Written by Aaron & April Jacob
Painting, fishing, bodybuilding, crocheting, gaming, shopping, skiing, and the list goes on. And on. And on.
Life offers us opportunities to learn and participate in so many wonderful activities and interests (alone or with others) that can fill our days with meaningful, happy, and interesting experiences.
However, it is all too easy to become passionate (or obsessed) with one hobby, all at the expense of other more important priorities in our lives.
So, what do you do when your spouse cares more about their hobby than they do about you?
You may relate with some of the following examples...
Andrea came home from work to be greeted by her husband, who didn't look up from his video game, but did manage to squeak out an honest, "Hey, how are you?" to her as she walked into the kitchen. It was the same routine. He worked an early morning shift and got home earlier than she did. She didn't know why it bugged her so much that he was always playing video games when she came home - it was his time to unwind after a long day, after all - but it bugged her. A lot.
Rob and his wife of thirty years were happily married with four kids. They had moved around a lot and had recently settled into their dream home. His wife, Michelle, had recently found a new group of runners in the area who were all training for upcoming races. She needed friends, and this new group welcomed her immediately. Michelle would get up early every morning to run with her friends, and often spent hours on Saturdays training with them.
Rob was starting to feel unsettled about this new running group. He thought perhaps it was due to his own insecurity, since the group had a lot of men in it. Men who shared his wife's passion for running, and men who were a lot more fit than he was. He didn't want to be possessive and tell Michelle that he didn't like her spending so much time with her running friends, but he was starting to feel disconnected in his marriage and was worried about what to do. Michelle seemed so happy, and she was doing what she loved, should he really try and stop her? She had found people to connect with, to talk with, and to run with.
Rob felt an inner turmoil about what to do, but he was starting to feel like Michelle didn't even need him anymore.
Beth was fed up with her husband's hunting "obsession," as she called it. He was gone, it seemed, every other weekend for three months out of the year. He spent all of his free time reading hunting, talking hunting, and thinking about hunting. Plus, he spent a LOT of their money on hunting gear, garb, and the like. Beth had tried to be supportive, encouraging him for the past thirteen years of marriage to pursue what he loved, but it had just become too much. She was tired, lonely, and feeling left out. Last year she had decided to try and get into hunting herself, but her husband didn't seem to want to share his hobby with her. He said it was "his thing," to do with his friends. She was hopeless, frustrated, and ready to put an end to either the hunting, or their marriage.
Continued without communication or change, these scenarios could possibly lead to addiction, affairs, and/or divorce, but they don't have to!
If you or your spouse have found that your hobbies are taking over, it is time to re-evaluate and take a good, deep look at those priorities of yours.
WHAT CAN YOU DO IF HOBBIES ARE THREATENING
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
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