Written by Leslie Pelon
This is **Part 3 in a 4-part series based on a survey of 4.5 thousand married people who were asked about their sleeping habits.**
So far on this journey we’ve talked about the basic idea of bed sharing and whose turn it is to make the bed. Today we get into some of the things that make sharing that bed with another person more difficult!
First up to bat is the classic snoring conundrum. Is this a problem in your marriage? I know it is a problem in mine.
According to our survey 3 out of 4 couples has at least 1 snorer in the relationship.
Even the “Other” respondents answers seemed to be a variation of one wife’s response, “Both of us [snore], but only sometimes.” (Wife married less than a year.)
As so many couples face this challenge we received lots of different pieces of advice on how to deal with it. Rather than try to share my own wisdom, I will share the wisdom of some of our respondents.
“Gently nudged the other if it’s too loud.” (Wife married less than a year, both snore.)
“I like the sound—it’s soothing ☺” (Wife married 20+ years, husband snores.)
“30 db ear plugs for both of us and sometimes sleeping pills.” (Wife married 5-10 years, both snore.)
“A bed that the head can be raised!” (Wife married 20+ years, husband snores.)
“Yes, my husband had a CPAP for sleep apnea… sexy.” (Wife married 1-5 years, both snore.)
“Yes, lose weight.” (Husband married 10-20 years, husband snores.)
“Breath right strips.” (Husband married less than a year, husband snores.)
“A clock that has a soothing sound feature. Ocean waves cover up the snoring sounds enough I can sleep.” (Wife married 20+ years, husband snores.)
“A fan to drown out the noise.” (Wife married 1-5 years, husband snores.)
READ: BUTTING OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
“A good poke in the ribs makes the old chain saw roll over and sawing logs stops.” (Wife married 10-20 years, husband snores.)
“Adjust the neck and chin on the pillow. Opens up the airways, stops the snoring.” (Husband married 5-10 years, neither snore.)
“Adjustable bed. See a doctor. He’s supposed to be on a CPAP machine but he won’t do it. He is the worst/loudest. I barely snore—usually during allergy season.” (Wife married 20+ years, both snore.)
“Yes. He’s on a diet and has lost weight.” (Wife married 1-5 years, husband snores.)
“Cut out dairy. Apple cider vinegar. Earplugs. Sometimes I (non-snorer) sleep on the couch.” (Wife married 10-20 years, husband snores.)
“Once she gives birth the problem solves itself.” (Husband married 10-20 years, wife snores when pregnant.)
“Cuddling helps.” (Husband married 1-5 years, wife snores.)
“Just deal with it.” (Husband married 10-20 years, both snore.)
READ: HOW TO CREATE BEDTIME RITUALS THAT WILL NURTURE YOUR MARRIAGE
We’ve all seen the meme’s and GIFS showing diagrams of beds with couples in them. It seems the wife is usually painted as the one who takes over most of the bed or steals the blankets. As the wife in a marriage where I get pushed out of bed by my sleeping husband or have my blanket stolen, I always feel those are so unfair. I personally refused to believe that it was just wives who steal blankets and freeze their husbands. Almost 70% of respondents said that they dealt with one or the other partner stealing blankets. The “other” group stated that they both accuse the other of stealing the blankets. I was comforted to see that while the wives did make up the largest percentage, the husband thieves were not far behind. Vindication! Take that meme makers of the world!
As I mentioned in the article about “Whose Turn is it to Make the Bed?” my husband and I sleep under separate blankets so that there is no stealing. It makes cuddling feel a bit like visiting hours but it keeps the elbow throwing to a minimum. Here are some other ideas from some of our respondents.
“We have a king sized blanket for a queen sized bed.” (Wife married less than a year, wife is the thief.)
“He makes sure he has an extra blanket nearby. Or it’s too hot for him under the blankets anyway.” (Wife married 1-5 years, wife is the thief.)
“A reallllllly big blanket. We tried using separate blankets, but we didn’t feel connected to each other.” (Wife married 1-5 years, husband is the thief.)
“Accept it.” (Wife married 20+ years, wife is the thief.)
“Adjust the temperature so it’s not too warm or cold or too heavy.” (Husband married 1-5 years, it depends who you ask.)
“After a lot of yelling he doesn’t do it as much. Even subconsciously.” (Wife married 1-5 years, husband is the thief.)
“2 blankets.” (Husband married 10-20 years, both thieves.)
READ: ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING RIGHT IN YOUR MARRIAGE?
“All the blankets are mine!” (Wife married 10-20 years, wife is the thief.)
“Be under different layers of the sheets so only a certain layer is stolen.” (Wife married less than a year, wife is the thief.)
“Cling for dear life!” (Wife married 1-5 years, both thieves.)
“Because I believe my husband steals the blankets (even though he just says I’m a wild sleeper and give them to him), I bring an additional blanket to bed that is just mine. This works great for us because I’m usually cold going to bed, and he’s hot so I need an extra blanket anyways.” (Wife married 1-5 years, both accuse the other of being the thief.)
“Cuddle closer!” (Wife married 1-5 years, wife is the thief.)
“Gently pull it back, do NOT yank and get mad at the thief. They are asleep, not deliberately stealing your warmth.” (Wife married 1-5 years, wife is the thief.)
“He snores, I steal. It’s even.” (Wife married 1-5 years, wife is the thief.)
Here is the thing about these struggles, almost every couple deals with them in one form or the other. You are not alone nor are you weird. There are lots of other things that couples struggle with as well. With each of these struggles, the key is to keep your sense of humor and to be creative! Use two blankets. Stagger your sleep schedule so the snorer goes to sleep second. Whatever you do, keep trying different strategies until you find what works for you.
Are there solutions you have tried that are not listed here? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
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