Of course you should always keep in mind that none of this research is suggesting that you should push your partner into unwanted sexual or other intimate behaviors. In fact, Dr. Willoughby and his co-authors specifically discuss how sexual coercion was not a part of their study and should be avoided at all costs. However, these results do suggest that attempting intimacy with our romantic partner (even if we get rejected sometimes) may be an important part of normal and healthy relationship growth.  So next time you feel frustrated by the rejection of intimacy, take some solace in the fact that you might be improving your relationship health anyway!

​Remember, you can always learn more about your total relationship health by taking RELATE today.
Photo Credit: Crooze Photography 

You may also enjoy 52 Best Dates for New Parents or How to Fall in Love Again 
22 Comments
Bee
10/14/2016 08:31:24 pm

I may be too far gone but I really don't follow the logic of thus finding. My wife and I have great moments of intimacy, but I really struggle with moments of rejection. It send me on a self-loathing and sometimes destructive path. I really don't get how being rejected can lead to something positive.

Reply
H
11/18/2016 05:52:31 am

I totally agree with you. My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and I am so over initiating intimacy, because it's too painful to be rejected. I don't see the positive in this situation at all

Reply
Superfoot
11/28/2016 07:20:18 pm

Once you're married there's no more "I" ...only we. Your partner probably feels secure enough in the relationship to say no and it's also your prerogative to say no. Try being more perceptive to avoid rejection and a bruised ego or create a mood that cannot be refused. Put on cologne, light candles, have chocolate covered strawberries, put on some music & slow dance, give a massage, etc.

Reply
WG
3/21/2020 10:08:39 am

Agreed, but when those repeated bids for connection are rejected 98% of the time, it doesn't take long before the initiator quits making extraordinary efforts, then abandons baseline attempts, then quits trying at all.

lawrencia Hall
11/25/2020 12:32:34 pm

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Bella George
12/1/2020 06:59:19 am

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Reply
Cassie from True Agape link
5/13/2018 07:42:04 am

Intimacy is very important in a relationship. It helps strengthen the bond of the couple. I agree with all the points stated in the article. If the couple will not work on intimacy in their marriage, it will greatly affect the relationship.

Reply
scott smith
5/31/2018 06:26:51 am

Married 15 years and have been down this road and back again. The rejection hurts tremendously, especially when it builds to nothing compared to previous. Pushing more can also lead to more pushing back, so it's a slippery slope. The best scenario for both parties overall is to accept requests and not reject in general for almost anything as long as it's together and respectful. If an act of love for her is to watch a cheesy chick flick together and to pick up takeout for her, you should do it. If yours is to give a kiss and hug before an after work and be open to sex when initiated, they should do it. Problem is, both should be on the same page, but that doesn't change your responsibility to give regardless and have faith they will come around eventually.

Reply
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6/7/2018 10:41:25 pm

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katherine link
3/6/2020 08:16:16 am

Indeed, after communication intimacy is the second most important things in the relaitonship, Thanks for sharing such a beautiful piece.

Reply
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11/24/2020 07:26:49 am

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Bella George
12/1/2020 07:27:30 am

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Simon Patchin
12/4/2020 06:56:15 pm

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12/7/2020 10:43:55 pm

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1/7/2021 06:38:17 pm

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2/11/2021 09:51:12 am

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Simon Patchin
2/13/2021 04:59:33 am

I was married for 16 years to a loving mother and wife. We had 2 children together who are now 11 & 13. I reconnected with an old girlfriend from college on Facebook and we began an affair and I left my wife. The woman I had an affair with is a wonderful woman and I love her too and our kids had begun accepting the situation and my wife has kind of moved on, but not in love with the man she is seeing.. I thought I fell out of love with my wife and I felt terrible about what I did to her - she is a good woman and I don't know what came over me.. I decided to try and get her back and I was recommended to Lord Zakuza for help to get reunited with my wife and within 48 hours after I made contact with Lord Zakuza my wife decided to work things out with me and now we are back together with our children living as one happy family. I really don't know the words to use in appreciation of what Lord Zakuza did for me but I will say thank you sir for reuniting I and my family back.. For those in trying times with their marriages or relationship can WhatsApp Lord Zakuza for help or text with this number +1 740 573 9483 or you can send him an email to Lordzakuza7@gmail.com

Reply
Sophia Lucas
2/18/2021 04:22:56 am

How I Got My Ex Husband Back. Am so excited, All Thanks goes to Dr Prince i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy. it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me, doesn't have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an affair with another woman, I tried to stop him all my effort was in-vain suddenly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our kids, I cried all day, I was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. I read a comment on how Dr Prince helped a lady to brought her husband back, after 2yrs , He helped people with his Magic spell love and reuniting spell. so I decided to contact him and explain my problems to him, he did a love spell that made my husband to come back to me and never think of the woman. this man is God sent to restore heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and continue to use you to save people relationship and any problems contact him for help on princemagicspell@yahoo.com You can also contact him through his WhatsApp +19492293867. Contact him now for love spell to bring back your ex lover he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution to all relationship problems…

Reply
Cindy Anthony
2/23/2021 03:08:03 am

My husband changed dramatically towards me, doesn’t communicate anymore. He disrespects me and accuses me falsely of infidelity because of wicked gossip …but I’m simply AMAZED at the results of Dr. Todd who did reunion love spell for me. Everything is going so well and EXACTLY how he said it would be. Even though it took 3 days to fully progress, it was so worth it because things are just about at perfection! How he took my situation and completely turned it around to give me exactly what I wanted is beyond me, but something I will never question and just be completely grateful, God Bless Dr.Todd for turning sorrow happiness. Dr.Todd's contact; manifestspellcast @ gmail. com manifestspellcast.wordpress.com

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  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
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    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
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    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
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