NURTURING MARRIAGE®
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group

Are You Addicted to Romance?

4/7/2016

4 Comments

 
Are you addicted to romance? The term for marital romance is called limerence. Limerence encompasses sexual attraction, adoration, and sometimes even obsessiveness. John Gottman, one of the foremost authorities on all things marriage, suggests that this feeling of limerence lasts only two years. Two years. When most people get married, rarely do they think, “Well, in two years, when this feeling is over, I will just get divorced and find a new spouse.” #romance
Written by Maddison Meijome

What romance looks like...

There are many of us who are addicted to what are something like “romances.” That rushing, happy feeling you get when you upgrade your phone, discover a new restaurant that you are excited to try, or when you move to a new city that you can’t wait to explore. That constant stimulation is even the reason why internet pornography is becoming so widespread. There is never an end to what you can see or experience. 

Now think of this in terms of marriage- are you addicted to the feeling of romance? If so, what happens when those positive and exciting feelings fade? 

The term for marital romance is called limerence. Limerence encompasses sexual attraction, adoration, and sometimes even obsessiveness. John Gottman, one of the foremost authorities on all things marriage, suggests that this feeling of limerence lasts only two years. Two years. When most people get married, rarely do they think, “Well, in two years, when this feeling is over, I will just get divorced and find a new spouse.” Most people assume that this strong loving feeling is something they will experience the rest of their lives with their spouse. Gottman suggests otherwise. He says this strong attraction is a phase. While this phase is very important when choosing your mate, it is not something that should be viewed as a permanent stage of marriage. 

So, what happens when those romantic feelings go away?

Hello, reality check. 
  • You start to notice that your spouse’s cute grinding noise they make when they sleep actually bothers you, like, a lot. 
  • You notice that your spouse is always late. You used to joke about it, but now it is just starting to get annoying and inconsiderate.
  • You start to wonder if your spouse is really as good as you thought, like maybe you were just tricked into this marriage, or that you were naïve and young, and now you know better. 

So then, you start looking around. 

I think you know where I am going with this. 

Before you get down in the dumps about the inevitable decline of your constant and strong attraction to your spouse, consider this thought: If limerence is just a phase, maybe the next phases will be even better, if you work to make them so.

I mean, it took work to date your spouse before you got married, right? Maybe not hard work, and most likely really enjoyable work, but it still took effort, sometimes even at the expense of other important friendships and commitments. 
Are you addicted to romance? The term for marital romance is called limerence. Limerence encompasses sexual attraction, adoration, and sometimes even obsessiveness. John Gottman, one of the foremost authorities on all things marriage, suggests that this feeling of limerence lasts only two years. Two years. When most people get married, rarely do they think, “Well, in two years, when this feeling is over, I will just get divorced and find a new spouse.” #romance
If you want to transition smoothly into future marital phases, then build a strong foundation that you can always go back to when times get difficult. 

Here are some suggestions inspired by the John Gottman blog:

Share the Why


Share your fondness for your spouse beyond the words “I love you,” or “I admire you.” Actually tell your spouse why you love them and why you admire them. Use specific situations like, “I love it when you hold my hand in public. It makes me feel like you are happy for other people to see how in love we are.” 

Don’t Underestimate the Value of Appreciation

Tell your spouse that you appreciate him or her for specific things they have done. One instance might be, “I noticed yesterday that you did the dishes for me when I was stressed out, and that made me feel really good. Thank you.” But, additionally, thank them for things that they are. Saying something like, “I appreciate that you are relaxed about the traffic jam,” is something that could go a long way towards nurturing your marriage. 

Validate Your Partner’s Feelings

Okay, okay, you’ve heard this A LOT. But really, it does wonders on both you and your partner’s moods. By acknowledging that your spouse is upset or sad, it shows that you care about their feelings, and it helps to combat contempt - which is a huge marriage killer. Contempt is not something you feel often in that honeymoon stage of marriage, but it gets its way when you start to notice all of the imperfections in your partner. Creating a habit of validation will be a stronghold in your marriage when things get tough.

Learn to Speak Your Partner’s Love Language

Part of nurturing your marriage involves concentrating on the things that benefit you and your spouse. You may love it when your spouse gives you a massage, but does your spouse love it, too? What speaks to him or her? What is your spouse's love language? Making a consistent routine of giving your partner more of what he or she wants and needs to feel loved will make it easier when the cloud of limerence starts to lift. 

If you think that you might be starting to lose sight of the honeymoon phase, or have long since passed out of it, don’t forget that it isn't a bad thing if you are willing to make positive choices that will perpetuate your deep love for one another. Apply the above principles and strategies to your marriage starting today, and you will not regret it. Plus, you may find that a deeper kind of romance and devotion starts to settle in, a kind of love that can last well past two years. 
Photo Credit: Top Photo - Caitlinn Mahar-Daniels; Bottom Photo - Jason Corey Photography

You may also enjoy 5 Ways to Celebrate Your Spouse on Their Birthday and 10 Ways to Nurture Your Long-Distance Relationship
4 Comments
Cebre link
4/8/2016 05:37:45 am

Love this. I'm totally addicted to romance and while I don't feel like I'm losing interest in my marriage due to it I know that I can use these tips to keep it alive!

Reply
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/14/2022 01:48:44 pm

Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try DR EMU copy and message on the following ( Email: [email protected] ) or ( WhatsApp: +2347012841542 ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341

Reply
Rachael Mildred
1/22/2024 09:24:51 am

EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS.

Contact Doctor Odunga at [email protected] OR Whats App/CALL +2348167159012

I got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
When I came online last year, I saw a testimony about Doctor Odunga and how he has been helping people with marriage issues and I decided to contact him. We spoke on email at [email protected] and later he gave me his Whats-App number which is +2348167159012. He assured me he would help me get my ex husband back after 3 years of no contact. Doctor Odunga is the best spell caster I must say. My husband called me after 24 hours of contact. The third day, I received natural herbs for fertility and after using it, I became fertile and conceived. My husband and I reconnected, had sex and I was pregnant. Presently I am happy to say I am the mother of twin girls and this is ALL THANKS TO DOCTOR ODUNGA. I came online to say this: If you need help, I believe you are saved with this man.

Contact his email at [email protected]

OR Whats App/Call +2348167159012 and you too will give a testimony too to help others

Reply
GUFF jack
4/11/2025 07:05:54 pm

Holy s**t. Sorry for the language but I cant believe i stumbled across a comment while scouring the internet. I am suffering from erectile dysfunction, which was the same situation i found on the post ,Then I Connected with the email , i saw on the internet . i ordered mine and same with me today am cured , i am now a full man , enjoying my sex life and also got manhood enlarger , now my wife do scream on me and enjoy every part of me , if you also need his assistance , You meant go through his website; https://bubaherbalmiraclem.wixsite.com/website . Or reach him via mail ; [email protected] or WhatsApp ; +2349060529305 or his Facebook Page ;https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61559577240930 . AND THANK ME LATER . REACH ME FOR ADVICE +12044101902

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Conflict
    Resolution

    RSS Feed

    "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
    -Leo Tolstoy
    Picture

    You Know You Want to Read

    • 15 Tricks to Help You Learn How to Talk to Your Spouse Again
    • 3 Reasons You & Your Spouse Need a Bucket List
    • How Being "Mad" is Hurting Your Relationship
    • 17 Gestures That Make Men Feel Loved
    • Why You Should Still Ask Your Spouse Out on Dates
    • Foreplay Isn't Always What You Think
    • 3 Reasons to Keep Trying to Be Intimate With Your Partner
    • 5 Tips for Dealing with In-Laws Who Feel Like Out-Laws
    Instagram

    Everybody Loves These

    • Doing Things Your Lover Loves Because You Love Your Lover
    • 40 Fabulous Spring Date Ideas
    • 4 Tips to Creating the Marriage You Want
    • What is Your Apology Language?
    • How to Create Bedtime Rituals That Will Nurture Your Marriage
    • 5 Things Great Listeners Do
    Picture
   The Little Things       |     Date Night      |      Intimacy      |      Values to Live By      |      Routines and Rituals      |      Conflict Resolution       

Featured Couples      |      On a Lighter Note      |      Studies Show      |      Shareable Quotes 
  |      Commenting Policy
Photos from bortescristian, JasonCorey, ivan.frolov.md, timsamoff, AvgeekJoe, aturkus, anastasia r, JasonCorey, StockMonkeys.com, JasonCorey, abdul / yunir, Shélin Graziela, Rachel.Adams, Stefano Montagner, micadew, sitye3, 401(K) 2013, OER Africa, [SiK-photo], elvissa, thevelvetbird, Rahul de Cunha, Street matt, Dusty J, Emery Co Photo, shanon wise
  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
    • On a Lighter Note
  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
    • NURTURE
  • Coaching Services
  • Contact Us
    • Shareable Quotes
    • Become a Contributor
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Partner with Us
    • Privacy Policy
    • Join the Community >
      • Subscribe to our Newsletter
      • Nurturing Marriage Conversations Facebook Group