Written by Aaron & April Jacob
We posted a quote recently that taught a very simple truth.
It claimed to purport the answer to the question of how to stay married no matter what. The solution? 
1. Stay married.
2. No matter what. Okay, not so simple you say? Or is it? Love is a choice. We recently attended a marriage class where the speaker said that she knew a woman who decided - after thinking about leaving her spouse - to stay. To make her decision once and for all, and to not have leaving be an option anymore. With that determination, her decision was made, and she wasn't turning back. We love that story. Each of us made a similar decision when we got married. Take a minute and think back to that day and how determined you were to keep a commitment you had no clue would test and try you in ways you couldn't even imagine. Each of us decided to stick together, to stay with our spouse, no matter what.** Well, how are you doing on that commitment of yours? What can you do differently? What changes might you need to make? Imagine, for instance, that you and your spouse have just had a disagreement late at night. Your feelings were hurt and there was no way you wanted to sleep next to your seemingly "thoughtless" spouse. In your head you wanted to run. You were out of there. Done. You wanted to go sleep in the other room. But a little voice in your head told you not to run. To just stay. And to stay in bed, right next to the spouse who had hurt your feelings. Possible? Ridiculous? Or a simply a choice? Is that what staying together looks like? Is this what happily ever afters are made of? Now, staying doesn't mean you have to stay up all night and work through the conflict. It simply means that you are choosing not to make the current issue a bigger problem than it is. You are choosing to cut the drama, to let the heat of the moment die down, and to simply stay put in the process. Why You Shouldn't Run We all have moments when we want to run. Whether we want to run out of the room, or out of the house, we just need out. The reasons why we do this vary from person to person but often it can be boiled down to one or two simple reasons. Reason #1 - I'm hurt and I can't handle this, I need out. This reason is pretty legit because we all need breaks and time outs from time to time. However, running away isn't the best option available. Reason #2 - The only way I know to let my spouse know how hurt I am is to run away and shut down. Does this sound like Reasons #1? It's because it is pretty much the same thing, just worded differently, and adding the part about letting your spouse know you are overwhelmed. We usually run away when we are flooded with emotions that we don't know how to handle. However, running away still isn't the best option available. Calm down? Yes. Take a break? Yes. But run away? Nope. In fact, running is simply a negative pattern of dealing with conflict - a pattern you don't want to continue if you want your marriage to last. Why? Because in almost every situation, running away never helps. In fact, in exacerbates the problem, invites drama into the marriage relationship, and makes things far worse and "bigger" than they really should be. So, what should do you instead of run? READ: MARRIAGE IS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE 
If You Are a Runner
Our advice here is simple - Stop running. Just stop. Choose to not run away, but to take responsibility and to face your problems head on. This means that the next time you are tempted to run into the other room, or to run downstairs, or to run to Dairy Queen - "Stop it," and simply choose to stay with your spouse. You can make that choice. You really can. Will you make it? Just make the choice to NOT leave. No matter how frustrated, angry, irritated, annoyed, or upset you are, just choose to stay. READ: CONFLICT IS A NORMAL AND NATURAL PART OF YOUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER It's really that easy. Well, almost that easy. Once you decide to stop the "running behavior" that may be harming your relationship, you need to be able to replace it with a more positive way to handle conflict. Just remember, NOT running away is a good place to start. You also may need some coaching on how to handle - and not run from - tough or painful emotions. (Read about how Ashlynn & Coby use "The Emotion Wheel" here.) It's okay to just feel. Now a Few Words if Your Spouse is a Runner If your spouse is a runner, please note that it isn't your responsibility to chase your spouse, or try to fix everything (However, that may be the very thing your spouse wants - to be chased and held and hugged and protected.) If, during conflict, you are able to stay in a calmer place emotionally, where you can see more clearly, then please do what you can to help your spouse calm down! This doesn't mean that you should feel manipulated by your spouse to try and make things better, or that it is your job to give them all the attention in the world when they choose to run, but there are a few things you can do to help! 1. Don't let them go. Be humble enough to ask them to stay. Not in a controlling way, or a "Pleeease don't leave me," begging kind of way, but in an I love-you-let's-keep-the-drama-down kind of way. Something as simple as "Please don't sleep in the other room, I'm sorry for what I said," can go a long way towards helping you both feel reconnected and ready to apologize. 2. If they do run, text him/her and apologize. Ask them to come back and work through things. And if they really ran - and left the house - tell them to bring you a milkshake back (Humor is always a good idea in marriage!). 3. Calling your spouse on the phone is also a good idea. The runner will probably ignore your calls, but inwardly he/she will appreciate that you called. 4. When they return to your presence/room/home, offer a hug, forgiveness, an apology, and a simple way for them to feel safe and loved. Even if you feel this is all their fault, you can choose to do your part to stay together no matter what, too! 5. Talk about how running hurts you and hurts him/her and commit to finding better solutions and developing the skills necessary to positively handle the conflict in your marriage better next time. Marriage counseling or coaching is always a great idea if you find the right approach and the right counselor/coach. In summary, running away escalates any marital conflict and choosing not to run quickly de-escalates any marital conflict. Like we said before, this isn't an end-all cure-all answer for runners or those who are married to runners. We all have our own ways of dealing with conflict and we all have part "runner" in us (Think about how often you "run away" from your problems with different strategies - taking a bath, spending money, watching a show - or six, taking a nap, eating junk food, etc) that we need to work at overcoming. READ: SIX WAYS TO CONNECT AFTER A LONG DAY So the next time conflict rears its ugly head in your marriage, make #onesmallchange and simply choose to stop running and to start staying. Then you can avoid "bigger" conflict, begin the process of reconciliation, and arrive at joy a lot more quickly than you could if you ran. That one simple change may be just the start you need to begin nurturing your marriage in very real and practical ways this week. Yes, choosing to stay when you want to run is what "staying together" and "happily ever afters" look like. You see, choosing to stay means that you are also ready to make other choices and changes that will nurture your marriage today and in the future. And those simple changes will make all the difference in creating the marriage of your dreams. Happy nurturing. ~ Aaron & April **We're not saying there aren't times when divorce is the only acceptable and realistic answer.
36 Comments
C z
1/20/2018 02:57:21 pm
When you have a spouse who physically intimidates you, has punched walls or broken things in the past, apologies don't cut it anymore. The trust has been violated. Staying in a marriage like this for 15 years has been no life worth living. Better to get away and start loving yourself.
Dawn
1/27/2018 12:34:33 pm
Yes. Know exactly how you feel. Did you get away?
Bella George
12/1/2020 07:25:22 am
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108
Elisa Keily
5/27/2021 01:12:57 am
REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE
Clara James
8/5/2022 09:49:46 am
REAL LOVE SPELL CASTER PRIEST WISDOM THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP.TEXT OR ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP: +2348124644470
Alysia LeFevre
11/7/2018 08:35:43 pm
I'm not married so what the Hell am I supposed to do?
Fattlad
1/20/2019 12:38:15 am
A marriage where only one person has been the one trying to let it work out and even at the same time loosing self esteem and value worth staying? No.
Runaway
2/5/2020 01:53:59 am
My husband has been cheating on me for almost 7 years. He admits it when he's caught And proud of it. As a narcissist he says it's my fault. Had I done... Or if I said.... It always comes back to me.
Josephine
5/14/2020 09:52:55 pm
I’ve gotten back with my ex husband with the help of Dr.hope the best spell caster online and i highly recommends Dr.hope to anyone in need of help!.. I want to testify of how i got back my husband after he breakup with me, we have been together for 3 years, recently i found out my husband was having an affair with another woman, when i confronted him, it led to quarrels and he finally broke up with me, i tried all i could to get him back but all to no avail until i saw a post in a relationship forum about a spell caster who helps people get back their lost love through Love spell, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via his email, and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me. Then from that day, our relationship was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to DR.hope. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the Internet that Dr.hope real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Solutiontemple82@gmail.com or you can also call him or add him on WhatsApp: +2347062815105 THANKS TO DR hope..god bless your good work sir.
Bella George
12/1/2020 07:26:08 am
HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108
Veronica
12/8/2020 04:10:07 pm
Diamond Green
1/29/2021 02:00:00 pm
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances. I give God all the glory for bringing Lord Zakuza into my life for helping me get my wife back that got me divorced for one year. I was the last person on earth to accept the fact that spells exist or work not until I was referred to Lord Zakuza online to who has helped so many people with his powerful spells. I had no other option than to give it a try because 3 months after the divorce, I was demoted at my place of work due to depression for I don't know what to do to get her back but thank God today for using Lord Zakuza to get my happiness and love life back within 48 hours. Just last week here, I was promoted back to my position and I'm here to share my own experience with this man called Lord Zakuza. I don't know what you are going through today but know that in all situation there's always a way out. Lord Zakuza also prepares spells like Lottery spell, job spell, spell to stop a divorce, spell cure for any diseases, protection spell, spell to become successful and wealthy E.T.C. Contact him now for any help via WHATSAPP MESSENGER or SIGNAL MESSENGER on: +1 740-573-9483 and Email on: Lordzakuza7@gmail.com
Simon Patchin
2/19/2021 01:22:00 am
I was married for 16 years to a loving mother and wife. We had 2 children together who are now 11 & 13. I reconnected with an old girlfriend from college on Facebook and we began an affair and I left my wife. The woman I had an affair with is a wonderful woman and I love her too and our kids had begun accepting the situation and my wife has kind of moved on, but not in love with the man she is seeing.. I thought I fell out of love with my wife and I felt terrible about what I did to her - she is a good woman and I don't know what came over me. I decided to try and get her back and I was recommended to Lord Zakuza for help to get reunited with my wife and within 48 hours after I made contact with Lord Zakuza my wife decided to work things out with me and now we are back together with our children living as one happy family. I really don't know the words to use in appreciation of what Lord Zakuza did for me but I will say thank you sir for reuniting I and my family back. For those in trying times with their marriages or relationship can WhatsApp Lord Zakuza for help or text with this number +1 740-573-9483 or you can send him an email to Lordzakuza7@gmail.com
Elisa Keily
5/27/2021 01:13:56 am
REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE
Joyce Bang
5/28/2021 03:30:01 pm
This year has been so blissful to me for God has given me a reason to live happily again after been heart broken for 3 months when my husband neglected me and went back to he's mistress. I suffered and went through all types of emotional tortures for I couldn't get any help to get my man back not until I was refereed to Lord Zakuza by my co-worker who gave me her full assurance about him that he can be of help to me. I got in touch with Lord Zakuza and I hearken to his words and followed the instructions given to me by him. Could you believe that my husband got back home within 48 hours as said by him and today, my marriage is restored & I'm so thankful, appreciative & grateful to God for using Lord Zakuza to get my man back after 3 months of broken marriage. Is there anyone out there who needs to get back to he's or her lover back or needs any help of any kind? Then, I suggest that you get in touch with Lord Zakuza now through his Email ID: Lordzakuza7@gmail.com or WhatsApp him on + 1 (740) 573–9483 and for more information, here's his website: lordzakuzaspells.com
KATHRINE MELNICK
6/5/2021 05:50:10 am
BEST URGENT EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET YOUR EX/HUSBAND/WIFE BACK FAST AND TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE NOW CONTACT LORD ZULU ON WHATSAPP DIRECTLY +1 (424) 361‑7554
I'm so proud to be out here sharing your work Dr. Obadan. I just can't believe this now my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees presenting a ruby rose begging me to take him back. And this whole miracle happened after i ordered an urgent 24hours love spell, if you need any kind of relationship help like this contact him for help. @dr_obadan +2348109506451 dr.obadantemple@gmail.com
Nana Holland
6/22/2021 02:02:01 pm
If your dream is to get your lost love back and you’re facing problem and it then surely astrology based remedies make you getting your lost love back easy and possible
CLARA ROBERT
7/8/2021 02:33:13 am
I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored and my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband have been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. Every day and night I think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Oniha can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it, then he did a (Love spell) for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he misses me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day, our Marriage was now stronger than how it was before, All thanks to Dr Oniha.I will continue to tell everyone about how your spell works Dr Oniha because you are a God sent to me. You can also contact him if you need help to solve your problem, he will be of help to you. onihaspelltemple@gmail.com. You can also call or Call/WhatsApp him on his number +16692213962 website www.onihaspells.com
Felipe Dylan
7/27/2021 04:02:30 pm
To anyone out there who thinks love spells don't work, I’m here to tell you that Lord Zakuza love spell is the best and most powerful. I am a wealthy man who has lots of assets and possessions but I have difficulty with women. Whenever I try to settle down with any, we end up breaking up and I had no idea of why I was going through such an experience in my relationship. It was so worrying that I couldn’t be myself anymore and I started searching for help everywhere even at my place of work. I was going through my work activities online and I came across a testimony of a lady called ( Febe Anouk ) regarding how Lord Zakuza helped her to restore her relationship with his love spell, I had to give it a try because I needed my Ex lover back that I love so much. I visited Lord Zakuza website online and I told him everything I was going through. Lord Zakuza consoled me and promised to help me out with my situation by preparing a love spell for me. I followed the instructions given by him to me and within 48 hours, my Ex lover came looking for me and pleaded for forgiveness. Since I came in contact with Lord Zakuza, things have changed for good in my life and right now, I am married with two beautiful kids and my home is blessed. All thanks to Lord Zakuza I am forever thankful to you. Visit his website for any help via lordzakuzaspells.com or WhatsApp him on +1 740-573-9483. Try him and your life will be blessed. 9/20/2021 03:11:32 am
I would gladly tell you all that i was able to put an end to my divorce issue and restore my marriage again, because i never wanted it to happen. i don't know what came over my husband that he was filling for divorce, i tried to talk him out of it but he didn't listen to me, i had no other option than to seek for the help in any where I could think of and went to the length of contacting DR. ISI and now am glad I did ask for help from him. Because if not for the help Dr. Isi of http://ancientspiritualtemple.com I don't know what would have become of my marriage now because i loved my husband so much that i couldn't stand loosing him. The spell worked like magic with the way and manner my husband change and started showing love instead of the divorce he was planning. I'm just too happy that everything is in place for me now. I would gladly recommend the use of spell to any one going through marriage problems and want to put an end to it email Dr. Isi through his website on http://ancientspiritualtemple.com and that was were i got the help to restore my marriage.
Antoine Fuqua
11/4/2021 02:41:20 pm
It gladdens my heart to know that I have someone to always run to no matter my situation in life. Lord Zakuza is a God in a human body that has never failed anyone for I am a living testifier of his good works. I've been separated from my woman for more than 2 years and I thought I've lost it all till I got referred to Lord Zakuza who helped me to regain my lost relationship with my woman within 48 hours. Lord Zakuza prepared a spell for me that brought back my woman and now we are reunited with much more love and happiness. Don't be sceptical about this because I've been through it and you might be the next lucky one to get your lover back forever within 48 hours. Whosoever you are and you need help, don't hesitate to get in touch with Lord Zakuza now via his website: ( lordzakuzaspells.com ) or via WhatsApp on: +1 740 573 9483 or through his email via: lordzakuza7@gmail.com and he also does lottery spells as well. Good luck to everyone reading this.
Claire Jason
12/6/2021 04:18:18 pm
Sometimes in life giving up is not the option, some of us couldn't even take NO for an answer, I am one of such, I have visited so many forums and some of the people I met on such sites told me to forget about my lover or maybe I should just let go , I always believe in following my dreams and I believe that I can get whatever I want or be who I wanna be at any point in my life. Why am I saying this? Jason left me not long ago for a younger lady, he told me it was over but like I said I can always get whatever I want in life which was what I did, i ensure that I got him back home with me with the help of a GREAT MAN known as DR. ISI of the http://ancientspiritualtemple.com , he did a reunion spell for me, and now Jason is back home with me and we are having a good life together again. Contact him at http://ancientspiritualtemple.com and also visit his website to know more about hi via: http://ancientspiritualtemple.com . Get the best result you ever dreamed of with his spells.
Lerynne West
12/11/2021 12:37:35 pm
I never knew lottery spells existed until I was referred to Dr Amber by my neighbor. I have been playing lottery games for the past 7 years and I have never won above $2,000 but after I came in contact with Dr Amber, I told him my past experience about playing lottery of which I have never won big amount and Dr Amber told me what will be done by praying and preparing a lottery spell for me. He did that and gave me some numbers to play the lottery game. At first I took everything as a joke until I was emailed a week after that I had won the sum of $343.9 million. I was shocked and surprised at that very moment because my long awaited prayers had finally been answered and I thank Dr Amber for helping me out for my financial status to change and that of my generations. If you want to win a huge amount on your next lottery game, contact Dr Amber now and I assure you that your bold step will be your change of level.
Teresa
12/22/2021 09:28:35 pm
Albert Washington
2/27/2022 05:21:11 am
Hi guys, I don’t have much to say right now rather than to say thank you to Dr Amber for rescuing me and my family from poverty. I love playing the lottery but winning big is always the issue for me. I will never forget the day I came in contact with Dr Amber whose lottery spell made me a winner of $360,000,000 million dollars just by giving me sure winning numbers within 3 days to play the lottery after he prepared the lottery spell for me. My financial status has changed for good and I’ve started to live my dream life after 14 years of playing the lottery. Thank you Dr Amber for I’m very grateful for all you’ve done for me and my family. You can call or message Dr Amber via WhatsApp with +1 (318) 306-5044 or email: amberlottotemple@yahoo.com or visit: www.amberlottotemple.com for more information.
Joanna Lyon
3/10/2022 05:04:17 pm
My fiance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called Dr. Mkuru that he solved so many relationship problem...... so i contacted him and explain every thing to him, then Dr. Mkuru told me he will come back to me between 17hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my fiance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that Dr. Mkuru help me bring my fiance back to me. Thanks so much Dr. Mkuru he can also help you... His 100% guaranteed, Email him at [dr.baba.mkurulovespellcaster@gmail.com] you can Visit his website; https://Drmkuruspellcaster.com WhatsApp +2349075998982
CLARA
5/17/2022 10:46:21 am
Thank you Dr Oniha for helping me to get my lovely partner back in my life. I am so blessed that you use a non forceful way of reuniting us. Our past,presence and future seems to have all merged into one. You told me that everyone has a compatible soul mate whether in their life of waiting to come into their lives. I am glad its my partner of old. I did not want to really go and be with someone else... You have removed the extra baggage that has been affecting us and holding us back. Peace to you Dr Oniha. Anyone out there with relationship problem should try and contact Dr Oniha his website, i assure you your problems will be solved by this great man.
Josephine
5/25/2022 05:09:31 am
Want to amend your broken home, broken relationship or affairs. want to get back your lost job or get a better one. wants to recover your properties or win that court case that has deprived you of your belongings, here's the right place to get your long seeking solution. you don't need to make any sacrifice, all you need is your
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 05:16:49 pm
Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: emutemple@gmail.com copy and message on the following ( emutemple@gmail.com ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341
Maria Gonzales
7/14/2022 02:31:40 am
Maria Gonzales
7/14/2022 02:51:25 am
Clara James
8/5/2022 09:49:27 am
REAL LOVE SPELL CASTER PRIEST WISDOM THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP.TEXT OR ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP: +2348124644470
cindy byrd
8/22/2022 01:44:20 am
It’s never too later to get your ex lover back.. Dr.Unity brought my husband back to me in just 28hours. My husband left me for another woman, This was just 3 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called Dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 28 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 28 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to Dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..Here his contact..
Monica Lyons
8/22/2022 11:56:03 pm
cindybyrd
11/3/2022 10:56:00 pm
Leave a Reply. |
Conflict
|
RSS Feed
