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5 Things Great Listeners Do

3/10/2016

14 Comments

 
Oh my, I need to work on all of these, especially #1! haha. Love this website - it is so helpful and has a TON of great marriage advice!
It's Tuesday night at 7:00pm. You just arrived home to an empty house and you are wondering where on earth your wife is. You text her. No response. You call. No response. Finally, you heat up a frozen burrito, and then settle down to catch up on the evening news. All of a sudden you get a text from your wife filled with stressful and annoyed-looking emoji's. She tells you she is at craft night and you were supposed to pick the kids up at 7:15pm at the neighbor's house. You look at your phone, 7:26pm. Whoops.

Your wife is visibly annoyed (as annoyed as she can be via text) and you feel defensive because you don't remember EVER talking about this with your wife. So, you text back by saying, "You could have at least told me you had craft night," and then you insert an emoji with a tongue sticking out. Your wife texts back by saying, "I did tell you! Last week!" You vaguely remember. Last Thursday, after work, you were trying to relax and your wife was telling you a hundred things about her day and her week. Maybe she mentioned it and you just weren't paying attention.

You feel a bit guilty, but decide it is your wife's fault for not reminding you, so you blame it on her and go pick up the kids. When your wife gets home you give her the silent treatment (which you know isn't healthy) to let her know you are frustrated at her. She gets frustrated and whines about how you never listen to her. You zone her out by looking at your phone (but you are listening, even though you don't want to). She raises her voice and frustratingly says, "Case in point!" You are guilty, but you can't be silent anymore. You rudely retort by saying, "You never listen either. I've told you a hundred times that I don't like hard-boiled eggs and you still make them at least twice a week." Your wife is shocked. "What? You're upset that I MAKE YOU eggs? I don't have to make you food, you know." And so the conversation escalates (and covers a variety of undesirable topics) until you decide to man up and be humble.

You stand up, go to your wife, and put your arms around her. You say, "I'm sorry for not being a good listener. And for not paying more attention to details. I'm going to do better, I promise. Will you forgive me?" She turns to look into your eyes and then she kisses you and laughs. "We both can do better at listening! I'm sorry, too." And with that, your night turns out to be a pretty good one, indeed.
Listening Can Be Learned

Listening isn't an easy skill to learn, or develop, but the good news is that it can be learned and developed! With practice, you can become a GREAT listener, which will nurture your marriage and help you avoid dramatic nights like the one above. 


A wise leader once taught the importance of communication in marriage by saying, 

"Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners."  (Russell M. Nelson)

Listening is important for not only the big conversations, when your spouse wants to talk about a problem or important decision, but also for the everyday, ordinary conversations (the ones that are all too easy to zone out for!). 

If you want to learn to be a great listener, then try one of these five practical suggestions to help you be a better listener today.
1. Great listeners don't interrupt, but they do ask clarifying questions.

If your husband is talking to you about his work schedule for the week, don't interrupt him. Especially if what you have to say is totally off topic (a clear sign that you aren't listening!). When he pauses and looks to you for a reply, wait a moment or two and then ask a clarifying question to make sure you took in the content. Something like, "So, you leave Monday evening...and when is your return flight?" Perhaps pull out your planner or your phone to jot it down and show him you are paying attention. Then he can confirm that he comes back Wednesday evening and that you are both on the same page regarding his schedule. Maybe, to really show him you care about the ordinary conversation you just had, and that you listened to what he had to say, you can respond by saying, "Great! I'm taking you to Red Robin (or your favorite restaurant) the second you get home."  

2. Great listeners don't try and fix things.

Just watch this clip, and you'll completely understand this point about not trying to fix things. Really, watch it. It's hilarious!
5 Things Great Listeners Do -
3. Great listeners maintain eye contact. 

When your wife is talking to you, look her in the eye. Also, pay attention to her body language and facial expressions.  She may be telling you about how her mom's health is failing and how she is so worried about her, but if you aren't looking at your wife, you won't notice the tears in her eyes, and the fact that all she needs right now is for you to hug her tight and tell her you are here for her. 

4. Great listeners minimize distractions.

Don't zone out. Try and minimize distractions. Turn off the TV or radio. Set your phone aside. Avoid looking through the fridge or pantry for food while your husband is trying to talk to you. Just sit or stand close to him, perhaps touch his elbow or hand, and give him your full attention. Oh, and always try and steal a kiss - he won't mind those kinds of distractions. ;)

​5. Great listeners respond with empathy and understanding. 

Marvin J. Ashton, a great religious leader, sums up this point about great listening by saying, "Listening is more than being quiet. Listening is much more than silence. Listening requires undivided attention. The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. The time to deal with a person with a problem is when he has the problem. The time to listen is the time when our interest and love are vital to the one who seeks our ear, our heart, our help, and our empathy. We should all increase our ability to ask comfortable questions, and then listen—intently, naturally. Listening is a tied-in part of loving."

Learn to respond with understanding and empathy, by offering physical affection and comments such as, "I'm so sorry," or, "Man, that really stinks." Those simple words of understanding will help your spouse feel validated, listened to, appreciated, and cared about.

Yes, with these five simple tips you'll see how great listening is going to start nurturing your marriage in BIG ways! 
Photo Credit: Crooze Photography

You may also enjoy 15 Tricks to Help You Learn to Talk to Your Spouse Again and An Inside Glimpse into the Marriage of William & Vivian Rogers
14 Comments
vanessa simo
7/27/2018 09:56:05 am

How do we deal with a spouses, who like to look at the phone, and also when you are talking and the phone rings and they answer or say they need to take this call because it's from work, how do we respond with neither one becoming defensive

Reply
carly arden
11/19/2021 08:15:32 am

GREAT LOVE SPELL CASTER DR PETER THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP. TEXT OR ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP: +19844092762

My name is CARLY ARDEN .I want to give thanks to DR PETER for bringing back my ex husband. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person, It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he broke up with me again. I was confused and did not know what to do again, rather than to get in contact with DR PETER . He did a love spell that made my husband come back to me. We are now very much happy with ourselves. DR PETER makes him realize how much we love and need each other. This man is for REAL and for good. He can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very well in our love life. contact details WhatsApp on +19844092762
drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com
https://drpeterspellcaster.wordpress.com
https://web.facebook.comdrpeterspellcaster22

Reply
Belinda Hicks
6/22/2022 06:57:00 am

Real SpellCaster 2022/2023 Get Your EX Lover Back No Matter Why They Left You, Contact DR PETER Whatsapp +1(984)-409-2762 drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com

Hello friends, This is my testimony on how my husband came back to me.. I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to DR PETER spell caster for bringing back my husband who left me for almost 2 year, I feel like my life is completely over, so one day as i was surfing on the internet for recommend spell caster who will help me to bring my husband back, Finally i met a writing how so many testimony talking about how DR PETER help to restore relationships back within some few days, I laugh it out and said i am not interested but because i was so desperate, i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called DR PETER and explain my problems to him, and he was so nice and also consoling which was really great, then he started the love spell luckily within 48 hours my husband really called me and started apologizing for all he had caused me and be begging me to accept him back and we are living together and happily married I am the happiest woman on earth today because DR PETER has done a wonderful deeds in my life and i will continue to share this testimony, contact him on his email drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +1(984)-409-2762 Blog: https://drpeterspellcaster22.blogspot.com/ Website:https://drpeterspellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site-1

Angelijna Makal
3/1/2022 04:11:57 am

Are you in need of help to get your ex back and stop your divorce? I urge you not to cry no more for Dr Kala is the solution to your problem. Dr Kala is a powerful love spell caster who helps in getting an ex back and stop divorce. He helped me to get my ex husband back after separation. My Husband packed out to live with his mistress and he sent me divorce papers. I tried all I could to get him back but he refused to return home and I suspected the lady used some magic spell on him to hold him down. I got to know about Dr Kala in a youtube comment where i was looking for help to get my husband back and i contacted him and explain my problem to him and he did the work and my husband return back home after 2 days and he apologise for the pains he put me through and we are living happily together for good. Here is Dr Kala contact Email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853 . I will continue sharing this testimony to every platform so that whoever needs to go get his/her ex back should contact Dr Kala and he will help you to get your ex back. Dr Kala website is https://luckyspelltemple.wordpress.com

Reply
lawrencia Hall
11/25/2020 12:34:23 pm

This is a testimony that I will advise everyone to read because what I experienced was miraculous. i have been married  4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my husband away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post about dr jumba   helping people to bring back broken relationship  and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my beloved Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48 hours as dr jumba  told me,  my husband came back home and ask for forgiveness i was surprise to see him after a long time. he  came back to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you who has similar problem or any difficulty in his/her relationship  to contact dr Jumba and get your problems solved, His email: wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com you can also contact him or whatsApp him on this +19085174108 .  thank so much  WEBSITE :  https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com IF you want to know more about dr jumba services . YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/kBvs5nQcjWo  BLOGSPOT : https://manifestloveinyourbrokenhome.blogspot.com/  DR JUMBA personal blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/

Reply
Jason Bennett
12/7/2020 11:00:51 pm

Omg I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp +2347012841542

Reply
Susan Christian
8/14/2021 05:28:13 am

Hello to everyone out here, I am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me … My name is Susan Christian , I live in London, UK. we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Emu for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24 hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Emu casted on him that make him come back to me today, me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Emu for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Emu , if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: emutemple@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ fb page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

Reply
carly arden
11/19/2021 08:15:24 am

GREAT LOVE SPELL CASTER DR PETER THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP. TEXT OR ADD HIM UP ON WHATSAPP: +19844092762

My name is CARLY ARDEN .I want to give thanks to DR PETER for bringing back my ex husband. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person, It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he broke up with me again. I was confused and did not know what to do again, rather than to get in contact with DR PETER . He did a love spell that made my husband come back to me. We are now very much happy with ourselves. DR PETER makes him realize how much we love and need each other. This man is for REAL and for good. He can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very well in our love life. contact details WhatsApp on +19844092762
drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com
https://drpeterspellcaster.wordpress.com
https://web.facebook.comdrpeterspellcaster22

Reply
Unityspelltemple
11/20/2021 07:02:37 pm


Now You Can Stop Your Break Up, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless! Click here ->>https://reallovespell.wordpress.com

Thank you sir for your genuine spells. This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every possible means that i could to get my wife back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my wife had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my ex wife and kids. But when i read good reviews about your work sir, i decided to give it a try and i did everything that you instructed me and i Trusted in you and followed your instructions just as you have guaranteed me in 11hours, and that was exactly when my wife called me.. We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much for your authentic and indisputable spells. Thanks Sir for your help. So I promise to tell the world about you great If you need help in your marriage of broken relationship,please contact Dr.Unity right now for urgent help.
Here his contact...WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 ,
Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com

Reply
Nem Vargas
1/20/2022 12:15:54 am

I still can’t thank you enough DR BEN, My lover left for a younger lady because i was unable to give birth due to PCOS, I was so devastated i was lonely i cried a lot i even tried taking my life, I want to thank DR BEN for the great thing he has done in my life , he brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 2months in pain before a friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster online called DR BEN I was introduced to a true spell caster called (DR BEN ) In less than 48 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you DR BEN for helping me but most of all for your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. if you have problem like mine or waste you can contact her via her email:voodoospelltemple80@gmail.com, or WhatsApp Number: +2347044745704

Reply
pedro
2/4/2022 09:58:14 pm

Am very happy again, my life has changed for good after Prophet/Dr Odiboh brought back my divorced wife within 72 hours. Contact him now for any help on relationships matter or for your lottery favour and life issues in general via Email on: odibohsolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp +2347048883838..

Reply
Angelijna Makal
3/1/2022 04:11:42 am

Are you in need of help to get your ex back and stop your divorce? I urge you not to cry no more for Dr Kala is the solution to your problem. Dr Kala is a powerful love spell caster who helps in getting an ex back and stop divorce. He helped me to get my ex husband back after separation. My Husband packed out to live with his mistress and he sent me divorce papers. I tried all I could to get him back but he refused to return home and I suspected the lady used some magic spell on him to hold him down. I got to know about Dr Kala in a youtube comment where i was looking for help to get my husband back and i contacted him and explain my problem to him and he did the work and my husband return back home after 2 days and he apologise for the pains he put me through and we are living happily together for good. Here is Dr Kala contact Email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853 . I will continue sharing this testimony to every platform so that whoever needs to go get his/her ex back should contact Dr Kala and he will help you to get your ex back.. Dr Kala website is https://luckyspelltemple.wordpress.com

Reply
SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 12:57:54 pm

Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: emutemple@gmail.com copy and message on the following ( emutemple@gmail.com ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341

Reply
Belinda Hicks
6/22/2022 06:56:18 am

Real SpellCaster 2022/2023 Get Your EX Lover Back No Matter Why They Left You, Contact DR PETER Whatsapp +1(984)-409-2762 drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com

Hello friends, This is my testimony on how my husband came back to me.. I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to DR PETER spell caster for bringing back my husband who left me for almost 2 year, I feel like my life is completely over, so one day as i was surfing on the internet for recommend spell caster who will help me to bring my husband back, Finally i met a writing how so many testimony talking about how DR PETER help to restore relationships back within some few days, I laugh it out and said i am not interested but because i was so desperate, i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called DR PETER and explain my problems to him, and he was so nice and also consoling which was really great, then he started the love spell luckily within 48 hours my husband really called me and started apologizing for all he had caused me and be begging me to accept him back and we are living together and happily married I am the happiest woman on earth today because DR PETER has done a wonderful deeds in my life and i will continue to share this testimony, contact him on his email drpeterspellcaster21@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +1(984)-409-2762 Blog: https://drpeterspellcaster22.blogspot.com/ Website:https://drpeterspellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site-1

Reply



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  • About
    • Us
    • Our Foundational Analogy
    • What We Believe
    • Meet Our Contributors
    • Featured On...
  • 6 Pillars to Nurturing Marriage
    • The Little Things
    • Date Night
    • Intimacy
    • Values to Live By
    • Routines and Rituals
    • Conflict Resolution
  • More
    • Romantic Getaways
    • Money Matters
    • Featured Couples
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  • BUY OUR BOOKS
    • LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND: A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL
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