Written by Aaron & April Jacob
So, you two are having problems.
He's snapping at you about the brand of cheese you bought and you're barking at him about flirting with your waitress over dinner. You two. You are feeling a bit frustrated about your marriage and want things to be better, right? Well, you have come to the right place. Now that you're here, we're going to sit and chat with you for a minute, and perhaps even be a bit bold, but we hope you don't mind. You know we care about you and that marriage of yours, so just know that this all comes from our desire to help you and encourage you along in your marriage journey! Please remember in all of this talk about marriage problems, that according to renowned marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman, some problems in marriage are solvable and others aren't. Problems are okay. In fact, we probably should call them challenges or opportunities instead of problems, because that is exactly what they are. Problems simply present you and that good looking spouse of yours with challenge, and who doesn't love a good challenge? Problems give you an opportunity to look at yourself and your life and to make big decisions about choosing and creating the life you know you want, and can have together. So settle in as we share 3 simple things you can do (starting today) if you are having marriage problems, ahem, challenges (and chances are, you probably are).
1. Fix yourself first.
Ah, the ever common answer to most marriage-related problems, and yet the one that we never want to hear. It's easier to blame problems on our past, or on our spouse, or on the dog, but really, we - as individuals (with all of our strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and more) likely play a large part in every marital problem we face. Ouch. Okay, so you don't need to "fix" yourself, because you aren't broken, but you may need to take a little look inside your heart and see what changes you ought to make in order to improve your marriage relationship. Taking responsibility by looking inward is always a good place to start. Personal inventories are always a little painful, a little humbling, and a little uncomfortable, but they lead to the kind of learning that helps us to see ourselves and our spouse through new eyes, and with a new, more softened heart. All good things. Very good things. So, take a little inventory of your life. Perhaps in taking inventory of your life you realize that you have never ever ever offered to help bring in the groceries before, or that you seriously do tend to correct everything he says, or that whenever you come home from work you are grouchy, or that you lose your temper over silly things when you really shouldn't. If, in taking inventory of your life you find a few things you need to stop doing, then stop doing them. And if you find a few things you need to start doing, well, start doing them. The best time to change and improve is now. So just start. Just make the decision to start changing one behavior or habit today. You'll be glad you did. So will your spouse.
2. Use the resources around you.
It's amazing how many resources we have access to. When it comes to relationship resources, there are many. Please don't be afraid, or embarrassed, or ashamed to go to marriage counseling. Or to seek help. Or to ask for advice. How else are you supposed to grow? Marriage counseling, although a bit pricey, would help more people if they approached it as a preventative measure (like a well-visit to the Dr.) and went with a desire to learn new skills in order to strengthen their marital relationship. Tap into all the resources around you - counseling; coaches; the internet; books like our new book, Nurture: 100 Practical Tips for Marriage; religious leaders; trusted family members; online communities (see our Nurturing Marriage Facebook group here); prayer; and so forth. There are a lot of resources around you. It's easy to complain about what isn't going right in a marriage, but it is more difficult to actually start using the resources already available to you. Look around and see if there is a resource that seems to speak to you - and start there. Perhaps you decide to actually read (and apply) a whole marriage book. Or maybe you take an older couple out to dinner and pick their brains about what worked and didn't work in their marriage. Maybe you decide to talk to a clergyman (or woman) or to simply call your dad and just glean a little wisdom from someone who has walked the path ahead of you. Whatever you choose to do, simply ask yourself, "What resources are right in front of me that I'm not using?" Seek help for your current marriage challenges by looking to the resources that are currently available to you. You may be surprised at all of the help that is in front of your eyes, if only you decide to look.
3. Write your own prescription.
That's right. Chances are, if you really think about it, you already know what needs to be done in order to improve your marriage. We're going to invite you to get out a little piece of paper right now (do it) and write yourself a prescription. Just as you would go to a Dr. if you weren't feeling well physically and needed a prescription for medicine, your marriage may be in need of a good old-fashioned prescription. So start writing. Pretend, just for a moment, that you are your very own marriage counselor. What advice would you give yourself? What changes and improvements need to be made? Perhaps your prescription for this week is to bite your tongue, or to give her a long kiss every day, or to notice something that is going right in the relationship and to point it out on the daily. Or perhaps you need to actually make time to talk for longer than two seconds, or to actually go on a date, or perhaps you simply need to say (and show) you are sorry. Whatever it is, write it down, and then stick that piece of paper in a place where you can see it every day (better yet, set it as a reminder on your phone three times a day - it may get annoying, but it will definitely remind you!). Now, go do whatever it is that you wrote down, and see if it doesn't help with some of those marriage "problems" you have been having. (If nothing else, this kind of an exercise will help you to stop and think about your relationship and about what it needs and doesn't need, and that analysis alone will be a good starting point!) You've now taken responsibility for your part in your marital problems, identified the resources in front of you, and written a prescription for yourself, so now it's time to take responsibility for your choices and your responses, and to see the difference that changing yourself (or even your mindset or perspective) can play in your marriage. Now, you two aren't going to be perfect all at once, and your problems won't disappear overnight, but these three tips are a great place to start if you really want to nurture your marriage, create true and lasting connection, and live the happily ever after you have always wanted. Photo Credit: Bryan Streigler Photo
You may also enjoy and Not Just Friends: Recovering from an Emotional Affair and 5 New Marriage Books You Need to Know About
31 Comments
4/8/2018 12:37:08 am
I love the post and how it's really taken by heart to help more couples nurture marriage.
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Bella George
12/1/2020 07:10:58 am
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Jude
11/2/2023 02:34:43 am
We broke up and went our separate ways. I wrote __________________( Dr.mac@yahoo.com )… for a love spell and he truly helped me! I was able to get her to miss me, She had lot of regrets and felt bad for leaving me. We are back together again. she cherish our relationship so much more and our love is stronger now! ...
Jude
11/2/2023 04:54:13 am
We broke up and went our separate ways. I wrote __________________( Dr.mac@yahoo.com )… for a love spell and he truly helped me! I was able to get her to miss me, She had lot of regrets and felt bad for leaving me. We are back together again. she cherish our relationship so much more and our love is stronger now! ...
Cynthia
11/19/2023 09:19:00 am
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12/21/2023 12:53:33 pm
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10/3/2020 03:05:24 am
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4/19/2021 11:24:20 pm
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5/15/2021 10:44:47 am
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8/4/2021 12:55:50 pm
It's great that you pointed out that couples don't need to be ashamed or afraid to seek out counseling. I would think that working on relationship issues is better than letting them simmer. Working with a counselor seems like a healthy way to handle relationship problems.
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Liliana Moore
11/2/2021 10:30:42 pm
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2/4/2022 09:31:10 pm
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4/13/2022 06:07:07 pm
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SCOTT WYCOFF
6/13/2022 05:01:07 pm
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1/21/2023 05:47:31 am
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Aliciafernadez
4/10/2023 08:31:52 am
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5/17/2023 02:36:17 am
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6/26/2023 06:25:55 pm
HOW TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK IN 24 HOURS BY POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED DR PADMAN
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7/22/2023 11:52:33 pm
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Julianna Davis
10/18/2023 03:42:24 pm
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Molly Moon
10/20/2023 04:59:22 pm
I am sharing this testimony to partners who are suffering in their relationships because there is a lasting solution. My husband left me and our Children for another woman for 6 years. I tried to be strong just for my children but I couldn't control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed help so i researched on the internet and found a site where i saw that Dr. Salem a great spell caster that can help get lovers back with natural zodiac sign spell. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprise, after 48 hours, my husband returned home. That's how we met again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can also contact Dr. Salem from any part of the world a powerful spell caster for solutions on your contact below.
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Tineka Howell
10/23/2023 06:32:27 pm
I can’t believe that with just a contact to Dr. Salem, I got my ex husband back. I had read some stuff about Manifest Temple before I contacted him but I didn’t know that all those stuff were so accurate until I got my husband back, After getting my ex husband back I taught it wise to share my testimony with everyone on this website that how Dr. Salem was able to get my husband back with his powerful reunion love spell. That rebuild my broken marriage. All my hope has been fully restored and am happy to share my experience to everyone. Do feel free to Contact Dr. Salem via email if having any challenge with marriage or relationship at: (salemmanifestloverspell@gmail.com) I so much believe he can also help out with his powers. WhatsApp +234 805 397 4975
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Julianna Davis
10/25/2023 09:08:32 pm
i want to share to the whole world how Dr Kachi the Great of all the Spell Caster, that helped me reunite my marriage back, my Ex Husband broke up with me 3months ago, I have been trying to get him back ever since then, i was worried and so confused because i love him so much. I was really going too much depressed, he left me with my kids and just ignored me constantly. I have begged him for forgiveness through text messages for him to come back home and the kids crying and miss their dad but he wont reply, I wanted him back desperately. we were in a very good couple and yet he just ignores me and get on with his life just like that, so i was looking for help after reading a post of Dr Kachi on the internet when i saw a lady name SHARRON testified that Dr Kachi cast a Pure love spell to stop divorce. and i also met with other, it was about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 24 hours at the end of her testimony she dropped his email, I contacted Dr Kachi via email and explained my problem to Dr Kachi and he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen, that he will restored my marriage back, and to my greatest surprise my Ex husband came back to me, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day our marriage is now stronger than how it was before, Dr Kachi you're a real spell caster, you can also get your Ex back and live with him happily: Contact Email drkachispellcast@gmail.com his Text Number and Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 his Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site
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LOVE SPELL
11/2/2023 07:20:46 pm
Dr Salem I want to start first by saying a big “thank you” to you . There are a bunch of nuts out there just trying to make a fast buck, but you are genuine! I prayed before I went online that God would send me exactly where I needed to go to find help for my problems concerning my love life.. And I mean I went directly to your site and felt it was the place I needed to be. now my family is reunited and my lover is back to me with masses of love. I’m forever grateful! Dr. Salem is legitimate and his gift is for real. Of that I am certain, Thank you thank you!!! you can contact him on this email: salemmanifestloverspell@gmail.com or salemmanifestloverspell@outlook.com
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12/16/2023 05:02:49 pm
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Marie Levi
12/21/2023 12:01:48 pm
A big thanks from Marie Levi to DR ISIKOLO for helping me to restore my broken home. Inconsistency has been the order of the day in my home and marriage. My husband has had a hell of a problem and torn on my flesh ever since we started having too many misunderstandings. Some days, he just left and never returned until its past weeks. I was devastated and tried all I could to fix the problems but didn't succeed. I had to search out for help and I was directed by a friend to contact DR ISIKOLO which I did. I never knew it would be possible because the problems had lingered for two whole years. DR ISIKOLO assured me and only told me to trust him and believe in having my desires granted. He fixed my marriage with his powerful love reunion bond and my home is great again and my husband is with me never to leave anymore. Contact him too and believe he can help you because he has no bad records. Just text him via WhatsApp +2348133261196 or email him via: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com
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Rachael Mildred
1/22/2024 09:11:35 am
EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS.
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