NURTURING MARRIAGE®
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group

How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship

3/17/2016

7 Comments

 
How Being
Written by The Relate Institute
Have you ever been mad at someone and thought, “Why am I so mad at them?  They didn’t do it on purpose!” ?  When you’re mad about something, it’s easier to shut off your brain and just brood, than to really think about the above question. Unfortunately, when you do this, it leaves you clueless as to why exactly you’re upset. Before you come back with the retort, “I’m just mad because I’m mad!” hear us out. Anger is what we call a secondary emotion. It’s the top of the iceberg of emotions. This means there are primary emotions beneath it.  Because primary emotions leave us feeling more vulnerable, they quickly get covered up with some form of anger, causing us to react poorly when we feel wronged in our relationships.

For example, a wife might be mad at her husband for forgetting his phone one day because she couldn’t get ahold of him. But a closer examination of what’s going on with her could reveal a fear of something bad happening and not being able to find him. Or maybe she’s afraid he doesn’t care about her enough to remember the things she asks him to do–like bring his phone with him. She doesn’t hold on to her fear very long because fear is a vulnerable and scary emotion. Which of these emotions seems softer, though – Anger or Fear? Her husband will likely react a lot more kindly and apologetically if she shows him her fear for his safety rather than her anger at his forgetfulness when he gets home.  
​

Primary Emotions: 
Fear, Hurt, Shame, Disgust, Loss, Sadness, Pain


Secondary Emotions: Anger, Frustration, Anxiety, Jealousy
Wow. This was an insightful article about anger and emotions in relationships. I wonder what is at the root of my anger - stress and fear perhaps? #relationshiphelp #conflictresolution #marriageadvice
Primary emotions are usually immediate reactions that we feel the moment something happens. We don’t even usually know they’re there. Our primary emotions quickly turn into secondary emotions which we’re more familiar and comfortable with. After all, if your spouse reacts poorly to your anger, there is less risk of being hurt than if he/she reacts poorly to your sincere expression of a fear and hurt. In this regard, it’s easier to be angry at a spouse, than to let him/her know you are hurting and really need him/her; anger serves as a personal protection and a way to keep from feeling dependent on others.

Unfortunately, primary emotions hang around longer than secondary emotions do because until we get to the primary emotion causing the secondary emotional reaction, we can’t resolve the source of the anger. Anger also leads to defensiveness in a partner, leaving you both feeling upset, misunderstood, and resentful. Being able to talk to your partner about your primary emotions allows him/her to address the core of the issue and offer you the comfort and reassurance you actually need.

It’s a lot easier to feel secondary emotions because they feel vague, familiar, and less intimidating. But once you start paying attention to why you feel the secondary emotions, you’ll get to the root of what is going on and be able to resolve it much more quickly. So next time you want to snap at your spouse, take a moment to really think about what your emotional reaction is about. Are you just “mad because you’re mad!” or is there something deeper going on?
Photo Credit: Top Photo: Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels; Bottom Photo: Jason Corey Photography

You may also enjoy 5 Things Great Listeners Do and 6 Compliments That Will Make Your Wife Melt
7 Comments
buy an essay link
3/3/2017 12:29:09 am

When I am mad, I don’t talk to my friends. I prefer to talk to myself and read a book. Some of my friends will say if I am mad, I made a decision without thinking. I would like to suggest if you are mad, better shut up your mouth and let your mad decrease with what kills you. I consider myself a moody and a sensitive person. If someone shouts at me intentionally or unintentionally, I feel hurt and get mad. There are many emotions that will kill us. Sooner or later, everyone will experience it.

Reply
Check Cashing link
5/30/2018 01:27:19 am

With these credits, one can pay-off his or her due bills or can meet numerous family unit crises; there isn't any such criteria in regards to use of advance sum in this way it can be utilized by the necessity of the borrower

Reply
Tony Cox link
12/31/2018 03:17:50 pm

I'm not familiar with the Relate Institute but there are some distinctive differences in the breakdown of primary emotions from other (more traditional?) researchers. (http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/basic%20emotions.htm) Most researchers (Plutchik, Ekman, etc.) put anger in the primary emotion category, but I laud the change in perspective. Thx.

Reply
Isabella Lucas
11/24/2020 07:25:19 am

My ex-husband and I had always managed to stay friendly after our divorce in February 2017. But I always wanted to get back together with him, All it took was a visit to this spell casters website last December, because my dream was to start a new year with my husband, and live happily with him.. This spell caster requested a specific love spell for me and my husband, and I accepted it. And this powerful spell caster began to work his magic. And 48 hours after this spell caster worked for me, my husband called me back for us to be together again, and he was remorseful for all his wrong deeds. My spell is working because guess what: My “husband” is back and we are making preparations on how to go to court and withdraw our divorce papers ASAP. This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you Dr Emu for your powerful spells. Words are not enough. here is his Email: emutemple@gmail.com or call/text him on his WhatsApp +2347012841542

He is also able to cast spell like 1: Lottery 2: Conceive 3: Breakup 4: Divorce 5: Cure for all kinds of diseases and viruses.

Reply
Tracy Matt
12/19/2020 08:44:37 pm

Now You Can Stop Your Break Up, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless.. I just got my husband back through the help of genuine love spell caster dr unity. My name is Emily Sarah am from Tx,USA. My husband left me for another woman, This was just 3 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called dr unity, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 11 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 11 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to dr unity . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity for help now..
Here his contact..WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 ,
Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com
,
His website:https://unityspells.blogspot.com

Reply
Lara Fox
1/8/2021 09:14:37 am

REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE   :  http://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster in a blog I visit for relationship counseling problems because I had been having serious issues with my husband and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed, he was returning my calls, he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it maybe out of desperation ..and I contacted them. At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, their consultations and solutions were a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard, read and heard lots of stories of spell casters and I never really believed in spells ..I played along with a little hope and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle, everything went to a whole new direction, I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that fateful day. I hope they could help other people too like they did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband, my family and my life back their address is; wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  Call him or add him on WhatsApp via: +19085174108

Reply
Andrew Monica
2/27/2021 06:29:55 am

Hello Everyone Do Need Help In this category?

I was going through a breakup with my husband for not given babies to him, i request a love spell and help to get pregnant too. After some while he tile me when my problem will be solve. Since then all my problem has been solve now am happy in my marriage. If you are going through this you can contact without any side effect..

Contact Dr Iyaryi for any kind of help..

Pregnancy Spell
Lottery Spell
Get Your Ex Back
Get Your Wife Back
Stop Divorce
Stop Broken Marriage
Get Your Husband Back
Get Your Boyfriend Back
Get Your Lottery Number

Email.. driayaryi2012@gmail.com OR driayaryi2012@hotmail.com You can Text +1 484 471 8463

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Conflict
    Resolution

    RSS Feed

    "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
    -Leo Tolstoy
    Picture

    You Know You Want to Read

    • 15 Tricks to Help You Learn How to Talk to Your Spouse Again
    • 3 Reasons You & Your Spouse Need a Bucket List
    • How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship
    • 17 Gestures That Make Men Feel Loved
    • Why You Should Still Ask Your Spouse Out on Dates
    • Foreplay Isn't Always What You Think
    • 3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner
    • 5 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws Who Feel Like Out-Laws
    Instagram

    Everybody Loves These

    • Doing Things Your Lover Loves Because You Love Your Lover
    • 40 Fabulous Spring Date Ideas
    • 4 Tips to Creating the Marriage You Want
    • What is Your Apology Language?
    • How to Create Bedtime Rituals That Will Nurture Your Marriage
    • 5 Things Great Listeners Do
    Picture
   The Little Things       |     Date Night      |      Intimacy      |      Values to Live By      |      Routines and Rituals      |      Conflict Resolution       

Featured Couples      |      On a Lighter Note      |      Studies Show      |      Shareable Quotes 
  |      Commenting Policy
Photos used under Creative Commons from bortescristian, JasonCorey, ivan.frolov.md, timsamoff, AvgeekJoe, aturkus, anastasia r, JasonCorey, StockMonkeys.com, JasonCorey, abdul / yunir, Shélin Graziela, Rachel.Adams, Stefano Montagner, micadew, sitye3, 401(K) 2013, OER Africa, [SiK-photo], elvissa, thevelvetbird, Rahul de Cunha, Street matt, Dusty J, Emery Co Photo, shanon wise
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group