Written by Tawny May
If you’ve been married for longer than two weeks, your spouse knows you’re a mortal. You might occasionally swear, wake up with dragon breath, or legitimately not have a clue what you’re doing with your life.
Sometimes you might feel like your spouse loved you more when you were dating and he was convinced you were a goddess, or maybe you’ve broken your wife’s trust again and you’re not sure how to recover.
Being a confident spouse isn’t something you have and then you don’t; it’s not something that’s gone forever once it slips away.
Confidence comes and goes, and that is perfectly normal!
Marriage is like a petri dish for vulnerability, meaning that those horribly revealing, humanizing moments seems to build upon one another exponentially and leave us feeling fully exposed. But don’t worry, this will not be a perma-state; you can and will bounce back.
If you are wondering how you can combat vulnerability and mistakes to be a more confident spouse, read on.
There are several definitions for confidence, the most applicable is the following: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
If we deconstruct this, we could deduce that a lack of confidence would come from one’s lost appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. It is possible for us to lose appreciation of our abilities and qualities as we’re placed in vulnerable situations time and time again--as marriage so graciously affords us.
We fall short of expectations, we overreact, we lose our temper, we lie, we cheat, we aren’t as kind with our spouse as we are with others...the list goes on and on. All of these opportunities to “lose appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities” takes a toll on one’s confidence, which adversely affects one’s marriage.
So, how we can be more confident spouses?
There’s no secret recipe for being more confident; these five measly suggestions are just that - suggestions. Each person is intrinsically unique; you may find more of your mojo/confidence by being in nature or in a church; by talking with old friends, or by ignoring everyone for a little while and doing nothing!
However you do you, do you.
Remember, confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from your appreciation of your own abilities or qualities. YOU HAVE AMAZING ABILITIES AND QUALITIES. Take confidence in that and you’ll take confidence in yourself. And I’ll tell you, there’s nothing more attractive to your spouse than a confident, happy and content you.
And then watch out because your deepened self-confidence will inevitably strengthen your marriage!
Photo Credit: Striegler Photo
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