Since when did calling your wife out on every little thing she doesn't do your way become normal? Since when did belittling your wife, whether in her presence or not become appropriate? Never. Please watch yourself and don't get caught in the trap of criticizing your wife. Choose to see the good in your wife. Compliment her on all the things she is doing right. Next time you find yourself wanting to tell her something you don't like about her, switch it around and pay her a sincere compliment. She will love it.
Believe it or not, you aren't always right. And your beautiful wife is actually very good at making her own decisions (and typically she makes very good decisions). So stop feeling like you need to control where she's going, what she's doing, how much she's spending, etc. Instead of stressing about that, work together as a team, encouraging and supporting each other. Let your wife be her own person, and give her wings to fly. You'll be amazed at how happy you become (and how much better your marriage gets) as you encourage her in positive ways and give her the freedom to be who she is - the most gorgeous, talented, and wonderful woman who ever walked the planet earth!
3) Treats you like a sex object
Please, husbands! Your wife isn't your sex toy, or an object to perform for your pleasure. She is your wife, your best friend, and your queen. She deserves your utmost respect, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy. Always respect her and her body, and work on establishing emotional connection and trust before thinking about sharing sexual intimacy with your wife. Sex can be the most unifying, fulfilling, and beautiful thing in marriage, when you both treat each other respectfully.
4) Doesn't give you the time of day
You have a wife. You lucky guy. Please don't forget about her. Don't be too busy to call her, text her, or recognize her when she walks in the room. The next time you see her, give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Let her know she is your top priority by putting her first - ahead of work, time with your buddies, or watching that game. Sit on the couch and talk to her. Ask her how she is doing. Kiss her on the forehead and take her emotional temperature. Leave her a cute note written with lotion on the bathroom mirror. Ask her out to lunch. Tell her about your day, your thoughts, your worries, and your funny experiences. But watch out, you may find that sparks suddenly start flying around like crazy.
5) Uses crude or dirty language
Husbands, come on. You aren't teenage boys anymore (and even then, bad language wasn't really cool). Watch your mouth. Work to cut the swearing habit, and to remove crude, rude, and dirty language from your vocabulary. You may be amazed at all the other words available for use in expressing your feelings. Your wife deserves to hear words that a gentleman would speak, not a raga-muffin. Buy yourself a dictionary. Okay, not really, but try some new words. Your wife will be tickled pink and others will think you're much more intelligent.
6) Views pornography
This is one sure way to ruin your marriage, your life, and your future. Simply put, don't view pornography and let your eyes linger everywhere you go. Look inward and decide to choose a better path. If you are entrenched in the ugly habit of pornography, seek out professional help, there are many great resources to turn to. Find a counselor who can help you begin the process of becoming free from this addiction. You have to want change for yourself, and for those you love. So dig deep and decide what kind of life you really want.
7) Has too high of expectations
The last thing your sweet wife needs to hear is that she doesn't measure up to your unrealistic expectations. Please don't compare your wife's body, or budgeting skills, or parenting skills to so-and-so down the street. Your comparisons will, overtime, crush her self-esteem. Of course your wife should be able to take some gentle, constructive guidance about ways she can improve, but there are much more effective ways to communicate this than hurtful comparisons. Decide to be kind, to be patient, to be forgiving, and to be flexible. The more you emphasize all of her positive qualities, the more she will naturally start living up to those positive compliments and become the woman you describe (and more!).
8) Doesn't help out around the house
Seriously? You may bring in half the income, or all of it, but that doesn't mean that you should chill on the couch while your wife cleans, tidies, and washes day-in and day-out. Kick it up a notch and offer to help out. Clean the toilet (yes, the one you use every day), carry in the groceries, or unload the dishwasher (oh, the horror!). You and your wife are a team and ought to work side by side creating the home of your dreams. If you really want to impress your wife, offer to help with the deep cleaning the week before guests come into town. She will love you for it and will probably want to make love with you all over those clean sheets you just put on the bed.
9) Loses his temper often
You are a grown man. Yelling at your wife is not appropriate (or effective or helpful). Hitting is completely off limits. Rage, lashing out, throwing things, and threatening are all forms of abuse. Hopefully, these actions are not part of your marriage, but if they are, stop it. Now. That type of negative behavior simply doesn't help any situation. You can learn to control your temper. You can learn to respond calmly, cooly, and with love. As you do, your wife will feel safe with you and love being around you.
10) Lies and cheats
If you think you can sneak off with that babe from work and your wife will never know, then you're kidding yourself and in for a very rude awakening. And honestly, even if your wife never found out it's still wrong. Don't throw away everything that is truly meaningful for a fleeting moment of pleasure. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it's not a big deal. Choose to be honest. Choose to be loyal. Live up to those promises you made to your bride. She deserves all that, and more.
Now, if you saw yourself in any of these ugly habits, don't beat yourself up. Rather, decide to be better and make changes. Chart a course today that will lead you, and your wife, to that happily-ever-after marriage you always wanted.
2/4/2015 10:21:53 pm
I'm simply floored that this article indicates that only the husband is capable of these acts. Fact is, both partners in relationships are equally capable of such treatment.
3/8/2015 08:24:51 pm
The world seems to make men villians. I get the "women are soft and need to be loved" thought, but men take it on the chin. And individuals on most social media sites post derogatory things about men and that they're the predators and all women are victims. Where's the equality of responsibility? I'd love for once to see stories saying men arent as bad as we seem. Issues? Absolutely! But we're not all that bad. :)
Aaron & April
2/4/2015 10:53:31 pm
Hi Courtney - thanks for the comment and reading! While admittedly, this article presents things a bit one-sided (okay, very one-sided :)), we completely agree with you. Marriage is a two-way street and both parties are equally capable of helping/hurting. Stay tuned for the sequel to this article about 10 things women do.
4/27/2015 02:09:06 pm
So, where is the follow up article? It's been over two months since this post. I agree with Courtney and Rick, I am so tired of articles that portray men as scum and unworthy of attention. Having just gone through the birth of my beautiful daughter, I was shocked at the number of "How to be a good husband and father" books that gave no advice to men on how to help themselves other than ( I'm not kidding) "Schedule a massage". Your article is no better. It basically says "If you do anything of these things, you aren't worth your wife's time or energy". Men are no saints, I'll admit that. We have our faults, but we try our hardest every day to care for our wives and families. An article like this had the power to crush that spirit because of its "You are horrible" attitude.
4/27/2015 02:28:37 pm
Hi Robert - thanks for the comment. Here's a link to the follow-on article: http://www.nurturingmarriage.org/conflict-resolution/10-ugly-things-awful-wives-do-to-their-husbands. It was published the day after we published this article and can be found on the same page. Certainly, either spouse is capable of any of these things. The articles in combination are really intended to help us all be self aware of some of the poor habits anyone could fall into that could harm a marriage. Thanks again for commenting!
4/30/2015 12:19:31 am
I don't think the intention was to make the men sound worse. If you read them both then you will realize it's about what women and men are more likely to be struggling with. I have been married for 2 years and I loved reading both of the articles. The point in it all is for the spouses to look inside and see how they are treating each other.
4/30/2015 02:15:43 pm
Michaela,Thanks so much for your comment! We love how you sum it up by saying the point is to look inside and see how we can do better. So true!
5/17/2015 06:59:54 am
I read both articles and am sensing quite the double standard here. Jokes about men not doing what they say they will and how they're not always right. Yet no jokes here about women. Just a rehash about how men aren't always right. Where's the jokes at women's expense? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
6/17/2015 06:52:36 am
If people are taking exception to these articles (either, or both), perhaps you've "hit a nerve."
Aaron & April
6/19/2015 03:29:07 am
Well said Juli - and thanks for commenting! There are certainly things that each of us can do - big and small - to better ourselves and make our marriages that much better.
9/24/2015 06:17:54 pm
1/18/2016 08:29:59 am
1/30/2016 12:23:24 am
Beautiful article. Lets learn. Stop criticising. ..... may your marriage last.
1/26/2017 04:19:36 am
After almost 70 years of life and 52 years of marriage I have learned a FEW things. Hard knocks, experience, life, whatever you want to call it has a way of revealing and teaching hopefully valuable lessons. A lot of things can be rightfully presented about marriage as it concerns the role of men and women, but it takes two to tango and only one to trash it. From my observation over the years I would say men are guiltier of destroying the marriage than women. This does not excuse the abuse of women any more than it does the abuse of men.
3/24/2017 05:05:31 am
Thanks for sharing your experiences and insight. Life is learning and growing. Theres really no right or wrong as each relationship is different. Talk to each other and see what the other wants and needs.
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