Kerry & Bri Lofton

Quick Facts
Location: Texas
Years Married: Eight months
Occupations: Bri is currently a full-time student working towards an accounting degree. Kerry currently works in video production for a church.
Hobbies/Interests: Bri is a dancer and loves choreographing and studying dance in her free time. Kerry loves doing graphic design and reading. Both of us are big movie watchers and we also have probably the weirdest hobby ever- we love to watch video game commentaries on YouTube. It's really fun.
Favorite Flavor of Ice Cream: We both love cookies and cream.
Website: Our website is under construction and coming soon! For now people can follow us on  Instagram - @marriagemindset

Q. What is your spouse's love language? And how do you help him or her feel loved in specific ways?

K: Bri’s love language is physical touch. This is something I have to keep in the forefront of my mind, especially when she’s more affectionate during times when I am trying to work. Even when I’m busy, I try to never withhold a simple hug, or cuddle, or kiss from her, since I know she thrives on my physical affection towards her.

B: Kerry’s love language is words of affirmation. I try to always make sure he knows how much I appreciate him and how hard he works for our family. I love to send him random text messages telling him how I feel about him. No matter what, I know those messages always brighten up his day.

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Q. What is the best marriage advice you have ever received?

K&B: Keep everything between God and us. When you start introducing other people’s opinions into your marriage, it becomes a mess, and it’s funny how God usually gets pushed out of the circle. This is not to say that we can’t receive advice from others, but we believe it is never okay to discuss our spouse or serious relationship issues with anyone else. It may be tough at times, when we feel like we need someone to talk to about our frustrations, but in reality it pushes us closer to God because the only One we can run to is Him.

Q. Reflect back on today, or this past week. What examples can you share of something small one of you has done for the other, to nurture your marriage?

K: Bri recently had a tooth pulled. I did everything I could to make the experience as comfortable as I could for her. Which meant a lot of store runs, a lot of cooking, and a lot of cleaning. It meant a lot to her though, and I could tell she really appreciated the effort I put in to taking care of her, despite being busy with work and other things.

Q. What are some of your favorite date night ideas?

K & B: We are super simple when it comes to having fun with one another.  We could take a trip to Best Buy and it would be a blast for us. I think that comes from truly enjoying the person you’re married to. We love cuddling up, ordering take out, and watching movies on Netflix. It’s fun and it doesn’t break the bank!

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Q. What are your top three tips for a healthy sexual relationship?

1) Cut out any issues with lust. I (Kerry) read a book called “Every man’s Battle,” by Stephen Arterburn. It breaks down how men are physically wired to have roaming eyes and draw sexual pleasure from visuals. Some people may feel as though sexual purity is just refraining from watching pornography, but it is important to watch your eyes and your heart too. The tip here is to make a commitment to never look at any woman the way you would look at your wife.

2) Even when you may not have the energy to have sex, find time. You’ll both be glad you did.

3) Put each other’s needs first. If you both are focused on each other’s needs, it prevents a one-sided battle in the bedroom.

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Q.  How do you and your spouse decide "allowances" and/or "fun money" for each other?

We’re currently going through Dave Ramsey’s financial peace university. One of the things he teaches is that one spouse shouldn’t handle all of the financial decisions. Money should be a partnership, as with everything else. Every financial decision, whether big or small is decided together between us both. There are some things we allow for ourselves, and some things we don’t. We fought a lot about money early in our relationship. Just another point that prayer works. We now just seem to be on the same page about financial decisions before we even discuss it. We don’t think it’s a coincidence, we know it’s God.

Q. How do you find time to be intimate with your spouse?

With all the responsibilities of school and work, etc, it can be hard to find time to be intimate. We have found ways to be strategic about spending quality time together. We have one car. Where most people would see this as an inconvenience, we see it as opportunity. We always drive to work in the morning together and home together in the evening. This is huge for us, and that extra time together goes a long way. We always eat breakfast and dinner together, again every extra bit of time helps. We also take baths together every night. Even if it’s nothing sexual, it’s time spent together in the most intimate setting possible. Many times this is where we discuss our issues, how our day was, and how we are feeling at the moment. It’s one of the most valued times of our day, and we highly recommend every married couple to try it!

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Q. How do you communicate about things when you don’t see eye to eye?

In every marriage there are disagreements. We believe that how those disagreements are handled determines how well a marriage does. In disagreements we have the opportunity to build or destroy, all with our words. The biggest thing is to remain calm. I read once that you can be right, but wrong at the top of your lungs. When yelling begins, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, feelings get shattered. The best thing is to remember that we’re both on the same team; we just want to call different plays. We try to refrain from looking at it as one person being right or one being wrong, and recognize that we simply have different viewpoints.

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Q. What is the secret to a happy marriage?

Jesus Christ. He has the answer to every problem that could arise. He’s the healer to every wound we could ever receive. He’s the counselor for every issue. When we center our lives around Jesus, our lives will be fruitful, and our marriages will inevitably reap the benefits .